General

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My! A flash back in time to re-visit my zoological science origin story

girlymicro General, Healthcare Science, Research/Academia , , , , ,

Back in the mists of time, before she really knew what microbiology was, there was a girl who just knew that she liked science. Now, this girl had a father who liked physics, a sister who liked chemistry, and a brother that liked both. This girl was not particularly found of mathematics however, and chemistry was a foreign language, and so she starred in the lab and wondered,’What kind of science is right for me?’.

I have previously posted about having missed so much school and not really being prepared to go to university. I didn’t, therefore, have exactly the most normal build-up to uni as I didn’t think it would happen. In a rather spectacular science irony, when it suddenly turned out I might be able to go, I just hadn’t done my research. I didn’t have much of a clue what my options or routes to a scientific career might be. Hopefully if past me found my how to be a scientist blog it would be a useful starter for 10. In my defence, at least I acknowledged this, and so I chose a degree that allowed me to specialise after my 1st year, when I would have had time to try out a few potential options.

One of the other things I should probably admit at this point, is that lab work terrified me. I hadn’t been in the class room when people were shown how to use microscopes or pipettes, and I was just too embarrassed to ask as I already felt both stupid and so behind everyone else. I’d done very little lab work as I’d missed most of my 5th year at school, and during my A-levels I had to undertake condensed study to make sure I had enough points to go to uni. So the idea of spending a lot of time outside a traditional lab space definitely held appeal, as it felt like I was finally starting at the same point as everyone else.

So this girl finally chose her specialty and worked super hard to be accepted onto the zoology course.

All of this feels like a different world at this point, over 20 years on. As some of my team love to point out, I started uni when they were still at primary school (1999). These years were so formative however for how I developed as both a scientist and a person, I was so excited to be able to revisit the subject when I spent a night at ZSL London Zoo with Mr and mummy Girlymicro and remind myself of days of science past.

What is zoology anyway?

When you say Zoology, I suppose the first thing that springs to mind are zoos. Now, you may find quite a lot of zoologists in and around zoos, but this is actually just one place place where the study of Zoology happens. In fact, zoology is so much more than the study of animals in zoos. It is, in fact:

The scientific study of the behaviour, structure, physiology, classification, and distribution of animals

I was aware that the area of animal behaviour really interested me. It was something that I’d touched on during psychology A-Level, and that then extended into human behavioural modelling with things like group decision making. Comparison of group behaviour between primates and other animals and how attachment develops between adults and infants was something that I found fascinating. This was, for me, the gateway that made me think about choosing Zoology, but there was so very much more to it than I knew at that point.

Because of this, when we arrived to spend the night at London Zoo, I was particularly excited as the lion enclosure had just welcomed three cubs, one girl and two boys. Mali and Syanii and girl Shanti were born at London Zoo on 13 March 2024 to seven-year-old mum, Arya, and 14-year-old dad Bhanu. The first thing we got to do was to spend some time after the zoo had closed watching them at their most active, as it was evening, in a small group with one of their keepers. We got to drink prosecco, take all the photographs we wished, hear a talk, and pepper them with questions. It was a truly wonderful way to kick off the evening. It was also as far away from my old zoology field trips as you can imagine, where as a student I would find the most comfortable spot on the ground I could in order settle in for the next eight hours, with a pile of stationary and a timer, nursing a bottle of water and a sandwich so I didn’t have to leave my space until I was done.

What was the degree like?

One of the great things about the degree was that, as long as you took the correct modules for your target specialism, you could try all kinds of science topics, especially early on. So, as well as modules on invertebrates and ecology, I also took modules on psychology and microbiology. In my first year, although I feel it disliked me as much I disliked it, I also took mandatory modules, which included Biochemistry. That first year was a whirl wind of things I was unfamiliar with. It was also the year that, although I thought I liked human genetics, I discovered that it really wasn’t the field for me. I learnt a lot about how I think and what kinds of topics align better with how that process works for me. A version of the course exists even now if anyone is interested, although I suspect it has moved on somewhat:

https://www.liverpool.ac.uk/courses/2025/zoology-bsc-hons

Now, I was still terrifed of lab work and so the fact that some modules came with weekend field trips rather than traditional lab work made me very happy. There were also other kinds of ‘labs’ which involved a lot of drawing of skulls and anatomy, where I discovered I hadn’t missed my calling as an artist.

There were also some super super fun exercises that I remember fondly even now. At one point we were sent out to learn how to capture and undertake population statistics by recording taxi cab license plates (as they link to age) and working on the population stats of births and deaths using this. I found a lovely window in a McDonalds and stared at a taxi rank for a day chatting with my friends, and it was great. These moments really taught me that science was not all about lab work, as I had previously thought, but it could be undertaken anywhere and in a way that was not only interesting but also enjoyable and fun.

One of the other things this course taught me about myself was that I like to take the less trodden path. For my final year dissertation, I could have taken a lab based project, but I still wasn’t that confident. Instead, I chose to do a library based project with a twist. The library was the British Library (https://www.bl.uk/), and the project was based in evolutionary psychology looking at The Demographics of Witchcraft Accusations (1625 – 1720). I got to go through every documented witchcraft trial in England and then look at the legal changes that drove resource competition and compare it with the US and Europe, where the drivers were different. This exercise stays with me, as it showed that no matter what the outward appearance, you always need to understand the underlying drivers to fully investigate a situation.

Moments that stay with you

I’ve already said that my aim was always to choose Zoology because of my interest in animal behaviour, but it was a pretty competitive selection process. Places were allocated to specialisms on the basis of a combination of choice and grade. So the top person in the year was guaranteed their choice of degree, if you were 300th, not so much. I believe my 1st year had over 1000 combined students, and the bottom 50% were dropped every year, so the year group size got smaller but was still competitive. Dissertation topics were given out in the same way. So there was an ever-present motivation to work hard, not just so you didn’t get booted, but so you could have the best chance to influence your future. I suspect it’s all very different these days with tuition fees, but it was pretty brutal for some people.

If you secured the grades you progressed and specialised. This meant we got to do some zoo visits and start exploring topics like animal behaviour and undertake behavioural observation studies. Several of these were zoo based and included observing primates, but also Giant Tortoises. We also did a fair amount of non-zoo based observational studies, including undertaken observations in the uni canteen looking into group and sentinel behaviour.

I loved this mix. I love the fact that it really embedded science for me as a team sport, as so much of it you couldn’t accomplish on your own. It also taught me how much I value both collaboration and variety in what I do, a valuable lesson in choosing my future career.

In all honesty, over time, despite loving the science I grew to believe that sitting in fields in the lake district wearing water proofs for weeks at a time was less aligned with my future life choices, but at least it gave me fun memories that years later I could turn into a comedy sketch as part of public engagement work.

How did all of this help with the day job?

This was all very fun, but how does any of that help me now?

Well, I obviously covered a certain amount of animal related infection, which is still useful, but I think it was the wider stuff that gave me such a good foundation for every day working life as a scientist.

Firstly, there was always a strong focus on group communication. You just couldn’t succeed on the course without developing your group work and collaboration skills. Almost everything we did required multiple people to support. You can’t observe a group for 8 hours on your own, at least not efficiently. This meant the planning and analysis stages also involved a lot of group discussion. Being young and enthusiastic, there were lots of strong and differing opinions. Learning to manage in those environments has been a crucial skill that has supported working in healthcare and multi-disciplinary environments later on.

Due to the variety of different types of work, I also got used to needing to access information from all kinds of different resources and from a lot of different disciplines. One day, I would be accessing psychology or physiology papers, and the next, I would be in a field reading ecology guides or in the British Library accessing centuries old court records. This also taught me the value of being a generalist with a solid supporting skill set. I don’t feel like I will ever be a real ‘expert’ in anything, but I learnt to take things from 1st principles and rationalise my way through. This is an approach I will be forever grateful for as so much of what I see in my day job I haven’t experienced previously. Getting back to 1st principles is something I have to do often and this training enabled me to do that without fear of the unknown.

Finally, the whole process of struggling to get to uni when it was generally considered to be ‘not for me’ and spending a lot of my time there feeling behind and playing catch up taught me a lot of things that are so valuable in my day today. It taught me to see science as a puzzle, and that to solve something you sometimes have to give it space and come at problems from different angles. During these periods it also taught me to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, and knowing that uncertainty is OK, in fact it is often essential. The very way the course was structured also gave me permission to mix up my science and follow routes that interested me, not some pre prescribed path. I think keeping to this principle has been key to me ending up where I am career wise. Follow your passion and the rest will work out, has become a guiding principle when I’m undertaking decision making.

What is a zoonosis?

Speaking of things that help the day job, I spent plenty of time in my third year studying infections related to animals and animal to human interaction. One of the other great benefits of a background in Zoology is the fact that, having learnt things from the animal side, I can combine that learning with the info I now have from the human side. Zoonosis are an increasingly important part of health based conversations, especially in light of increased travel, climate change, and urban expansion. So, what is a zoonosis?

A zoonosis is an infectious disease that can spread from animals to humans, or vice versa. Zoonotic diseases can be caused by a variety of pathogens, including bacteria, viruses, fungi, protozoa, and prions. 

There have been multiple occasions during my career where zoonosis have been flagged as causing wider public health implications, and some of the big hitters are listed below:

https://www.rural21.com/english/news/detail/article/countering-the-double-whammy-of-zoonotic-diseases.html

One of the other reasons why zoonoses and a background in Zoology are increasingly important is linked to the One Health approach to antimicrobial resistance (AMR). This requires us not to look at AMR from a purely human or animal perspective, but that we need to look at food production/agriculture, human and animal, as a holistic whole. I’ve recently been involved with a podcast series that involved discussing One Health issues with a vet, Simon Doherty, called going Macro on Micro, and hearing the veterinary perspective has been really helpful and eye opening.

Embedding public engagement

One of the things that I loved about staying overnight at London Zoo, apart from it reminding me of a joy for science and of fond memories, was the way that science and science engagement was embedded wherever you went, from the toilets to the canteen. Not only was information wherever you looked, but it was done in such a fun variety of ways, including an entire focus on poo, which was brilliant to see. It was science delivered in an accessible, engaging way that didn’t feel like you were being ‘taught’ but that you learnt through play and exploration.

This is such a great lesson for all of us involved in teaching and education, in both formal and non-formal settings. Learning can be achieved without it being arduous and by enabling those visiting to understand that science can be fun without it feeling ‘other’ or out of reach. It is the best way to introduce a generation of future scientists to the subject. Work such as this, also goes a long way to break down stereotypes of what science is (often considered to only be lab based) and what a scientist looks like (often considered to be the realm of older white men). In reality, science is for everyone, undertaken by everyone, and takes place everywhere. Embedding this concept early is the best way to change how science will be perceived in the future.

A peaceful escape

To end, I just wanted to quickly talk about what a delightful experience staying over night was. I am not a camper, and I am barely a glamper. I want an en-suite bathroom and a proper bed, with the ability to have tea whenever I want it. Fortunately, the cabins at London Zoo provide all of these things.

They are set in a zone of tranquillity, that whilst surrounded by the zoo, do not in any way feel impacted by the hustle and bustle of those visiting. That said, you are also in the centre of the zoo, so all of the walking tours around do not feel like you are walking miles im order to explore. You also get to undertake some activities that you simply wouldn’t be able to do any other way, including preparing enrichment activities for the animals and feeding some of the nocturnal species.

Whilst staying over you get full access to the zoo the day before, and on the following day. You also get to have dinner together after the zoo closes and breakfast together before the zoo opens. There are two different groups of bookings, one that includes kids of all ages, and one that is targeted at older kids and adults. This enables some of the tour content to be targeted, and for our tour, the group consisted entirely of adults. It was such fun, I can’t recommend it enough, and it was great to share it with mummy and Mr Girlymicro. It books up fast though, so if you want a chance at this unique insight, it’s worth booking several months ahead.

All opinions in this blog are my own

Let’s Talk Antimicrobial Resistance for World Antimicrobial Awareness Week (WAAW) 2024

girlymicro General, Microbiology (Clinical), Science Communication , , , , , , , ,

I’ve posted in previous years about what antimicrobials are, what antimicrobial resistance may mean for individuals, as well as some thoughts about how we might communicate around some of the challenges linked to antimicrobial resistance in a difference way, or plan our outreach differently. This year I wanted to sign post to some resources that I have either been involved with or found useful in order to help support both our own learning and planning responses to some of the common misconceptions about AMR  I hear when I’m out and about talking to people.

What is antimicrobial resistance?

The World Health Organisation (WHO) talks about it like this:

Antimicrobial Resistance (AMR) occurs when bacteria, viruses, fungi and parasites no longer respond to antimicrobial medicines. As a result of drug resistance, antibiotics and other antimicrobial medicines become ineffective and infections become difficult or impossible to treat, increasing the risk of disease spread, severe illness, disability and death.

I think it’s easy to forget that although AMR is a big part of the professional life of most Infection Control and microbiology professionals, even for other healthcare professionals it features less often, let alone for members of the public. It can be surprising therefore when you do go out and about, or even just talk to friends and family, to hear some of the ways that non infection professionals think about how AMR works and who it impacts.

Common misconceptions I hear when talking to people about AMR:

  • It’s the body that becomes resistant to antibiotics
  • I have never taken antibiotics so I cannot get a resistant infection
  • Antibiotics treat all types of infection
  • Antibiotics can be stopped when the symptoms stop
  • Only infected patients can transmit antimicrobial resistance

If you reflect on some of these myths, it’s actually pretty easy to understand how they come about. Most people are focused on themselves and act from a human centric point of view. Many people give little, if any, thought to the multitudes of living bacteria that co-exist in their bodies. Once you accept this as the starting point, most of these myths are actually based on pretty small mental leaps. If, however, you don’t switch your point of view before you start having conversations about AMR, you can unwittingly end up reinforcing the very misconceptions you were aiming to address.

One of the reasons that I think this post is timely right now, is that I am already seeing more posts linked to how we should not be putting artificial medications into our bodies, alongside the back lash against vaccines, and so it seems to me a good time to remember what a difference these, now common, medical interventions have made to the lives of individuals and public health in general.

Let’s start with a little bit of context

Hardly any of us will have living memory of life without access to antibiotics and what life was like in a world without vaccination. One way to really get a feel for the impact these common interventions have made is to look at the impact in the last 30 years on reducing child mortality (death). Even in this recent time period, massive progress has been made due to advances such as the rota virus vaccine, but also in getting more global access to antimicrobial therapy where it is most needed.

Public health is multi factorial, with impacts being cumulative and made by more than just one thing, so not all of these impacts are made by antibiotic and vaccine availability. Other steps to reduce death linked to infectious disease include everything from clean water and sewer systems to pasteurisation and other means of food safety controls. The impact of these combined approaches is massive, but as the UN sustainable development goals show us, those of us who are access to clean water are not actually in the majority and more is yet to be done to ensure equality of access.

To aim to undo some if not all of this century plus of progress is something I find pretty hard to process. If you’ll forgive the momentary indulgence, I have to state that I think the current anti-vaccine and general anti medical stance that is being seen within some groups and communities is ultimately an act of extreme privilege It’s a privilege to be able to choose not to access something that is readily available to you and not available to others.  It is a privilege not to have to live first hand the consequences of what the alternative might hold. It’s also a privilege to be able to change your mind and choose to access something later. Thinking of things in this light doesn’t necessarily help with having conversations in a supportive and open way when some of the underlying thinking may be so different, but it may mean we can flip the dialogue from one of imposition to one about the power of choice, and supporting evidenced based decision making for all.

Where does AMR come into this?

There’s a big stat that everyone quotes about more people dying from AMR than cancer by 2050, with an estimated 10 million deaths. As a scientist, I get the need to quantify and use numbers, as a human being however, I find that numbers that are so big can just be off-putting. They are so large it can make us, as individuals, feel powerless to impact them.

For me, the reason this conversation is so important to have in the right way, and pitched to the right communities, is because if we are going through a period of global push back against the common interventions, such as vaccination, that have successfully reduced mortality and provided first line protection, then our final line of defence in terms of treatment is now even more vital. 2050 isn’t that far away, and we are already seeing consequences linked to more resistant organisms being identified in severe infections. Therefore, the time to be having conversations and really raising awareness to impact decision-making is now. Sadly, this is coinciding with a period of time when trust in healthcare professionals and science in general feels very low. Instead of being defeated by this, however, we need to use it a driver to really focus on how we can do it better.

One of the other reasons that AMR is both important and challenging to communicate is that it is always in constant flux. You can’t just learn about it and move on. The mechanisms change, the diagnostics change, and the interplay of all of these factors within the bacterial host interactions can make it even more complex and hard to engage with. To exemplify this, the figure below was something I saw posted on Bluesky and fell in love with, as I adore the fact that it lists all kinds of routes to AMR in a single image, thus capturing the complexity of what we’re dealing with.

That said, you don’t have to understand all or any of this image to understand the core of why AMR is going to be a problem moving forward. The main thing to take away from it is that AMR is complicated, and as a result you will hear many different messages linked to it, and those messages will continue to change as we learn more and the impacts are felt differently. As a result, it can then sound like we don’t know what we’re doing, or just end up really off putting, as there isn’t one clear message we are getting out there for people to cling onto. We, therefore, need to build this flexibility into messages and link around core themes rather than trying to talk in absolutes. Otherwise, we risk losing more of the public confidence than has already occurred.

What is being done nationally?

This year, a new version of the UKs National Action Plan for confronting AMR has been released and within it there is a strong focus on the acknowledged need to educate both members of the public and healthcare professionals on AMR.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/uk-5-year-action-plan-for-antimicrobial-resistance-2024-to-2029/confronting-antimicrobial-resistance-2024-to-2029

There is also plenty in there about increasing equitable access to antimicrobials, the need to improve diagnostics to help support both diagnostic and antimicrobial stewardship, and something that pleased me greatly, a special mention of the role of the built environment in managing AMR.

The thing is, top-down approaches will only ever get us so far. At some point, those of us involved in all things infection also need to be consciously including some of these drivers in our own every day practice.

No one can do everything, but whether you are collaborating with industry, undertaking research, or working in clinical practice, we have to embed AMR based action into our encounters. Do you include an AMR slide into all of your teaching? No matter the audience? Do you take the moment when it comes up with friends and family to just talk about the fact that this issue exists? Can you free up some capacity and undertake some public engagement?

Recognising there is a need is not the same thing as addressing that need, and we also have to be there to hold strategic partners and organisations to account in order to make sure action happens. So, let’s consciously match that top-down approach with a bottom-up drive for change.

What resources are there to help talk about AMR to other professionals

Having talked a lot about the need to talk to other healthcare professionals and seeing so much about #WAAW this year, it does really feel progress is being made to support us all to do this better.

Those of you who are UK based have probably heard of and support the Antibiotic Guardian programme (https://antibioticguardian.com/). This programme has lots of resources and supports personal action by asking you make a specific pledge about what you will undertake linked to addressing AMR.

Every year, new infographics come out that talk about different aspects of AMR. Some of these, like the one above, link AMR into commonly known components of healthcare practice, such as hand hygiene, in order to support individuals to feel empowered to act. Others focus more on messaging about antibiotic courses, or as we heard a lot about at the FIS/HIS conference last week, things like IV to oral switches, and sending the right samples to enable a switch from broad to narrow spectrum antibiotics. There’s plenty of ones out there now that can be really useful to embed in talks or laminate and put up on walls. The UKHSA especially have recently released a lot for WAAW, and because there are so many, you can keep them on rotation so that they don’t just become invisible as people see them too frequently.

I’ve also been involved in creating various content this year, as have many others, including webinars and podcasts to explore some of the issues linked to AMR and provide different routes via which healthcare professionals can engage with information and CPD on this topic. I’ve included a link to just one of these below in case it’s of interest, but a quick internet search will provide you with all kinds of others.

https://www.selectscience.net/webinar/resistance-on-the-rise

The main thing to remember is that we all like to receive our learning in different ways, and so ensuring that we remember that when we’re designing our education strategies is one of the best ways to be impactful.

What resources are there to help talk about AMR to members of the public

The resources you might want to use linked to AMR will vary greatly based on your target audience. It’s important to remember that even if someone is a healthcare worker they are also a member of the public, and depending on their personal background or setting they work in, utilising content created for the general public may serve both purposes.

There is some really great video, podcast, infographic, blog, and other content aimed at public outreach on AMR. There’s even a musical called The Mold that Changed the World, about Fleming and Penicillin, as the first antibiotic.

There are lots of different entry points when you are thinking about content that might be appropriate, and you’re likely to go to different depths depending on whether you are doing a one off encounter or a more prolonged piece of relationship building.

The post that is linked to at the start of this article on AMR as a Super Wicked Problem may help with choosing your content. You may also want to consciously address some of the myths mentioned at the start or even start your conversation with the fact that many antibiotics actually started as products identified in nature, and so are not as far from natural compounds as may be frequently thought.

Some of you who have been reading this blog for a while will know how proud and passionate I am about The Nosocomial Project, which aims to use a science, technology, engineering, arts and mathematics (STEAM) approach to talk about infection and infection risks.

As part of this work, we organised a two part festival linked to AMR entitled Rise of the Resistance Festival. All of the content is split across YouTube and the website. I’ve included linked here in case any of it is useful in your own settings when you are looking for inspiration or planning content. The content covered in the festival included everything from a play aimed at pre-school aged children entitled Sock the Puppet, who is a hand puppet who is scared of germs, expert panels, comedy sets, and Klebsiella as a drag queen. I still have so much fun rediscovering this content, and I hope you’ll feel the same way.

I would make a plea that we all work together on this one to do some myth busting and get messages about AMR out there, but also find a way to get messages across that are entertaining/joyous and filled with hope for what we can achieve, rather than focusing on the horrors of what happens if we don’t get our act sorted. I think all of us, including healthcare professionals, have had our fill of trauma in the last few years. So, let’s focus on empowerment and positivity to make this change happen, rather than following in the footsteps of those who want a world of decisions driven by fear.

All opinions in this blog are my own

Let’s Talk Con Fear: Talking about social anxiety at conferences and events

girlymicro Academic Life, General, Healthcare Science, Microbiology (Clinical), Microbiology (Research), Research/Academia, Science Communication , , , , , , , , ,

I’m off to the Federation of Infection Societies (FIS) conference this week. I’m involved in 3 sessions over 2 days, and in many ways, these types of events are a complete highlight for me.  I get to be inspired by hearing new science, I get to catch up with wonderful colleagues who I don’t get time to see very often, and I get to immerse myself in all things microbiology without the distraction.

There is another side to this coin, however, and that is both the anxiety that builds before I go, and that can last throughout the whole event. The ever-present spirals of ‘do I know anything?’, ‘will I say something stupid?’, ‘will I know anyone?’, and the classic ‘do any of these people actually like me?’.

The combination of this social anxiety with the, sometimes long, very peopley days, can mean that I hit spirals pretty easily and the lack of solo recovery time means that I can find it pretty exhausting by the end. 

Now, I’m obviously not talking about extreme cases of social anxiety that may require informed medical or long-term support. I’m talking about situational anxiety that most of us may find ourselves in from time to time.

Just in case there is anyone out there in a similar boat, I thought I might put together some things I’ve learnt along the way that help manage some of my anxiety traits and enable me to actually enjoy the experience rather than dreading it.

Do your prep work ahead of time

The first thing I’ve had to learn is that I can’t just pretend that doesn’t happen. I can’t wish it away. What I can do is be prepared and make sure that I have made the process as trigger free as possible.

For me, this is about simple things, like getting a hotel as close to the venue as possible. It means that if I just need a 30-minute alone break, I can take one. It removes anxiety about getting lost or forgetting something crucial and not having time to go back for it, which, although minor, can be the final straw. It’s also about making sure that I have pre-found all the rooms I need to locate ahead of time, so I know where I’m going, and that ahead of multi-day meetings I have a plan for which sessions I’m going to before  I even travel to the event.

Know your triggers

I know that I have a few things that really lead to anxiety, but perhaps more unique to me, is the fear that I was have an auto immune attack and won’t be with people who understand what is needed. I learnt early that the best way to cover this one off is that I very rarely travel alone, especially over seas. I often travel with my mum or one of a very small list of truly trusted people, who I know would understand how to get me help if required.

Something that is more likely to strike a cord with others, is that I am also the girl who has walked into conference rooms, spent 15 minutes and walked out, as I knew no one and was just overwhelmed. I’m not proud of these moments, but I think it’s important to acknowledge that they have occurred. Although, to be honest, when they’ve happened, I mostly felt invisible, so I doubt anyone noticed.

I have discovered that I need to know that the space is one where I feel welcome for me to perform at my best. This sense of welcome can be either intellectual, because of the topics covered, or because of feeling a sense of community, as the room contains people within my field or in strong alignment with my values. I’ve found the overwhelming feeling hits most strongly when I’ve been in very large political or strategic sessions, where I felt out of my comfort zone on both intellectual and community counts.

That said, I’m not too bad in the sessions themselves, I’m there to learn something new, and learning excites me even now. It’s the breaks that are my nemesis, especially when large groups all surge into a space at the same time, and the weight of expectation that you must now network lands. The seconds that feel like hours of desperately searching for faces you recognise and being forced to face the fact that yes, you really should go up and speak to that absolute stranger, as it’s the right thing to do. It’s these moments that can cause me to bolt for the nearest bathroom.

Carve out time for yourself

One of the key mechanisms I’ve identified to help with my triggers is that I make sure I have enough time to myself, be that eating food away from the venue so I feel more certain what it contains and less at risk, to making sure I have evenings to myself to process and unwind.

I usually come over as really social, and really into spending time with people, and I am both of those things. I also only have a limited amount of social battery, and so in order to maintain that extrovert part of myself I have to have recharge time. I love talking to people about this blog, I love hearing about and responding to other peoples work, but at a certain point I need to sit down with an audio book and a cup of tea in order to do it well. This means that when I go through the brochure ahead of time, and plan my sessions, I make sure that I have enough blocks of time to enable me to be my best self when I’m in the space with others. Sometimes all you need is a walk to a local coffee shop and back to give you the perspective you need.

Pre establish a safe space or person

Just in case it does all become too much, I always have a plan. I posted a while ago about how spending time in bathrooms may feature way too much in my career, but part of that is that they can sometimes present a safe bolt hole.

The wonderful thing about having hit my 20th year as a Healthcare Scientist, is that I now also know quite a few people, some of whom I’ve known for well over a decade. This means that at most events, there are also people who I count not only as colleagues but as friends. People that I can just go and spend time with that doesn’t include social commitment. Those friends you have that you can just be in the same space without any demands being made. If I’m at an event where these people are also attending, then I know that I have someone I can just excuse myself to catch up with if I’m having a moment. It’s also the great thing about ensuring that you have a hotel room nearby. Your safe bolt hole is only minutes away.

Make an agreement with yourself about how much is enough

The fact that you have social anxiety does not provide a free pass to escape one of the fundamental purposes of attending conferences, networking. It’s key to your career, it’s key to your development, it needs to happen. The thing is that there are varying degrees of what networking can be, and before you’re in the space, you need to decide what level you are aiming for and will therefore achieve. For me, my deal is that I will, on each day, speak to one person I don’t know. I am not allowed to finish my day without this happening, but once I have had that one daily interaction, then any further moments are a bonus. Once that one challenging moment is over with the pressure is off, and then I almost always over achieve on my goal.

Be realistic about how much you can expect of yourself

The key thing I’ve learnt is that I have to realistic when I’m making that deal with myself and deciding on achievable targets. For me, there is not point is saying I will speak to five people I haven’t met before, as I’ll just be setting myself up for failure. You will also find that I rarely sign up for conference dinners, as I have over the years found that if I’m in a space with other people from 08:00 – 18:00 I will really struggle to then spend yet more time with other people, no matter how lovely or interesting those people are. All I will want at that point is room service, tea, and a movie in my room.

Everyone will have their own tolerances and lines. The important thing is to have enough self reflection to know what yours are. Otherwise, you just add guilt into the anxiety mix, which is not much fun for anyone.

Learn how to work a room using tools you are comfortable with

One of the other things that I’ve learnt about myself, is that although I get super anxious standing in a room trying to approach someone at the coffee table, I am much much more comfortable moving around the exhibitor stands. The guys at the exhibitor stands are motivated to speak to those who approach, and there are usually science based discussions that I am eager to have. This, for me, is a match made in heaven, as it breaks me into the speaking to people I don’t know in a very gentle way. If I’m lucky, I will also meet others when I’m wandering around, which will allow me to tick my ‘speak to one stranger box’ as exhibitors do not count on that front. The added bonus is that I also often manage to find cool new stuff I’m interested in or develop collaborations whilst this is happening, so it’s a no lose scenario for me.

The other thing that having worked for 20 years has given me is the opportunity to be asked to be involved with sessions. For this girl with social anxiety, this is actually a great thing, despite the fact that it sounds like it should be stressful. I’ve never minded public speaking in the same way as I worry about 1:1 interactions. When I speak, all I can do is put my best foot forward and hope that others will be interested in what I have to say. For the most part, if people don’t engage they will just leave and not give it another thought. On the positive side though, if people find what you say interesting enough to want to speak to you afterwards, this a great way to tick the ‘speak to one person you don’t know box’ and as they are approaching you all you have to do is respond. I find this so rewarding, but I also appreciate how fortunate I am to have this type of opportunity and how much it helps me manage to get the most out of events.

Prepare your exit strategy

One of the important things to bear in mind, and which I often forget, is that others do not necessarily feel the same way about social requirements. I struggle when people arrange evening meals at meetings when you’re already booked to spend a full day together. I understand the purpose, it’s lovely to build bonds and memories, and logistically it’s easier. I rarely, if ever, hit the end of the meeting day and wish to spend the few hours downtime I have with others, over reading in the bath however. There are frequently times I can’t opt out of these moments, but where I can, I will often have a pre planned reason to excuse myself. Often, this is work related, as I will always genuinely need to do some email catch up, and doing this after dinner means working till midnight. I don’t lie but I may pre-plan my rationale for not being available to support both my work load and my mental well being. I will never not pre-inform, as that is rude. People will have budgeted and made arrangements, so I will never last minute drop, but if the option arises I may flag unavailability at the planning stage.

Don’t succumb to expectations and pressure

People are amazing and much more welcoming than you expect. I’m always counting myself as so fortunate is be asked to unexpected drinks, meals and catch ups at conferences. I have learnt that I need to not get caught up in the moment and end up crossing the carefully curated boundaries I have put together, in order to ensure that I can last the social distance of the conference. I’m a planner for a reason and I don’t riff off the plan well. I also struggle with saying no. This means that there have been multiple times when I’ve said yes to that dinner, or those drinks, and have then suffered the consequences afterwards. Now, I work hard to keep to my boundaries so that I don’t make life harder for myself. This can be surprisingly difficult as all these invites are inclusive and well intended, I just have to remind myself to make the sensible choice to enjoy the entire event, rather than burning out after a single evening.

Know that this is an essential part of the job, so invest in coping strategies early in your career

The truth is that networking and attending these kinds of events is essential. They are a fundamental way of hearing the latest science and expanding your knowledge.  They are also key for collaboration and building your networks, as well as dissemination of your work. No matter what anyone says, I have found that science fields tend not to be meritocracies, there’s plenty of ‘who you know’ involved, and the only way to address that is to get yourself out there. So you will need to learn how to navigate these settings, and the earlier in your career you manage that, the more rewards you will reap.

I’ve talked about some of my own pitfalls and things that I’ve implemented to help me, but you will have your own triggers, and each response will need to be customised to yoi and your needs. What is true for all of us is that you are not alone, and if you are in need of someone to speak to during the horror of a break, then I am always happy to be your person. This is what I look like and I will never turn you away.

Know that it gets easier

The longer you hang on in there, the easier it gets, honestly.  I haven’t walked out on an event in a decade, although the toilet hiding is still a little more frequent 🤣

Until you are at a point where the dread diminishes from paralysing to merely present, here are some top tips (on top of some of the networking tips I’ve previously blogged about):

  • Pre manage your expectations of yourself and make sure they are reasonable
  • Book with a group or a friend if you can to take the edge of socialising with strangers
  • Join a social network, as you can use it to find like-minded people, and it can give you a virtual introduction rather than the cold approach
  • Similarly, join a society. Societies often have small meet-ups either before events or at meetings, and so you can make connections in a smaller, less intimidating space
  • Submit work. It’s much less intimidating if people come and speak to you rather than the other way around
  • Know it’s absolutely OK to need to tap out and have your own space, but make sure this is pre-planned so you don’t miss the reason you came to the event

Right, well, having talked about the need to be prepared. I haven’t even packed yet, so I’d better get on that. If any of you are Liverpool bound, make sure you come and say hi. I’m there Wednesday and Thursday.

All opinions in this blog are my own

If you would like more tips and advice linked to your PhD journey then the first every Girlymicrobiologist book is here to help!

This book goes beyond the typical academic handbook, acknowledging the unique challenges and triumphs faced by PhD students and offering relatable, real-world advice to help you:

  • Master the art of effective research and time management to stay organized and on track.
  • Build a supportive network of peers, mentors, and supervisors to overcome challenges and foster collaboration.
  • Maintain a healthy work-life balance by prioritizing self-care and avoiding burnout.
  • Embrace the unexpected and view setbacks as opportunities for growth and innovation.
  • Navigate the complexities of academia with confidence and build a strong professional network


This book starts at the very beginning, with why you might want to do a PhD, how you might decide what route to PhD is right for you, and what a successful application might look like.

It then takes you through your PhD journey, year by year, with tips about how to approach and succeed during significant moments, such as attending your first conference, or writing your first academic paper.

Finally, you will discover what other skills you need to develop during your PhD to give you the best route to success after your viva. All of this supported by links to activities on The Girlymicrobiologist blog, to help you with practical exercises in order to apply what you have learned.

Take a look on Amazon to find out more

When is setting a goal, not a goal? When it’s an unattainable burden: Talking about making goals useful and fit for purpose

girlymicro Academic Life, Education, General , , , , , , , ,

I’ve been thinking a lot about goals lately as I have two awesome PhD students who are currently in the thesis writing mines, and having taken a few years away, I’m preparing to re-enter the grant writing labyrinth. This thinking has led me to actively spend some time considering what can make a goal helpful, but also what can make it a millstone around your neck and something that actually makes life tougher.

As you’d probably expect, I spend a lot of my working life talking to people about goals, be they personal or organisational. I’ve also spent the last 20 or so years setting good goals and also setting some truly dreadful ones, either because they were unachievable or developed in a way that just wasn’t helpful. So I thought this might be a good moment to share what I think a good goal should look like in case it helps.

Goals should be S.M.A.R.T.

You will hear an awful lot about how goals should be S.M.A.R.T. These criteria were proposed by George T. Doran (1981) and stated that goals should be:

  • Specific: Targeting a particular area for improvement.
  • Measurable: Quantifying, or at least suggesting, an indicator of progress.
  • Assignable: Defining responsibility clearly.
  • Realistic: Outlining attainable results with available resources.
  • Time-related: Including a timeline for expected results

These principles can make goal setting sound really complex, and like their development will take a whole bunch of time. That can definitely be true if you are setting things up for a big piece of work or a project. The principles can however also be applied to more modest goals that aren’t about big things. For instance, if I manage to do a 20 minute block of writing right now, I will reward myself with a pot of the pink earl grey tea I currently love so much. Therefore getting into a habit of thinking what is achievable and embedding specificity, even into the little things, is a good routine to get into.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMART_criteria

The right goal can get you over hump day

One of the reasons I find goal setting so useful is it can get me away from big picture thinking. Sometimes, seeing the big picture is what you need. They are other times, however, when seeing that big picture can feel overwhelming or dis-empowering, and what I need is to be able to break my task/goal into small enough chunks that I think I will be able to take the steps forward that I need.

In all honesty, sometimes those chunks have to be pretty damn small if I’m struggling. Sometimes, they can be larger. Sometimes, they can aim at controlling the next 5 minutes of my life, and sometimes, they can focus on a whole day. A key piece of learning for me has been to understand what I need to have in order to service the need, whilst acknowledging that I’m not a robot, and so some days I will need to accept that my productivity looks different.

If I’m setting up a big set of goals for a project, I therefore need to be flexible enough in my approach to allow variation in how any blocks of sub goals written can be brought together or modified based on the needs of the day. Motivating enough to get me over the hump, not so formidable that I’d rather do nothing than look them in the eye.

No goal stage should take longer than you can attain in one sitting

This is a big one, for me at least, no individual goal should take you longer than one sitting. That one sitting could be a day, on some days that one sitting could be 20 minutes, but one sitting is my time boundary for an individual sub goal.

There are a few reasons for this:

  • Different sub goals can get combined based on how I’m feeling and my capacity to be challenged on any specific day
  • Keeping them time limited means that they are easier to monitor, tick off and see progress, even when it feels like a slog
  • I find it easier to plan my total work that needs to be achieved/go into something if I have a workable unit of input that is going to be required
  • It means that I only ever have to do one achievable thing in order to feel like I’ve done something. Otherwise, failing to complete my goal because I’ve set myself too much to do, can leave me feeling like I’ve failed rather than I’ve failed to plan appropriately

A lot of this, for me, is about learning how to trick my brain so I can move forward even on those days when I just don’t really want to but it has wider benefits in terms of tracking and flexibility in terms of thinking outside of delivery alone.

Goals can be multistage

All of this doesn’t mean that you can’t use goal setting to work towards a big plan, a big vision, or a big task. If you are working towards your 5 year plan, your thesis, your fellowship, you absolutely need to have a plan and goals that encompasses everything.   The plan cannot however be ‘write a thesis’ or even ‘write a thesis by the end of 2024’. Those types of goals are the ones that become millstones as they include all the expectation aspects of a goal with none of the pathway that would enable you to achieve what’s needed.

Multistage goals require you to look at your big picture and then turn it into a 1000 piece jigsaw, where most of the time you are trying to find a home for a single piece, but you keep the lid of the box with the picture to hand in order to guide you along the way. Getting to a point where you are able to break the whole down requires you to do 2 things. One, do your research so you know about the project/larger goal in detail. This enables you to sensibly decide where you can segment it. Two, spend some time getting to know yourself, what motivates you and your rhythms, so that you can be sure you are breaking down the whole in a way that facilitates rather than hinders the way that you work. There is no point in being deluded and pretending you are or work like someone else. At this point, realism, no matter how much you like or dislike the truth, is key.

Goals should have details

I will say this once more with feeling (still one of my favourite Buffy episodes). Your goals must never be things like:  ‘write a chapter’, ‘write a paper’, ‘write a thesis’. Not unless you have a constant level of superhuman motivation. Your goals need to be much more specific and achievable.

There’s an example of a high level goal written below, but I tell you that I would find that unachievable if that is all I had. I would need sub goals below it per week and per day. I say this as someone who used to run half marathons. I would need a ‘on week one of training I will run so many miles’ and ‘on day one of week one I will do X’. Otherwise, I would get to the end of week one supposedly needing to run 30 miles that week having run none, and facing up to the fact that I would have failed at the first hurdle as there was no way I was running 30 miles on a single weekend. This kind of failure can really get into your head and change how you feel about the next stage, and ensuring you don’t make life harder for yourself is a key life lesson.

Goals should aid focus

You will not feel world beating every day. What good looks like will change on different days. It is foolish, therefore, to pretend otherwise when you are planning your sub goals. Again, you need to be planning for reality, not idealism. It is not only sensible but essential therefore to include flexibility in your goal setting that takes this into account.

One of the best ways I’ve found to do this is to make sure that I have a mix of different styles and types of goals. I include tasks for those days where I don’t have the focus for sustained deep activities, where all I can face is picking around the edges, as well as ones for those days when I can tackle the big thinking and can really dig deep. A good example of this is making sure you have a list of the essential, time consuming but slightly mindless work that always needs to be done for any paper or thesis. Things like figure checking, formatting wrinkles and cross referencing. Don’t waste your days when you have energy and focus on these, keep a list to one side so that even on days you don’t feel ‘on it’ you are able to still feel like you are moving things forwards. Be cogniscent of your state of mind and use that to make the best use of your time.

Goals should support your process not become an additional stressor

My husband has probably lost count of the number of times he’s found me crying on the sofa, and when he’s asked what’s wrong, I’ve said the world is going to end because I’m going to miss deadline X or Y. When he’s then followed up with a question linked to who has set the deadline, invariably he finds that it’s self imposed. He then looks at me with compassion and gently (or forcibly depending on my need) reminds me that if I set the deadline I could also, you know, change the deadline…..

These moments always remind me that the purpose of a goal is that it should enable you to cut out the noise and focus on the now, not become a distraction or thing to be overcome. A good goal should enable you to be motivated even when you don’t feel like it. A good goal should give you an objective way to capture progress, even when you feel you aren’t making any. The best kind of goal should mean that you don’t end up in a crying heap on the sofa as they stop you reaching that point. So develop good habits about goal setting, and your future self will thank you.

Ensure you have a way to monitor progress

I’ve said a good goal should be measurable. There a couple of reasons for this. First, at a very basic level you need to be able to tell when it’s been completed. Setting a goal like ‘improve my piano skills’ sounds fine, but how do you classify that? When will enough improvement be reached? Is sitting for 5 minutes and running scales enough, or are you wanting to be able to play more than Chopsticks?

Second, if you are involved in something that is big or multi goal, you will need to be able to see progress being made.  Part of this, if you think like me, is that I need to be able to visualise that I’m moving forward in order to maintain my motivation, and being a scientist I like quantitative data to show that I’m not just lying to myself. The other component of this is about learning for future activities. By setting measurable goals that have time scales attached, in order to can capture trends, supports you to be able to set better goals in the future . For instance, I know that I always under allocate time and have learnt the hard way that I need to add 1/4 additional time to things vs. the time I originally planned. I have also learnt that I will take an age on the initial phases of any piece of work, way way longer than I had allocated. This means, however, that my writing phases tend to be much shorter than allocated, as if I’ve done my planning/thinking, I can get 5000 words down a day.

If I don’t have goals that are not only measurable but monitored, I can only get part of the benefit of undertaking the work linked to setting the goal in the first place. So do future you a favour and make sure that you have mechanisms for doing both as part of your day to day to maximise both your outputs and your learning.

Goals should be regularly reviewed

You will only get the learning potential out of goals if you see those goals as live items. Pieces of a puzzle that should be regularly reviewed by holding them up against the box lid, which has the wider picture. Goals that are no longer helping should be reviewed, and the whole plan should remain flexible enough to change so that it can better fulfil the purpose. If you find out that you have allocated time scales that don’t work, missed out crucial stages, or just made individual goals too big and need to break them up, this is much easier to fix if you embed reflection throughout. Otherwise, you can end up crying on the sofa as you have been too inflexible or focused on the finish line to flex the details along the way.

I would advocate setting reflection points at regular time intervals, but also at the start and end of a new stage, in order to think what went well and not so well. For instance, if you are writing the first data chapter of your thesis, were your time allocations correct? How did your list of mop up activities work? Was there anything you missed out or had present that you didn’t need? Then, use this learning to adjust everything moving forward. It’s also worth having a wider review stage at the end so that you can roll any higher level themes into your learning for next time. You may not write another thesis, but you will write other large documents, so maximise the learning opportunities where ever possible.

At the end of the day, you rather than the goal, are the one who needs to be in control

The purpose of all of this thinking and preparation is not, in the end, to make extra work for yourself. The purpose of this is to give yourself a framework to support thought and mean you don’t waste time or lose direction later on. A goal is a tool to help, not a noose to choke self confidence or creativity.

The other thing to bear in mind is that a goal is not a deadline, and we should stop treating them as such. A goal is a way of helping you deliver to deadlines, but it is not an end in itself. You will have goals for things that don’t have formal deadlines, and you may even have deadlines for things that don’t require goals. Knowing the difference and seeing goal setting as just another tool in your toolkit that is there to help you achieve and reach your aspirations can really help change your relationship with goals and goal setting. If your goal does take control and end up becoming a deadline in itself, lay back and enjoy the feeling that comes with the sound of it whooshing past in order to re-set your relationship and put yourself back in the driving seat. You are the one in control after all.

All opinions in this blog are my own

If you would like more tips and advice linked to your PhD journey then the first every Girlymicrobiologist book is here to help!

This book goes beyond the typical academic handbook, acknowledging the unique challenges and triumphs faced by PhD students and offering relatable, real-world advice to help you:

  • Master the art of effective research and time management to stay organized and on track.
  • Build a supportive network of peers, mentors, and supervisors to overcome challenges and foster collaboration.
  • Maintain a healthy work-life balance by prioritizing self-care and avoiding burnout.
  • Embrace the unexpected and view setbacks as opportunities for growth and innovation.
  • Navigate the complexities of academia with confidence and build a strong professional network

This book starts at the very beginning, with why you might want to do a PhD, how you might decide what route to PhD is right for you, and what a successful application might look like.

It then takes you through your PhD journey, year by year, with tips about how to approach and succeed during significant moments, such as attending your first conference, or writing your first academic paper.

Finally, you will discover what other skills you need to develop during your PhD to give you the best route to success after your viva. All of this supported by links to activities on The Girlymicrobiologist blog, to help you with practical exercises in order to apply what you have learned.

Take a look on Amazon to find out more

Tales of a Recovering Workaholic: Talking about the darker side of success

girlymicro Academic Life, Education, General, Healthcare Science, Leadership, Microbiology (Clinical) , , , , , , ,

I’ve been thinking a lot about pathways in healthcare lately, from having conversations about T-levels and apprenticeships this week, to equivalence and Higher Specialist Scientific Training (HSST) posts. It’s made me reflect a lot on my own training pathways and the fact that the majority of the advice I received was that the only option, in terms of approach, was to work harder and do more. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is some merit to that, and there is also some truth, but I had it drilled into me that you can’t be successful if you do a 9 – 5. You must always do more. You must always over deliver. You must always be adding to and diversifying your CV.

This advice and approach has been key to me developing into the person I am now. I am objectively successful and so grateful for the support I’ve received along the way. I have the long dreamed of Consultant post, and my dream job. I was made a professor within 10 years of finishing my PhD. I’ve held multi-million pound grants and have over 50 publications. The other side of the coin is that, despite being exhausted, I can never sleep for the number of things I haven’t finished, and I constantly feel like I’m not doing or achieving enough. I’ve also written before about the impact of my anxiety levels when I’m tired or try to step away. So, as new starter season comes upon us, I wanted to take a moment to really talk about the messages we are giving our trainees, and ourselves, to think about how true they are for current training opportunities and what we can do better for those that follow us.

Let’s start with a bit of history and the messaging that we used to focus on as part of training

Goal orientated view of the world

During my first week as a trainee Clinical Scientist, I was sat down and told that it was an 11 year training scheme to Consultant, but it was up to me to put in the work and make it happen. Well, I worked pretty damn hard, including not having a weekend off at one point for 3 years, and it still took me 16 years. Does that make me a failure? I don’t think so. Does that mean that I should have worked hard to make it happen in 11? I’m not sure of how I could. In fact, I don’t know of anyone who made it happen in 11 years. Of the 4 of us who started, only 3 are now Consultants, and we were a pretty committed bunch. So were we all set up to fail?

The whole scheme was designed with that 11 year target in mind. I understand it from a strategic point of view. There are a lot of boxes to be ticked. Our situation was made even harder as there were only 3 years’ worth of funding for a scheme that required 4 years of professional practice to gain registration. That meant you also had to prove yourself worthy and useful enough that someone would decide to fund you for that extra year. Otherwise, everything had been a waste, and you would walk away unregistered and unlikely therefore to get a job.

My main problem with this approach is that it doesn’t really allow scope for exploration, and it really doesn’t allow time for creativity. It trains you into the ‘onto the next thing’ approach. I certainly had no time for celebration or reflection between stages. I was always trying to make sure that I was useful enough to remain employed, and in later stages, as it took me 13 years to be made permanent, I had to also ensure I was bringing in sufficient money to cover my salary so I would be kept in a job. It also means that when you finally do get all those boxes ticked and get your dream job, you are so trained into the tick box way of life that you are left searching for what the next box should be, rather than embedding and celebrating what you have achieved.

There is nothing that cannot be fixed if you work hard enough

When I started work, I used to read a book at my desk during my lunchtime, like I had when I worked at Birmingham City Council. It would always be some variety of fiction novel. I came into work one day during my first few months, and a pile of textbooks had been left on my desk with a post-it note suggesting that maybe I should read these instead. The implication, to me, was that it was not acceptable to have downtime, that any moment I had should be used to continuously work and improve myself. In short,’I must try harder’ ‘I must work more’ in order to justify the privileged position I was in. If I wasn’t going to lunchtime talks, the time should be used for other improving activities.

I also remember clearly listening to amazing female Healthcare Scientists talking at events about how, to achieve as a woman, you always had to work harder and do more than anyone around you. It was made very clear that it was required to constantly go above and beyond if you wanted to reach their position, if you wanted to succeed, if you wanted to make a difference.

The messaging has always been pretty clear. No matter how hard you are working, it probably isn’t enough, and you must work harder. Otherwise, you will fail and let everyone who had faith in you down, as well as yourself. If experiments fail, you don’t go home, rest and reflect, and come back tomorrow. You stay and set it up again. There were just too many midnight finishes to count during my journey to Consultant. If you want it, you will just work harder until it happens. I submitted my PhD a year early in order to achieve FRCPath whilst on my fellowship. At the same time, I took a PGCert in education because I recognised that it was important for my career path and my interests. Looking back, doing those three things simultaneously was foolish beyond measure. At the time, I thought I was just demonstrating that I had what it took.

Effort must be continuous

At the very start of training, I remember sitting over a bunsen burner crying. I was so ill, but no one around me ever took any time off sick, and it was just not considered to be OK. Eventually, I was sent home as I just couldn’t breathe, but it was very much ‘see you tomorrow’. Having an ‘off day’ was not something that happened. The hard earned truth I’ve learned to accept is that my best looks different from day to day. Some days, I could take on the world. Other days, I struggle to crawl across the line at the end of the day. Especially with a health condition made worse by stress, the idea that I can just ignore it, carry on, and always achieve amazing things every day is sheer madness. This was how I tried to work, however, and it took seniority and growing older to come to terms with the fact that this was just not achievable.

The thing about seniority is interesting. There is something about seniority and being able to give yourself permission to do things differently, which is worth mentioning. That’s not the real difference, though. I think the real difference is in the expectation setting. I try to be the person who gives others permission to acknowledge that some days are harder than others. Who checks why people are still there when they should have gone home. Doing this for others has the side benefit of reminding me that sometimes it’s OK to also do this for myself. It is not possible, nor is it necessary, to work at 100% all of the time. There will be days when you absolutely need to bring it, but there will be recovery days when what you should do is catch your breath, and if possible, do some reflection in order to make things better long term. A career is a marathon and not a sprint, after all.

There is no room for failure

This one isn’t just a work thing. It’s definitely a family thing too. My father is infamous for saying that no child of his has ever failed anything, and we weren’t about to start now when I was worried about FRCPath.

The Clinical Scientist training programme has always been competitive. Getting into the programme was competitive,  but even when you were in it, my experience was that the programme itself was pretty competitive. The people on it were used to being at the top of their class, and I experienced a fair amount of posturing throughout my first 4 years. Far from being tackled and a focus placed in peer support and collaboration, I feel like the rhetoric around the programme added to this. The focus on there not being enough places for us all to get posts when we finished, and the constant commentary on only the best of the best being able to get Consultant posts, placed us in direct competition with each other from day one. Therefore, you couldn’t talk about challenges for fear of disclosing weakness that would impact your future. That atmosphere is one of the reasons I’m so passionate about talking about the reality of the job on this blog, both the highs and the lows, as I didn’t have any way to normalise my experiences when I was training and in the midst of them. I hope posting will help others in finding a benchmark for ‘normal’ that I didn’t have.

Even on a day to day basis failure was not an acceptable part of training. To this day, I remember that one of my fellow trainees reported a NEQAS result (part of a quality control scheme), and she got it wrong. The result got reported, and the department lost a point on the national scheme. In reality, it should have been checked by someone else before it went out, but it happened. The virology consultant at the time never spoke to them again. We would sit in joint tutorials, and he would ask a question, he would then wait for my response even if I was just repeating what my colleague just said. He would respond to my answer but not theirs. There was never a review of what had happened and how the mistake had occurred. There was no acceptance of the fact that being part of a quality scheme is there to support learning and to identify where improvements can be made. There was just a long-term change in the way that trainee was seen and how they were then supported. It was a clear demonstration of what would happen if a mistake was made and that it would impact how your working life would be from that point on.

Quitting is not an option

The same trainee went through a hard time during her final year. She basically spent a lot of her time crying, and the response was that she was allowed to come in 30 minutes late. She started to see a therapist, and even though we never met, I owe that therapist a lot. Her therapist pointed out that in the three years she had been in post she had never been out for a cup of tea with a colleague, so she was given homework to ask someone out for tea, and she asked me. This was a real turning point for me. We went for tea, and we had a real conversation about the things that were both hard and good. It was the first time that I felt less alone. It was also the start of a conscious decision I made to take people off site for tea, to support better conversations, that I’ve continued to this day.

Later that year, she walked away. She made a decision to go a different way. It took enormous strength to do it, and even now, I have enormous admiration for her. Until that point, I hadn’t known anyone make a decision that prioritised their wellbeing rather than the CV tick boxing. The general attitude was that Healthcare Science is a small world, and you were incredibly fortunate to be a part of it. It was so hard to get into, and you had put in so much that you would be crazy to walk away. There was judgement linked to failed experiments, let alone walking away from the programme. Seeing someone break that mould was incredibly powerful.

The truth is none of these messages are entirely true, so how do we do a better job of messaging for current training programmes?

Training is just that, a learning programme, a time to explore, fail, and reflect on those failures in order to learn to do things better. If the messaging I experienced as a trainee now feel less than ideal, what messages should we be encouraging? I’ve been having a think and these are some that I would like us to have better conversations about:

We are more than the sum of our qualifications

Not everyone is going to become a Consultant.  Not everyone is going to get FRCPath and a PhD. You know what, that’s perfectly OK. It doesn’t stop you aspiring for those things if that’s what you want. However, our trainees are not in a Hunger Games style competition to be the last one standing. More than that, how good you are at your job is not dictated by how many qualifications you pick up along the way. Some of the most amazing Biomedical Scientists I know and have the privilege to work with don’t have a masters degree. It’s OK to be a brilliant band 7, and be satisfied and fulfilled by the role you have. Your qualifications don’t define your worth, and it’s OK to make choices that aren’t about playing CV bingo. It is also OK to decide that those things matter to you, you still aren’t defined by them. They have the value you choose to give them.

It’s OK to pause and reflect

No career is a straight path, no matter how it looks from the outside. There will be bumps along the way and the odd hill/mountain to climb. You will reach the destination better for it. You will be able to handle the journey a whole lot better if you allow yourself time to pause and reflect along the way. A big part of development is about making time to reflect on where you are and where you are going to, but also asking the big questions about whether those decisions and reflections you’ve made previously are valid for where you are now. You will be working for decades, and the decisions you make in your 20s are unlikely to reflect the decisions you might make in your 40s, so making time for active reflection isn’t a luxury, it’s an essential part of a professional career.

Knowing when to change direction requires courage

In many ways, I’ve been pretty fortunate, the things that I’ve wanted have aligned with my values and have stayed pretty consistent. This could easily have changed, however. I suspect that if I’d been able to have a family, my focus may have altered somewhat. Knowing when to change your focus or direction is important. This a balancing act between knowing when you just need to double down because things are getting difficult, or when you have truly shifted as a person and that you have to change direction to reflect this. Mentorship and coaching can really help with both this and the reflection that may get you to that moment. Acknowledging that continuing down a path ‘just because’ may not be the right thing and that it requires courage to sometimes jump off a cliff and make a big switch is a step that may require additional support.

Your value is not defined by your productivity

This is the one that I struggle with most and therefore know I probably fail to provide the best leadership around. I often feel that ‘I’m do what I say’ not ‘do what I do’ in this area. I often feel defined by my to-do list, and when that gets out of control, as it often does, I place a LOT of judgement on myself. The thing is, if I get hit by a car tomorrow, no one is talking about my to-do list failures at my funeral. I hope that they will talk about how I made them feel, and maybe even this blog. It is hard, but we can choose what defines us. You have that power. One of the reasons this blog is ‘Tales of a recovering workaholic’ is because I recognise I need to change, and I’m hoping to do a better job of playing this on forward and encouraging our trainees to be defined as well rounded individuals with interests outside of work. We need to encourage a holistic view of value in ourselves and others.

There is no prize for working the hardest

The biggest lie I felt that was embedded in my original training programme was that if you just worked hard enough and ticked the required boxes, the prize was there at the end of the race. The hard truth is working hardest does not get you the job. Ticking all the boxes makes the outcome more likely, but it doesn’t guarantee you anything. There is no prize for the most midnight finishes. Trust me, I’ve done enough of them to know. To a certain extent, the prize for working hard is more work. If you set the bar at working most weekends, then your work just expands, so you have to work most weekends in order to keep on top of everything. If you require external validation, like me, this can be a really dangerous game to get into. If we see this in our trainees or ourselves, I think it’s important to recognise and actively find other ways to find that validation before it becomes built in or results in negative consequences.

The next generation of trainees deserve to benefit from the experiences of those that came before, both in terms of knowledge and in learning how we could do it differently. The working environment has changed, as have our trainees and training pathways. By thinking more about our messaging we can make the work place right now more suited to where we want it to be, rather than relying on chance to make it better. Everyone has a role to play, but we, as leaders and educators, should be prepared to lead by example and own the change we wish to see.

All opinions in this blog are my own

It’s Me. Hi. I’m the Problem, It’s Me: Why being perceived as the ‘difficult’ one may just mean you’re doing your job

girlymicro General, Leadership , , , , , , ,

Over the weekend, whilst I was playing email catch up, Mr Girlymicro headed off do a museum tour with our long-term friend. Whilst he was wandering he fell upon part of the Taylor Swift songbook trail and sent me this picture:

Now, everyone globally now seems to be a Tay-Tay fan, but she and I go all the way back to FRCPath revision tracks. I’m currently obsessing about the track Anti-hero, which has the following bridge:

It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me (I’m the problem, it’s me)
At tea time, everybody agrees
I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror
It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

Whilst working on a Saturday, when I would have preferred to be the one taking the photos in the Victoria and Albert Museum, these words really struck a cord. I was making my way through over 2000 emails, and it’s true, I am the problem, it is me. I am the one who apparently spends most of her time asking the questions people don’t want asked or holds the line saying ‘none shall pass’ (and not in a cool way like Gandalf).

This can feel really soul destroying. It can be hard to be perceived as the person ‘who always says no’ or the person ‘who is just being difficult’, especially when you are undertaking that role with patient safety and the best practice of all involved as your priority. So for this week’s delayed post I thought it might be useful to remind myself, and you if you need it too, why sometimes being difficult just means we’re doing the job we’ve been employed to do.

Needing to understand before agreeing

I’ve talked before about how important it is to understand what your role in the room is. Are you there as an advisor or a decision maker? Either way, I’d like to think it is crucial to understand what is being suggested in a thorough way before either advising or making a decision. This is important as Group Think is something you can see happening in a lot of rooms across the different types of spaces I work in.

Groupthink is a phenomenon that occurs when a group of well-intentioned people makes irrational or non-optimal decisions spurred by the urge to conform or the belief that dissent is impossible. The problematic or premature consensus that is characteristic of groupthink may be fuelled by a particular agenda—or it may be due to group members valuing harmony and coherence above critical thought.

We’ve all been there. There is one dominant or senior member in the room, and they speak first. Instead of engaging in discussion or unpicking the components, other people in the room then just agree. This unchallenged agreement can come from all kinds of individual drivers:

  • Not really being engaged in the issue
  • High levels of respect and low wish to challenge
  • Avoidance of challenging as may impact on relationship capital
  • Lack of understanding combined with a wish to not draw attention
  • Absence of empowerment to question
  • Time pressures

There are obviously plenty of other reasons, and every group is slightly different. What doesn’t change, however, is that if we are in the room, we have the responsibility to ensure that the evaluation process is as effective as possible, and sometimes that requires us to be the ‘difficult’ person who drives the discussion to go that bit deeper before decisions are made.

Asking the annoying questions

One of the key ways to drive discussions to a deeper level is through the use of questions. These can help in the obvious ways to gain a greater understanding of process, evidence, or data. They can also help in other ways by increasing your understanding of the drivers behind positions and eliciting responses from those who are participating less actively.

The way in which this is done can be very audience dependent. If a rep from a company comes to see me selling a product, I will feel I am licensed to ask probing questions linked to their evidence, as they have come to me and my job in that space is to thoroughly evaluate their claims. In a room where I may not fully understand a process that is being suggested, then my questions will be aimed at clarity and come from a place of curiosity so that I can feel I have everything I need to comment. I’m quite far past a fear of looking stupid at this point. I’m OK with appearing foolish as long as it gets us to the right place. Questions are key to avoiding group uncertainty and Group Think, so buckle up, we may be here for a while.

Standing against the tide

This all sounds pretty straightforward, right? Sadly, I’ve been in rooms where it has been anything but. There are quite a lot of ways where meeting structures themselves can be manipulated, either by design or unintentionally, to make discussion and questioning difficult. A really simple example of this is the allocation of timings to agendas. This is, in general, a really great thing and allows significantly improved Chairing of a meeting. If an agenda item has only been given a 5 minute slot however, it is unlikely to get a decent level of discussion associated with it. It can then require commitment and bravery to ask the Chair for it to be re-tabled at a later date with increased time allowed. Chairs, in meeting settings, are key to facilitating good decision making. It is a hard and often thankless job. The problems really tend to happen when your dominant voice is also the Chair and doesn’t recognise the need to flex their style whilst they are in this different role. At this point making requests to change agendas, or increase discussion time can be challenging, as it depends on the Chairs appetite to support.

Pointing out the obvious

Earlier in my career, I sat in many of a room where I felt I could see obvious flaws or issues, but kept quiet as everyone else seemed OK with it, and I therefore felt I was just missing something.  I’d then leave the room and point out what I’d noticed, and invariably, someone else in there had been thinking the same thing, but was also reticent to speak up, or saw things differently after the discussion. This taught me how important it is to own your role in the room. If you are there, you have a responsibility to understand and then speak up if needed.

This isn’t easy. It isn’t comfortable. If you don’t do it, however, then you are complicit, and you have to own any negative outcomes. I find this one particularly hard when you are pointing out fundamental flaws in a passion project or where others are highly invested, and therefore may only be seeing the positive aspects rather than a holistic view. Being the lone voice in this setting can be incredibly hard, but that doesn’t make it any less necessary and probably makes it more important.

Holding your ground

I’ve been called a lot of names for trying to ensure the best possible outcome, with difficult and obstructive probably being the nicest version of them. The thing is, I’m never doing this for the sake of doing it. I welcome innovation. I’m excited by change. I’m not interested in either at ‘any cost’, especially working in healthcare. For example, adding a beautiful ‘green wall’ makes complete sense from a mental health point of view, but no sense from a patient risk perspective in an immunocompromised setting. My job is to articulate that, and both draw and hold the line where needed. So, sometimes, I can be pretty intransigent on the big issues. That’s because big issues can have big consequences if we get them wrong, and my role is to put patients before my ego or comfort. To me, that’s what working in Infection Prevention and Control is all about. I suspect it’s also why I don’t get sent boxes of chocolates from other departments at Christmas.

Keeping others to account

One of the other reasons it’s important to be able to hold your ground and bring discussion to the table is that Group Think is not just how you react as part of the table, it’s about how the whole group is working. The way groups develop and work changes over time, as there are different phases of group formation, according to Tuckman’s model:

  • Forming
  • Storming
  • Norming
  • Performing
  • Adjourning

Depending on where the group is, in terms of its development, can influence how comfortable members are with communicating, but also how at risk of Group Think the group is.

Being a conscious participant in this process so that you can raise awareness of how well decisions are being made and how the structure of the sessions are set up to, either to help or hinder, is a key responsibility of being part of any group. Groups can become pretty toxic or non-performing, but they tend to do so by inches, and that sometimes means it takes time to notice or a big act/decision for it to become apparent. 

It takes bravery to stand out and be the one who says that things aren’t working well, but it is better than becoming complicit in the process by knowing and not doing something. It can be even harder during the initial phases of a group becoming less effective, as this is often more of a feeling than a tangible change. Finding the right time and the right way to talk about it is therefore key. I often think that it is, at times like these, encouraging an active group effectiveness review is a good way to start, where you look at what the group is trying to achieve and how well they are achieving it, combine with some anonymous survey questions to capture the ‘feeling’ component. Building these reviews in from the start at period intervals can also enable any creep to be captured without relying on individuals to put their heads above the parapet.

Speaking your truth

I know I’ve said this before, but sometimes, at its most basic, it’s OK to disagree. You are allowed your opinion,  and you shouldn’t have to feel silenced, or that your opinion doesn’t matter, just because you are not the most senior/dominant person in the room. You and your voice matter.

I had an interesting conversation with a colleague a few weeks ago who pointed out that from their perspective, we never agreed. Now, putting aside the dialogue about whether this is true, I don’t think that disagreement is a fundamentally bad thing, especially if it’s handled with mutual respect. We don’t want clones of each other in a room. We want diversity, we want different lenses and visions of the world, we want different lived experience, and different ways of thinking. It is only through that constructive challenge that we may find the route forward that no one can see on their own, or from their own perspective. Good discussion, good collaboration enables us to make better decisions, that’s why we have groups in the first place.

All of this is a long way of saying that I think it is crucial to speak your truth, to offer your opinion and insight, as long as you don’t believe it is the only truth or way forward. It’s OK to be the person who disagrees as long as you are doing it for the right reasons.

Keep it classy

This brings me on to the fact that I think there are different ways of handling how you speak up and associated discussions, and they can impact how the situation feels for all involved. One of the reasons that I think it’s important to start with curiosity and questioning, is not only to gain information, but to show you are not starting out with judgement. The other thing that I find helpful is to keep the focus on the task, process, object in question, rather than letting it drift into me and them territory. This can be so hard because people are often deeply invested in their position and view points. I’m no different. It can also be hard as it can feel, when someone is questioning, like the individual is being attacked rather than the item in question. This can lead to an emotional, rather than logical response on all sides and mean that discussions become much less productive. Being aware of this and how choices of approach and word selection can impact is crucial to outcome.

One of the reasons that I’m emphasising this, is because when we are worried about speaking out, we, at least I, can work myself up prior to it happening, because I expect the worst. You can then enter the scenario is a defensive stance, when really you need to focus on being as open as possible in order to facilitate the discussion. The balance between openness and holding the line can be a difficult line to walk, but both are important. I’m still learning and trying to be better at this one, but where you can, leave your emotions at the door.

Keep the faith

At the end of the day, when you get home and look at yourself in the mirror, you need to be able to face what you see. For me, although I’m a people pleaser, I also know that I need to put that aside and be OK with being uncomfortable, in order to deliver on my role and ensure that patients are the constant focus. Does that mean it is easy? No. Does that mean I should stop doing it? Hell no. Nothing in this life that is worth doing is easy. Do I sometimes wish that others would appreciate what it takes to sit as the lone woman in a room and voice an opinion that does not align with the rest? All the time. No one is going to give you a medal for the kind of bravery this takes however, the reward is knowing that you left things just a smidgen better than how you found them. So keep the faith. Keep the faith in the system, but most of all, keep the faith in yourself. You are able to make great change and achieve great things, you just have to keep going, keep moving, one step forward at a time.

All opinions in this blog are my own

Understanding the Scope of Our Influence: Why we have to stop trying to ‘fix’ everything

girlymicro General, Leadership , , , , ,

I was having a retro moment recently, and I happened to hear The Mending Song from Bagpuss. It landed with me in a way that it hadn’t before. Many of us are ‘fixers’, that’s probably the reason we ended up working in healthcare. We are focussed on trying to make everything better, be that people, organisations, cultures or situations. There is no challenge that many of our ‘fix it’ nature’s won’t try to tackle.

This seemed especially poignant, as I posted last month about approaches when work life becomes challenging. A key aspect that struck me when I was writing that post was about really understanding what sits within our scope to impact and what doesn’t. There’s a really clear reason why it is important to understand this. If the thing you are trying to impact or ‘fix’ is outside your scope of impact or control, no matter how much you want it to be otherwise, you are setting yourself up for failure if your success criteria include change. You are setting yourself up for disappointment, stress, and frustration before you even start. This doesn’t mean that you can’t work to change your scope of influence or set a different set of success criteria, but that is really a different thing. If just just dive right in there, without first addressing this fundamental barrier, all you will impact is your blood pressure.

We will find it, we will bind it We will stick it with glue, glue, glue We will stickle it, every little bit of it We will fix it like new, new, new.

So, how do we understand what is in and out of our scope to impact or control. Well, there are layers to this, and it does truly depend on whether you are trying to influence or whether you are going as far as trying to control.

In terms of true control, the only person is we can exert that on is ourselves. Trying to control anything else sets us up for failure. So why did we try?

Impact and influence are a bit different. I think deep down we know the piece about control, but we are less good at having the conversation with ourselves about impact and influence. We start trying to ‘fix’ things and then see ourselves as failures when it doesn’t happen. The years during and since the pandemic have been a real life lesson in this area for me. So, in this post I’m going to talk about 6 areas where I’ve sought to undertake ‘the fix’, failed, and learnt why I’d set myself up with expectations that could not be achieved.

You can’t always ‘fix’ people

Throughout my life, I have been a somewhat collector of lost souls. From early boyfriends to PhD students who have had supervision issues, I’m a real believer that we should always be there for others and take situations as we find them, rather than judging based on hearsay or prior scenarios. Before I get started here, I’d like to say that I still strongly believe in this. What I have learnt the hard way though is that a certain percentage of time, the prior experiences of the person are so strong that patterns cannot be altered. If you take the open door approach, there will, therefore, be times when you can’t change the outcomes in the way you’d like.

When this happened to me recently, I wasted a lot of time agonising about what I should have done differently, where my flaws were in terms of response, where I had failed. I have come to realise that that time was wasted emotional energy that removed my focus from other important things. Don’t get me wrong, I think active reflection is always important, but there is a difference between that and entering into a self flagellation pity party. One is essential and productive, and the other leads to spirals and self recrimination.

Once I exited the spiral I realised I had fallen into thinking I had control rather than understanding my influence on another person, especially a person who is not a close friend or family, is always going to be highly limited. You can offer support, and you can change environments within your influence, but the person who actually has the control is the individual you are aiming to support. The work has to be done by them and not you. You can’t work harder as a surrogate for them.

As a result of this, I’m trying to be much more self-aware of where my control actually sits and using this to support my thinking in terms of boundaries and expectation setting. I’m giving myself permission to avoid entering into relationships that extend beyond support into ‘fixing’ territory. I’m also learning that this is important in maintaining my mental health and well-being. It is hard to see how badly those can be impacted until the situation is resolved, but I can’t help anyone else if I am not in a good space, and so sacrificing my mental well being is actually a short sighted response that leads to no one getting a good outcome in the end. It feels selfish, but sometimes you have to put yourself first.

You can’t always ‘fix’ situations

There are plenty of times when people come to you as someone in a leadership position and want you to ‘fix’ something. Sometimes, this is possible, often, more often than I’d hoped, you can make or help someone to make a step, but the ‘fix’ is out of your control.

On a large scale, I have previously written about some of the decision-making  during the pandemic. It was a really humbling and eye opening experience to discover how quickly scope of influence can expand and contract, and how much that scope of influence changes based on whether you are currently acting in the role of decision maker or not. Having people come to you and advocate for vastly different positions, combined with actually having a time limited ability to influence, made me realise how important it is to face up to the reality of where your scope lies. It also made me realise how much you may need to review where those zones lie in rapidly changing situations. Relationships and scopes of influence are never static and so always require periodic review, but this is even more important in changing or high stakes situations.

On a one to one level, I often experience this, not about organisational but about individual situations. A common one is the ‘I want to do a PhD’ approach. This happens multiple times each year. Sometimes, people just want more information about the pathway or what the options are. I’ve written a blog about this as I get asked the question a lot. Other times, it’s framed more like ‘what can you do to get me a PhD?’. In these circumstances, I give the information, but I often get stared at towards the end as if I’m not delivering. I then have to enter the discussion that acquiring a PhD is a self driven process and needs the individual to drive it. The same is true with a lot of postgraduate training pathways or career opportunities.  I can help and support, but I can’t do it for them. I can’t ‘fix’ the holes on CVs that need filling. Only they can do that. I can open doors, but they are the ones that need to choose to walk through them.

You can’t always ‘fix’ injustice

Sometimes, when I’m approached, it is about a situation, but just on the surface. When you dig deeper, it’s not about someone not stepping up and doing the work. It’s about a whole bunch of barriers they didn’t know about or haven’t been able to fix. Individuals either then reach out or I become aware, and of course, what I want to do is ride into those barriers, sledge hammer swinging, and break them down to bring equity and justice to the situation. This is definitely one where I thought, and do, have more influence over as I get more senior. The sad news is that although I can do more, I’m discovering I still can’t ‘fix’ everything.

I have a great number of examples on this one, anything from male colleagues not having to apply for or be interviewed for roles when female colleagues are made to jump through hoops, to scientists getting paid a third less to do the same jobs as medical colleagues. I wish I didn’t have so many, but if I started listing, I would be here all day.

So if I can’t fix it, what are my other routes of action. Well, firstly, writing things like this blog enables me to shine a light and at least raise awareness of the injustices I can’t ‘fix’. Then there are a whole bunch of active positions I can take with my leadership, even if the issue is too big for me to ‘fix’ alone. Actions such as advocacy and saying people names in rooms where they are absent in order to increase access. Being brave enough to call things out as they happen, challenging that misogynistic, racist or homophobic comment in the moment, and taking a stand. Being accountable and actively demonstrating my values, and by doing so, hopefully offering a safe space to those who might need it. Being there to support, whilst acknowledging that no sledgehammer wielded by a single person is going to be enough, so you have to lift up others so you can hammer those walls together.

You can’t always ‘fix’ cultures

Organisational cultures bring with them different values and different aims. They are complex and act almost like living beings, in that they develop and change over time. If ‘fixing’ individuals is difficult, then ‘fixing’ cultures can come with mind-boggling complexity.

One of the things I’ve found challenging is when I’ve been part of a group or organisation which started off with values that were completely aligned with my personal value set, which is the reason I joined, and then morphed into something where those two things were far from the same. It is also complicated even further when the espoused values do match, but the values demonstrated by the group decision making tell a different story.

There are a few different choices I’ve made at various points in my life and career, depending on how much continued participation mattered to me. The big one is always do you stay or do you go. Do you stay and try to influence internally, or do you call it quits and move on to something that is better aligned. The right decision, for me, is based on a) how committed you are to the purpose of said group and b) how much influence do you have to affect the change you want to make?

Large-scale organisations are even more complex as they not only have an overall culture,  but they will also consist of a number of smaller subcultures, which may be easier to change or influence. I count myself fortunate to be part of a team that I feel is super aligned with my values and beliefs. It hasn’t always been that way however. I’ve been part of other teams that haven’t been the same. On one occasion, many moons ago, my then team mates and I even had to escalate that we would leave if a change in leadership did not occur as the disconnect was so pronounced.  This was one of the most powerful examples of collective action I’ve been involved with, and it succeeded because our point of escalation was also aligned to our values and purpose. Knowing your scope of influence and the landscape you are navigating can therefore be incredibly powerful,  but understanding that scope is key to success.

You can’t always ‘fix’ the way others see the world

Firstly, and I cannot say this strongly enough, just because someone holds a different opinion, view, or vision of the world to you does not automatically make them wrong. There is room for diversity of thought in this world, and the very presence of that diversity makes us stronger as a whole. This is especially true when that diversity of thought is not causing anyone harm and drives us to better evolve our thinking in response.

The ‘not causing harm’ component of this one is key for me. If that world view is harming others by restricting access to care or opportunities, for example, I will always endeavour to challenge, as already discussed. What I’m having to learn, though, is that that challenge does not necessarily lead to changes in behaviour, no matter how many facts you put behind the discussion. Human beings are complex, and they have both intrinsic and extrinsic beliefs. Sometimes, it’s not even those that are proclaiming their beliefs that are the ones who are most firmly set in their world view and then it can be difficult to even identify where to start your discussions.

I think accepting our scope of influence in these cases is crucial to understand in order to not get disheartened.  In a world of spiralling conspiracy theories and loss of faith in science, it is important to know that it is not just a case of sitting someone down with a bunch of evidence and having a single good discussion. Changing someone’s beliefs or understanding of the world requires you to understand where the origin of those beliefs lies, and it may be no where near as obvious as we’d like to think. Additionally, long-term change is usually not seated in facts but in emotion, and that’s a whole different ball game that we may not be equipped to play.

Interestingly, for me, this ‘not causing harm’ component also extends to harm to self and links nicely back to not being able to change individuals. I’ve had people I’ve thought of as friends, who were so locked into self-destructive patterns of behaviour, based on their view that the grass was always greener elsewhere, that they couldn’t stay in any one situation long enough to start to ‘fix’ those patterns. I discovered the hard way that no matter the presented evidence you couldn’t get them to see the world in a different way. Sometimes, an external lens is just what someone needs to see themselves enough to spark change. Sometimes, that view is just so alien that discover you are not even speaking the same language.

You can’t always ‘fix’ yourself

Talking about changing people, we are not ourselves above having the same light cast upon us, and in theory, this is the one area where our scope should include control and not just variable levels of influence. The problem with discussion about ‘fixing’ ourselves is the mistaken assumption that some form of perfection can or will be able to exist. I have to tell you, as a recovering perfectionist, there is no such thing, and this is one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves. Worse than that, by aiming for such a lie, we set ourselves up to fail, over and over again.

None of us are, or can be perfect, we are constant works in progress. Perfection indicates some form of static existence,  whereas that cannot be the reality. Life is change, and we need to change and adapt with it. We learn and grow, and with that comes failure and the ability to do better next time. So my view on this has become: accept your flaws, and own your areas for improvement. After all, we are humans, not machines. The most powerful thought that I’m striving to embed is that I need to acknowledge there is sometimes beauty in both the flawed and the broken. If it is necessary for me to ‘fix’ parts of myself, as part of striving for improvement and healing, it is because I am better for it rather than because of punishing myself with the myth of perfection.

The one thing I hope we all take away from this blog is to not confuse the reality that change is outside of our area of influence with powerlessness. We always have the power to change. To change ourselves, to change our scope of influence, and eventually, if it matters enough, to work towards collective bigger change. Until then, treat yourself with the compassion that you would offer others and learn to not set yourself up for failure and distress by understanding where your current boundaries and influence lie. Stop trying to ‘fix’ what cannot be fixed, and try learning to love the flawed and different when it is right to do so.

All opinions in this blog are my own

One Step. One Day. One Moment at a Time: My top ten tips for carrying on when life feels a bit too much

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This blog post is late, which seems to be a bit of a theme recently. The truth is there’s a lot going on, from a colleague passing away and auto immune flares, to mummy Girlymicro being about to re-locate. All of which have meant that I’ve been struggling to get out of bed and do the day job, let alone find the time and head space needed to get words down on this blog.

2024 was always going to be hard going. There is a lot of change. There is a whole heap of challenge. There is not enough time, people, or resource to make any of those things easier. The reality is that there is little I can do about any of these things. There is only one way, and that way is forward, but knowing that and getting there are not always the same thing. So today’s post is about how to just keep going when all you really want to do it stop.

Decide what is important

I had to cancel meetings last week as, to be honest, I was so unwell I could barely manage emails, let alone speak. It amazed me when push came to shove how many meetings I could cancel and it not have any catastrophic effect. Many of them could easily be moved by a week, and some others could just be straight out cancelled. The world did not end. It struck me then that I need to be so much better at curating my diary so that I don’t spend 8 hours a day in meetings, meaning that all my other work has to be done on evenings and weekends.

The other thing I’ve had to think quite hard about in recent months is what things am I doing because they are important to me and which things I’m doing because I’ve a) always done them, or b) they are important to other people and I’ve just passively agreed. You’d be amazed at how much a and b there is. My career has progressed at a fair amount of pace, and I have failed to do any of the spring cleaning that should probably come with that. The things I need and want to do now that I’m a professor are understandably different to what was required as an early career scientist, and yet I have carried on bringing all of that workload with me into my current post. It’s frankly unsustainable and so a re-evaluation of task list was much needed.

Become a quitter

All of which brings me to spring cleaning. I hate to break it to you, but if you are like me, you need to learn to quit. You need to quit regularly and firmly. What I mean by that is, in order to keep your sanity, you need to review the things you do and decide what purpose they still serve. I’ve failed to do this. I’ve failed to do this over a period of years. I suspect partly due to a failure to recognise that I have changed and my needs are different. Partly just because I failed to recognise that my needs were even part of the equation.  I feel very strongly about giving back to my profession and the community, and so, in general, I haven’t really included myself in any evaluation.  This is how I’ve ended up working every weekend and 14-hour days, and sadly, my body just can’t sustain it. My mind is writing checks my body cannot cash. I’ve had to quit things that I never thought I would quit, committees I’ve sat over for over a decade, just to keep my head above water. The thing is, quitting will open up that opportunity to someone else. Someone who will benefit more than I was and open me up to new opportunities when life calms down. I’m convincing myself that it is a win-win.

Confront your FOMO

I’m a fear of missing out (FOMO) addict. I’m terrified when I say no to anything that it might be the wrong decision. That it might impact my career, or my future. Partly, this is because I spent the first 13 years of my career on temporary contracts, and that lack of security means you are always needing to have multiple plans in order to stay employed and pay the bills. Partly, this is because I’m too greedy to choose a single interest and stick to it.  I want to maintain interests in my clinical work, research, and education. You can’t do everything in all areas, however. I couldn’t do that when things were going well, let alone now. Now, I’m having to ask myself ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’.  If I don’t go to that event, if I don’t manage that networking, if I don’t manage to post that blog, what’s the worst that can happen? Most of the time, the answer is nothing permanent or, more frequently, nothing at all. I may miss out on the odd opportunity,  but at the moment, I’m having  to turn down a lot of those anyway. So hard conversations are being had with my brain where I have to challenge both my FOMO and associated anxiety.

Try to live in the moment

One of the reasons that I think I experience FOMO so badly is because I’m always looking to the future. I always have a plan. It’s how I’ve managed to survive the uncertainty of the Healthcare Science progression pathway. It’s how I’ve managed to end up in my dream job, that didn’t really previously exist. The problem with this is that when you remove things and impact the ability to plan then my stress levels go through the roof. Uncertainty and a lack of control, or ability to impact can make everything feel overwhelming, leading to me spiralling. It also means that I struggle to feel peace or achievement in the moment. Right now though, I need to deliberately move from staring at the horizon to spending more time looking at my feet. Getting through each day, each moment, for what it is, be that good or bad. Knowing that the next moment will be different and I will deal with it as it arrives. Accepting that the future is uncertain and concentrating on the concrete of the now.

Accept failure

A wise Consultant once told me that the best advice he was given when he got his first post was to become comfortable with failure.  I cannot express how true I find this statement. Right now, keeping on top of everything is quite literally impossible. There are not enough hours in the day, even if I was in a position to just push through and work 20 hours a day. Failure is, in fact, my only option. This is an important realisation as it empowers you to make decisions about where those failures are going to occur, rather than letting them happen naturally by living in denial. After all, not all failures are equal. Needing to write and request a review extension on a paper is not the same as missing a clinical action. Failing to get a blog out on a Friday, and instead getting it out on a Wednesday, is not the same as missing a board report deadline. It feels horrible. I reproach myself for not being able to be more efficient and do more, but I accept it because in acceptance I regain a modicum of control and ability to manage risk.

Try being kinder to yourself

The acceptance of failure and the internal disdain for the fact that this is where I’ve landed brings me to the fact that the self judgement is not a helpful additional load to bear. I hold myself to pretty high standards and the fact that I’m not meeting those is pretty difficult to process.  I keep coming back to what I would expect of a member of my team or a friend if they were going through the same set of circumstances. I would never tell them to ‘buck up and get on with it’ which is the self-talk I use. I would tell them that’s it’s OK, that they will be OK. I would tell them to give themselves a break and to deal with the things directly in front of them and ask if there was anything I could do. I would have a judgement free conversation focusing on ways forward. Those are the conversations I’m trying to learn to have with myself. Followed by some honesty about what is actually achievable and what it is that I actually need in order to keep going.

Learn to ask for help

One of the things I would immediately ask someone else if my conversations were external, rather than internal, would be ‘what can I do to help?’. Well, I’m learning to ask for help. I’m learning to use the amazing support I have around me to get meetings sorted and to remind me of what I have going on. I’m trying to ask people to cover some of those meetings that don’t specifically need me. I’m asking for some task related help or taking it up when offered. I am not a one woman army, and I need to stop acting like I am. There is no shame in asking others for support.

Forgive yourself for bad days

When I’m in a bad space, I become more demonstrably emotional, my fuse is shorter, my bandwidth is smaller, and my memory becomes pretty poor. All of these can combine to impact my performance and handling of individual scenarios. All in all, I probably become just less efficient at a time when I need to do more and be more efficient than I normally am. The combo is not great. It means the frequency with which I walk away from a day feeling like I’ve messed up increases, just what you need when struggling. Some days are just bad, whether it’s all self perception or not. This is a key point though. A lot of this is my perception and me measuring myself against my mental benchmarks. I don’t even know how much others see it. So, I’m giving myself some self-talk about putting the bad days behind me. Trying to use the ‘living in the moment’ approach and reminding myself that each new day is just that, new. It’s a fresh chance to try and do it better than the day before, and if some days work out better than others, that’s OK. I am doing what I can, and that needs to be enough.

Acknowledge there may be no alternative

The reason I have to be more forgiving of myself is that there is no alternative or better way forward right now. It takes years to train staff. You can’t just pluck them off a shelf. The built environment and its challenges take months or years to fix. A period of tight deadlines is just that, a period of time, which needs to be got through. My grief at losing a valued colleague will stabilise. All things will pass. Until they do this, this is the reality, and everything needs to continue moving forward. Acceptance of this reality is the first step in finding a way to just get through it. We all have periods in our lives and careers where there is no ‘fixing it’. It’s just about getting through it. That’s the real world, and it’s OK.

Plan for a better future

I’ve talked about being a planner, and that one of the things I’ve needed to realise is that broadly planning doesn’t help me right now. The one area in which it still does however, is planning for when life returns to normal. Planning for what I will be able to use my annual leave for. Planning for what fun things Mr Girlymicro and I will do with mummy Girlymicro whilst she’s living with us. Planning for nice things when I have the mental space to enjoy them. Non work things that have nothing to do with pressure or deadlines. Engaging in frivolous daydreaming. When the moment becomes too much, I give my brain permission to dream of a better future. My nickname is Dream after all.

I’m painfully aware that this post is all about me rather than tips and tricks, which was the original intention. I guess it was the post I needed to write right now. I hope that despite the rather ‘me’ focus, it is still useful.  I also hope that if there is anyone out there who is having a hard time right now, you will read this and feel less alone. I hope you will read this and know that’s it’s OK to have hard days. I hope that you will read this and know that good times are coming and that we just need to hang on in there. Finally, I hope that we remember, when those good times arrive, to shed our fears, stress and worries, and fully deep dive in and embrace them for all the joy they will bring. Until then, be kind to yourself and dream!

All opinions in this blog are my own

I’ve Posted About Tea Before but Have We Spoken About Cake? Why something as simple as a piece of cake can make a big difference

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Last week I was running a course alongside some amazing Healthcare Science, IPC, microbiology and estates colleagues. It always amazes me how we start the week as a room full of strangers and by the last day you watch as they have formed bonds and built relationship, and leave having swapped contact details.  When I first started running the course it was suggested that paying for food and refreshments was a waste of resources but I stood firm, as I genuinely believe that there by providing food makes a difference, both in how people learn, but also in facilitating networking and having more time in the room. In light of these continued reflections, it felt like today was the right time to talk to you about cake!

Sometimes we all need a little self care

It’s no secret to those of you who read this blog that I love a cup of tea, I’ve posted about it enough. Sometimes tea alone may not be enough, shocker. Sometimes, we need to do a little something more that is a demonstration that we are being kind and treating ourselves. I’m not advocating daily cake or using cake as a crutch for dealing with lives daily issues. I’m advocating for balance and the occasional indulgence that shows we are putting ourselves as a priority every now and again. It’s horses for courses. Some people would go for a ramble, Sunday lunch, and a pint. I’m a cake, bath, and book kinda girl. Life is hard and sometimes taking a little of what you want is not a bad thing.

If you feed them they will come

The second place I’ve found feeding people really helpful is when I’m expecting people to give of themselves or their time, and acknowledging this by giving something back. If I’m running events, especially public engagement events, and people have turned up to contribute or participate then offering food is one small way of thanking people for that contribution. This is especially true if you are running sessions during times when people would normally be eating, such as lunch or early evening events, as you will also get less fruitful discussions if people are hungry or distracted about if they will have time for food.

Sometimes, we all need a little pick me up

I’ve already said that life can be hard and, for me, cake can also be used to enable me to provide comfort. There’s plenty of data about the link between sugar and serotonin, and the ability of a little something sweet to provide comfort is a chemical fact. This one isn’t about sugar addiction and eating our feelings. It’s about a practical step that can enable an interaction that may help someone.

It can sometimes be challenging to talk about difficult topics whilst staring someone in the face. Bringing something else into the mix that allows someone to talk whilst eating, staring at, or playing with the food on their plate, can be a surprisingly powerful tool to enable an individual to get past that particular barrier to expressing how they feel.

Can make someone feel seen

Cake isn’t just about comfort however, sometimes it’s about celebration or just acknowledgement of a change or achievement.  There’s a reason we have cakes at our big life moments after all. Taking the time to arrange/make/buy a cake demonstrates that you are invested in the other person. It demonstrates that you care or are acknowledging something that can be a big deal to the other person. It’s a way of not letting moments past by unmarked. Making people feel seen is one of the best gifts we can give, and providing cake is just one way of doing it.

Breaks down barriers

We all sometimes put our defences up when we are facing the unknown or feel at risk. This can happen in all kinds of situations, from attending an education event where you worry about sticking out to meeting a lot of new people at a friend’s social gathering. Much like the weather, food, and the quality or lack of, can be used to provide an ice breaker that can make many social situations that little bit easier. The whole ‘oh you went for the lemon drizzle’ comment can open that first difficult conversational door.

Is an act of show don’t tell

Too often, it’s easy to make conversational pleasantries, especially in leadership.  We all know of scenarios where the words that come out of the mouths of those in charge are not matched by their actions. I think it is therefore important to consciously undertake acts of ‘show don’t tell’ where possible. In these cases, simple gestures, such as a card and cakes for Biomedical Science day, demonstrate that you not only recognise that such a day exists and is important to people, but that you care enough about those people to engage with it, even if you are not a Biomedical Scientist. There are plenty of examples of this, but I think as leaders we should think more about whether words alone are enough.

Takes the financial burden off another

I spent a few months in the states on sabbatical before the pandemic and one of the things that struck me was that whenever I went to an academic meeting at breakfast, lunch or after work, there would always be food provided. It was both nice and plentiful, and at one point I was chatting with some of the students who attended about whether this was standard. They said in most good departments it was because university fees and living costs are so high that many post graduate students can’t afford to buy food despite working extra jobs. Obviously that is an awful state of ‘normal’ but it also struck me that I don’t know that my students would be so open about not being able to afford things. Since then, whenever I take any one of my team, students, or staff out, I will insist on paying just in case and as a demonstration of the fact that I care about them. As I said, life is hard, so let’s try and make it easy.

Supports levelling of hierarchy

A lot of reasons I’ve talked about so far are linked to leadership, but there are other reasons where deliberately using the offering of food to remove hierarchy is important. Conversations and openness can be inhibited by artefacts such as hierarchy. There are reasons why, in high stakes moments, hierarchy in healthcare may be beneficial, but most of the time it can run the risk of inhibiting openness and collaboration. Food can really support breaking down some of these inhibitors. Some of that is because we will often move to a more neutral, less loaded, location in order to have our tea and cake. It’s often not going to happen in a consultants office. The other reason is that food is pretty embedded as a way of demonstrating friendship in most human cultures, and therefore it works on a subliminal part of our minds to support engagement.

Buys time away to focus on each other

Another benefit of the fact that we may need to step into another environment to enjoy our tea and cake, is that you are also removing yourselves from distractions. I don’t know about you, but I feel like I have emails that drop into my inbox and pop up every few minutes. If it’s not emails, it’s calls, or someone knocking at the door. Stepping away from those distractions so you each have the mental space and capacity to undertake some active listening and really be in the moment with each other is pretty priceless, way more than the cost of some tea and cake.

Gives the gift of time

One the things I have least of in my life is time. I have very little capacity to do anything other than survive and work. Therefore, if I take the time to make Christmas puddings for my friends, or bake a cake for colleagues, I think it goes some way to showing what those people mean to me. It means that I prioritised that act over something that I could have chosen for myself, such as bath and book time. I also hope that it holds greater meaning for them because they know how hard it is for me to carve out those moments in my life. I could buy a cake, and I often do, but when I can I will also try to give the gift of time by making one myself.

Enables you to show you care about the person not just the task

I often take my team out for tea, and sometimes lunch, but those sessions are usually working sessions. Sessions where we may be eating but we are also planning a project, talking through results/feedback, or developing a strategy. It’s so important sometimes to do the same thing but without work being on the table. I can be a pretty task focussed individual. It’s one of the reasons I probably ended up as a scientist. For getting stuff done, all that is pretty great, but to really do it well requires us to value the person and not just the task. Every now and again it’s important therefore to step away from the normal and catch up without a job or agenda, and to just be in the company of people you work with. It helps you get to know them better as people. To understand the challenges that they have going on, and not just in their work life. To value them as people, not just as cogs in the machine. It’s easily forgotten but crucial to do.

Can be a great educational tool

The slide below is one that I use to talk about molecular typing through the medium of cake. I find it works because most people know about cake, whereas many people don’t know about molecular typing. I talk about phenotypic, or growth based identification, being like a Victoria Sponge. You can see everything, you don’t need to cut it open to work out what it is. It’s a classic and will please most people most of the time. I then talk about fragment based typing, things like PFGE, VNTR, typing that looks at sections of the genome in order to decide on whether two things are linked or not. For the most part, this is like a meringue dessert. You can tell it from the outside that it’s meringue, but won’t be until you cut into it and get more information whether it is lime or lemon. Finally, you have whole genome sequencing, which is more like a pie. You can look at something and know that is a pie, but when you open it up you can get all kinds of information. You’ll be able to tell whether its fruit or savoury, what kind of fruit, and you’ll even be able to have a guess at what spices were used. It all depends on what level of information you need before choosing your cake.

Sometimes, it’s just nice to eat cake

Finally, and not to be under estimated. Sometimes it’s just nice to have cake. Be it because the world is glorious, or the world is gloomy. Be it on your own in glorious solitude, or to spend time with someone you care about. Be it on your sofa, tucked up in bed, or at the Savoy. One of the best things about the joy of cake is the flexibility to enjoy it (or not) however you wish!

All opinions in this blog are my own

PhD Top Tips: What do you need to think about when applying for a PhD?

girlymicro Academic Life, General, Microbiology (Research), Research/Academia , , , , ,

Spring has sprung and that means academic application time has also begun. I’ve already had a number of queries about what it is that I look for when I receive PhD applications. Selfishly, I therefore thought I might write this post so that I can refer people here to read it. Don’t worry if you’re not applying for a PhD though. I’ve just interviewed for a senior role and had to go through a LOT of applications when shortlisting. It’s probably obvious, but worth stating, that a lot of these tips are also relevant to when you are pulling together any personal statement or piece where you need to sell yourself. So, good luck, and I hope these help.

Understand what’s being asked of you

The first thing is to really understand what is being asked of you. A PhD application, although in many ways a job application, is also much more than that. It’s less about where you are at right now and more about where you could be at the end. There’s a lot more in the assessment about being able to demonstrate the way you think, your aspirations, and your passion, therefore, than the box ticking against a job spec that is often required for other posts. Your cover letter is therefore critical in order to help you stand out from the crowd and a generic letter that you’ve sent to 20+ options just won’t cut it, if like me you’re are getting tens to hundreds of applications to shortlist. Your generic version just won’t pass the skim test. Below are the kinds of things I want to see if I’m glancing over your application in order to put it in the consider pile.

Be specific, details matter

Having looked at a LOT of applications over the years for PhDs and other roles, my first big tip is that details matter. Making statements like ‘I have good communication skills’ won’t tick any of my boxes.  I need to have it followed up by a concrete example such as ‘this was shown by me winning X poster prize at X conference’ or ‘me being asked to lead our group presentation on X, where received a distinction’. Your examples don’t have to be revolutionary, but you do need to back up your statement with something concrete. You are applying for a science post after all, so evidence matters.

Show what got you here

It’s easy to think you have to be exceptional to succeed, but the truth is most of us aren’t exceptional. We just have a passion, interest, or tenacity that gets us somewhere. My father recently referred to me as ‘an academic late bloomer’, and I’ve written before that we are all more than the sum of our grades. Because of this, when I’m looking at applications, I’m most interested in the person behind the grades and the details. Some people will be exceptional undergraduates but will hit a ceiling when it comes to postgraduate study. Some of us dealt less well with the thought constrictions at that level and only really grew into our potential when the safety wheels were removed. I’m looking for your application to show me what makes you tick, how you think and approach challenges, and how you ended up sitting in front of a computer writing this application.

Be clear about where you want to go

I’ve talked in previous posts about the need for you to show me your why when discussing undertaking a PhD. There are lots of reasons why you might decide that a PhD is the right next move for you, and it doesn’t just have to be that you want a future career in academia. In some ways, the reason doesn’t matter as long as it’s thought out. What does matter is that you’ve taken the time to do that thinking and have the skills to be able to communicate it. PhDs are not a walk in the park. There will be hard days and challenging periods where you question whether this was the right move. Your motivation, whatever it is, has to be strong enough to get you through those dark days. It’s also important, that if you get the role, I understand how to support you in your future goals, and I can’t do that if you don’t know what they are.

Why this PhD

There are PhDs advertised all the time. One of the top things I want to have jump out of your letter is why you think this particular PhD is the one you want to do. What is it about the topic that interests you? How does this fit in as a logical next step from what you’ve been doing so far? Where is your passion or interest in this particular topic? PhDs with me will always have a clinical aspect, so what is it about this rather than primary science PhD that speaks to you. I want to know that you have considered, in my case, what it will be like to do research in healthcare and the benefits and challenges of the setting. I also want to know how it fits in with your goals as described above. This needs to be done in enough detail that I know you have thought about it and that it’s specific to the PhD I have advertised. Anything generic is a real turn-off at this point.

Why this supervisor

Supervisors make or break your PhD. It’s the honest truth. Demonstrating you have awareness of how important this relationship is to your PhD goes a long way to show that you understand the challenge you are choosing to take on. I would always recommend reaching out to the primary supervisor ahead of applying therefore. You can then make an informed choice about whether this person will be the right support for you. Every supervisor has different styles and you as a learner have different needs. Understanding whether those 2 things will mesh is so important.  You can then address why the supervisory team on offer is the right choice for you in your application.

Why this university

The other thing that is worth including is why the university you’re applying for is the right choice for you. Each university has a slightly different ethos or feel, and so why does the one you are applying to match your requirements? Is is because it has an associated medical school or strong pre-existing links to local hospitals? Is it because you really like the structure of the PhD programme? Is that they have a doctoral school or other funding that links into a research council you are particularly interested in working with? It’s always worth looking up what the PhD structure is actually like, some will require you to submit regular essays, others will just have an ongoing log, each is likely to have different upgrade windows and structures. State why this university works for you and your learning style. This not only makes it clear that you’ve done additional reading to understand the programme, but that you’ve also done the reflective thinking to see how you would fit into what is being offered.

What skills do you have

Let me be clear, no one expects you to have all the skills to do a PhD when you apply, otherwise you wouldn’t be doing a PhD you’d be doing a post doc. That said, on the advert there will be some skill requirements that you will be expected to meet or be on the pathway to meeting. It’s key that you cover these off in your application, either in the covering letter or CV. One of the key errors I find people make when putting together their applications is that they think all of the skills and experience listed have to come from their scientific or academic backgrounds. This really isn’t true, especially for an early career post. Leadership skills can be demonstrated from volunteer or other work experience, such as helping out at Scouts, Guides or Duke of Edinburgh. Conflict resolution skills can include things like bar work on a Saturday night. Time management could include how you helped your parents manage your 6 younger siblings when it came to after school activities. As part of you bringing your entire self to the post you should feel free to include all of the skills developed as part of the route that brought you to making the application.

What experience do you have

It can be challenging to split out skills from experience, but if you have any, experiences can go a big way to demonstrating your commitment to the career you are hoping to embark upon. Have you attended seminars or other voluntary activities as part of your time at university? Have you arranged to shadow or undertake placements within a laboratory to gain extra experience? Did you engage in weekend or other field trips? These help demonstrate interest, but they can also help to round out some of the short listers’ understanding of what you may be bringing in terms of scientific experience, and how that might benefit the initial phases of your PhD. I also always appreciate the way that applicants introduce items like these into the application, as it also helps me start to get a feel for how they think and approach challenges, which is one of the things I’m looking for to help an application stand out from the rest.

Ensure you use the literature

Another way you can show what you thought process is and how you might develop as a scientist is by making sure you use the scientific literature in developing your application. I want applicants to reference a couple of key pieces of literature when they talk about why this PhD interests them. It also makes the application stand out if you reference published literature from the group or supervisors when you talk about why you are interested in working with them. Finally, if the PhD is funded by a particular funder, or through a particularly funded centre then I would also expect the application to reference what the funders remit is and what they aim to achieve. Demonstrating that you’ve taken the time to understand the context in which your research will be undertaken shows, to me, that you have the beginnings of the strategic awareness you will need to develop future funding applications during an academic career.

Demonstrate your added extra

I hate it sounding like I’m saying that everyone has to go above and beyond, because that’s not really what I’m saying. What I think you need to do is embed something that makes your application stand out. That can be by including a lot of reading and referencing in your application, if that’s the kind of thing you enjoy. It can also be about sharing a story about why you have always wanted to work in this kind of research. One application I recently reviewed, focussed on the applicant talking about how much they wanted to engage with dementia research as their grandmother had been in a care home linked to dementia, and they they had spent a lot of time therefore getting to know individuals with dementia and had personally witnessed the impacts on their families. They then followed it up with information linked to dementia UK, showing they had both the drive and ability to find information. There are many different ways to make an impression. Your application is a blank slate but making sure that it has enough detail to show that you have thought through what might help you stand out is key. How you do that is completely up to you. Think of it as getting a head start on developing your scientific elevator pitch!

Follow the rules

Having said that PhDs are different, in terms of not being so tightly tied to a person specification, there were still be boxes you need to tick that are listed on the advert details. Please please therefore make sure that you do maintain enough focus to be certain to cover off the stated requirements. You want to weave in the other aspects that will make you stand out linked into what is being asked for. One thing it is always worth asking, is for someone else to read your application against the requirements, preferably a none expert, to get a neutral assessment of whether you have clearly covered off everything that is needed.

I do have one personal plea linked to this though. Please do not send a 90 page attachment with all of the certificates you have ever achieved and every paper you have ever written in full. It is possible to go too far the other way and send too much. I will tell you honestly, if your combined letter and CV for a starting level post is more than 5 pages I will start to become less and less engaged with the application. If you send me more than 10 pages, I will not consider it for shortlisting. A key skill as a scientist is being able to engage with a question, shift information to identify what is relevant, and build an evidence based response. If you send more than 10 pages it signals, to me, that you are unable to manage at least one of these steps in an efficient manner, and therefore cannot meet the person specification.

Have a little faith in yourself

My final tip is this, have some faith in who you are and your ability to succeed. If you write your application from a position of confidence rather than imposter syndrome, you will use words like ‘will’ and ‘can’, rather than using works ‘like’ and ‘attempt’. It seems a small change but there is a subconscious difference that is detected by the reader when someone writes in a definitive style that inspires confidence. It will not be the only thing that gets you across the finishing line, but it can definitely help. You have achieved so much to get you to the point where you are qualified to apply for a PhD. You deserve to give yourself the same self belief and encouragement that you would offer friends and family if they were in same situation. Remember. You are braver than you know, and so much stronger and more able than you believe, so take that leap and fly.

All opinions in this blog are my own

If you would like more tips and advice linked to your PhD journey then the first every Girlymicrobiologist book is here to help!

This book goes beyond the typical academic handbook, acknowledging the unique challenges and triumphs faced by PhD students and offering relatable, real-world advice to help you:

  • Master the art of effective research and time management to stay organized and on track.
  • Build a supportive network of peers, mentors, and supervisors to overcome challenges and foster collaboration.
  • Maintain a healthy work-life balance by prioritizing self-care and avoiding burnout.
  • Embrace the unexpected and view setbacks as opportunities for growth and innovation.
  • Navigate the complexities of academia with confidence and build a strong professional network

This book starts at the very beginning, with why you might want to do a PhD, how you might decide what route to PhD is right for you, and what a successful application might look like.

It then takes you through your PhD journey, year by year, with tips about how to approach and succeed during significant moments, such as attending your first conference, or writing your first academic paper.

Finally, you will discover what other skills you need to develop during your PhD to give you the best route to success after your viva. All of this supported by links to activities on The Girlymicrobiologist blog, to help you with practical exercises in order to apply what you have learned.

Take a look on Amazon to find out more

We Lift by Raising Others: Why we should all get our nomination heads on

girlymicro General, Healthcare Science, Leadership, Research/Academia , , , , ,

I’ve been fortunate enough to win a few awards in my time, but I count myself even more fortunate to have seen the great work and inspirational people in my science and Infection Prevention and Control (IPC) communities get recognised. Seeing the joy and the difference it has made to individuals and projects has really made me an awards convert.

I haven’t always been so supportive of them, as it some times feels like the same people, or groups, get recognised all the time. Now, having been on judging panels, I realise the reason for this is that they are the ones who are actively involved in nominating each other. So it’s less awards bias, more nomination limitations. So, for this weeks post, I wanted to try and persuade you all to remove some of that limitation by talking through both why and how you should nominate others, not only to show your appreciation but to enhance our communities.

Raises awareness

There are really three components to this one, linked to individuals, work, and the community. I think we often think of the person or project when people win awards and the benefit it provides to them. I think this misses out on what may be a cumulative, even larger, benefit. That is raising awareness of the community in which they sit. One example of this that I’ve experienced personally was last year when I was the first woman and scientist to be awarded the HIS Early Career Award. I was given a platform to be able to talk about my work at a national conference. As part of that session, I spent time talking about career paths in Healthcare Science. I got so many messages afterwards where people talked about how much that meant to them. It helped them feel seen and raised the profile of what scientists can bring to the world of microbiology and IPC. I’ve felt the same way when I’ve seen other IPC professionals win at mixed discipline awards. Any time a Healthcare Scientist or IPC professional is up for anything, no matter how well I know them, I will always be screaming at the top of my lungs if they even get nominated. Their visibility increases all of ours, and so by working together and supporting each other, we all flourish.

Acknowledges good work

Everyone works hard, I get that, so why should some people get awards for it and others not? Well, actually, in my ideal world, we would all get nominating for lots of different things and that hard work would be recognised more widely. It’s not just hard work that we are acknowledging in awards categories though. There are awards for those people who are not just great scientists but are also great leaders/educators/advocates/engagers/mentors, or even for bloggers. Sometimes, it’s an opportunity for us to express gratitude for that person who always throws themselves in to help or who we recognise is always there to support their peers. There are limited ways we can do this is a way that is visible or concrete in the NHS. Yes, we should always acknowledge and thank on a 1:1 basis, but sometimes it’s nice to go above and beyond as part of recognising others, just like the people we are celebrating.

Provides encouragement

I’m writing this as someone who weekly writes blogs and throws them out into the world and hopes that they make the tiniest bit of difference to a single person, acknowledgement is the most amazing encouragement to keep doing what you are doing. When I’m so tired or stressed out that I don’t have the energy to pull this weeks blog out of my brain, seeing previous comments/DMs/emails can be the thing that helps me get it done.

It’s the same with my projects, science related or not. Every project will go through challenging times, with trouble shooting, funding, or one of another 100 issues. If that project has been recognised, especially if recognised for the science or making a difference to patients, then that can be the pick me up required in order to persevere and take it to the next level, where that impact could be even greater. So if you see a project you admire, instead of saying, ‘I wish I’d thought of that’ say ‘I WISH I HAD THOUGHT OF THAT!!!’, and celebrate that joy by nominating it so others can have the same reaction.

Aids prospects

There is no getting away from it, money and positions can be difficult to find. Project funding especially is not as easy to come by, not matter how great the idea. Everyone says the average grant success rate is only 20% after all. Combine that with the fact that very few business cases are approved on a pure quality basis these days, and the landscape is pretty rough. Projects often need a something extra to stand out from the pack, especially when reviewers are often looking at a pile of papers and skim reading for initial comparison.  Winning a national award can make the project, or those involved with it, stand out from the others. So nomination doesn’t just recognise current work, but can really help to ensure projects can get taken to the next level.

Supports individuals so they are seen

The principle of standing out works not just for projects but for people too. There’s a lot about who you know and your connections in health. It shouldn’t be the case, but it definitely is. Networks mean you hear about opportunities, can reach out for coaching and mentorship, or have your name recognised when it’s mentioned by others in the room. All of these things are really helpful when developing careers. One of the things that winning any award gives people is visibility.  Those who win are often asked back to be judges, which enables you to spend one on one time with others. It may also mean your Trust decides to celebrate the win. At a minimum, it can be a talking point on your CV and helps open doors you didn’t even know existed. These are things that should be open to everyone, but unless we get our nomination heads on, it will continue to be the realm of the few.

Enables continuation

This may sound a little odd, but without nominees awards just doesn’t exist. I’ve held roles in numerous societies and sometimes it has been so hard to get any nominations submitted for some awards. Everyone thinks they are not good enough or that it will be too competitive, and frankly talk themselves out of nominating. What doesn’t seem to be so well understood is that awards have to be seen to add value by Trustees and other members of governance committees, and if no one is being nominated they will invest that resource elsewhere. This is even more true for awards, such as the AHAwards, which are not linked to charitable societies. There aren’t that many awards that recognise the small worlds I inhabit as a Healthcare Scientist in IPC. If I don’t nominate, there will be even fewer opportunities to raise the profile of both of these professions.  I suspect the same will be true for many of the people reading this blog and your specialisms. If we don’t nominate, these opportunities will decrease, so if we want to continue to have the option, we have to seize the day no matter how competitive we believe it might be.

Practice makes perfect

I always worry when I nominate someone that I won’t do them justice and that my lack of skill at writing the piece will be the reason they don’t get recognised.  I’ve written some top tips at the bottom of this blog, which I hope will help, but the bottom line is that practice makes perfect. Like everything in this life, you get better by doing, and the best way to learn is to start. From a purely selfish point of view, getting good at writing nominations will also have other benefits for your general working life. It will mean that you get better at the art of pitching, which helps with business cases and influencing skills in general. So really it’s a win win that we should all embrace.

Don’t be scared to self nominate

There are some awards that you have to self nominate for, and others that actively encourage it. There are also some that don’t permit self nomination. It is, in many ways, perfectly acceptable to nominate yourself. That said, I tend to find it a pretty uncomfortable process as it’s hard to shout about yourself the same way you’d shout about others. For this reason it certainly doesn’t give me the same pleasure as when I’m doing it for someone else. In contrast I’m happy to provide extra info about myself, if asked, as this is almost always necessary for someone else to be able to write in sufficient detail to do the nomination justice.

One of the main reasons why being able to self nominate is important is that we are not always networked enough, or in the lucky position where people think of us to nominate, or to even have people around us who know about the wide variety of awards out there to consider. It is sometimes the most sensible option, and I don’t think there is any shame in that. I would however always suggest a rule, and that is you always nominate others more than you nominate yourself. See it as a deliberate act of giving back to your community and building those networks that were lacking and meant you needed to self nominate in the first place.

If you get nominated, pay it forward

One of the more unanticipated consequences of being nominated for an award is that you are often then able to glimpse behind the curtain, as it were, to gain a greater insight into how that award works. If you have to attend an award interview, you gain insight into what kinds of questions they ask, which can in turn help you understand what they are looking for. If you are fortunate enough to win, you may get an even greater insight by being invited to become a judge, or have the opportunities to speak to the judges afterwards about what struck them about your nomination. All of these moments can really help increase your chances of success. This is your time to seize the moment and make sure that you capitalise on those insights to support others and make your own nominations. Someone nominated you after all, time to pay it forward.

Bring a little more joy into the world

Finally, I’d just like to be clear that this is not about the winning, it’s about finding joy in process of supporting and recognising others. Just being considered by someone else as worthy of nomination should make the nominees day a little bit brighter. If they get shortlisted, that is amazing! Winning is great, but all of the other parts are probably more important, winning is just the cherry on top of a pretty amazing cake. I also have one note of caution here, if you nominate and that person does well, feel good for them, enjoy the joy you have helped bring about, but try and not make their success about you. I have been to a few ceremonies where the nominators acted like they themselves had won the award. I think being able to write a good nomination is a skill, and I don’t want to take anything away from that. The nominee however usually did a lot of work to be worthy enough of being nominated, shortlisted and then possibly winning the award. Let’s make sure that we keep the focus on the brilliant nominee and keep the moment about raising them into the spotlight and recognising all they have done.

Here are some good examples of annual awards that you might want to consider (they’ll update links annually, and not all will be open right now, but these should sign post you in the right direction):

Please link to any others you know in the comments

Top tips for completing award nominations

  • Read the guidance – it will usually tell you how they are scoring
  • Check eligibility – both for you nominating and the nominee, sometimes you need membership
  • Take the time to choose the best category – there’s little point nominating a Clinical Scientist for an award sponsored by the IBMS for instance, or a scientist for the Nursing Times awards, even if they were in theory eligible it’s probably not the best choice
  • Don’t be worried about asking the nominee for more details – you’ll probably need more detail than you have to write something that does them justice
  • Be prepared – always look up the sections needed ahead of time and the word counts required
  • Spread the love – see if you can find some nomination buddies
  • Do you research – if you can look up previous winners, the details may help you focus the details of your nomination

So please please do me a tiny favour. Pick one award, any one, and ensure that some time this year you support someone or a great project by throwing their name into the pot! It won’t take long and you won’t regret it.

All opinions in this blog are my own

Beware the Lure of the Anxiety Rabbit Hole: Having the self-awareness to recognise when your thinking lacks clarity

girlymicro General, Leadership ,

April is always an interesting time for me and my mental health and well being. I’ve written a couple of posts as to why, but the main thing to know is that due to bereavement, I am probably not the most resilient version of myself at this time of year. In addition to this, I have a tendency to be pretty self-critical, which probably doesn’t help.

I’ve written before about shame spirals and how these play out for me. Shame spirals, for me, tend to be discreet events linked to a stimuli. In contrast, anxiety rabbit holes tend to be protracted. They build over time and tend to come to a bit of climax. They are driven internally by my state of being, although external stimuli can often pile onto what is already a pretty hard time. If I get into full-on ‘rabbit hole’ mode, it’s not pretty, not for me, but also for those around me. My husband refers to  these periods as me ‘developing bunny ears’, and it’s a pretty accurate description. I’m like a rabbit in the headlights, and every action, or lack of it, makes the anxiety worse. I’ve never really talked about this outside my family, but in the hope that others find it yourself I thought I should talk about what it looks like, for me, and how I’m learning to manage it better.

Know what your rabbit hole looks like

Everyone’s anxiety response looks different, feels different, and impacts differently. Mine hits with a massive decrease in confidence accompanied by an unhealthy dose of paranoia about how I’m perceived by others. Do I work hard enough? Am I committed enough? Am I good enough?

These particular drivers mean that I start to try to manage them by working harder, agreeing to more to justify my existence and holding myself to an even higher level of account. Sounds like it’s not a problem, right?  The problem is that the more I do the less I’m managing the cause, which is usually linked to tiredness or physical symptoms in my case. Pushing harder, driving harder, makes these symptoms worse until before I know it, I haven’t had an evening or weekend off for weeks and I’m on the verge of both physical and emotional collapse, as I still feel bad at my job and I have nothing else to give and yet I can no longer ‘push through’. At this point it really is a no win situation. The very thought of not working creates panic attack levels of response, but I also can’t work any harder or anymore. Just stepping away may mean I can be found crying over a laptop. It’s not pretty.

Become familiar with your warning signs

The ideal is obviously to recognise early in the process that the descent into the rabbit hole has begun. Sometimes, this is easier than others. Sometimes, the descent is slow and steady with a fair amount of warning signs.  Sometimes, it happens so rapidly that I’m at the bottom of the pit before I’ve even recognised I was falling. Some of that variability is linked to triggers and things that put me in a more vulnerable position, either physically or mentally. I sometimes find it hard to work out why the pattern of longer days and weekends occurs, whether it is the lack of rest that drives the anxiety, or the anxiety is what comes first, either way I need to recognise it’s happening. I think the other big sign for me is that I start to lose the ability to have a good nights sleep due to waking up and being faced by waves of anxiety linked to lists of things that I haven’t done, or reflections on conversations. None of which can be dealt with at 3am, and are therefore an unproductive use of time and emotional capital. Exhaustion then becomes a state of being, and any form of clarity or rational thought process becomes increasingly difficult to achieve and performing an intervention becomes required.

Identify your triggers

I’ve said that some things can get me into the hole faster than normal, knowing what those triggers are, for me, has been key to managing my approach. Specific triggers for me can be linked to:

  • Anything bad going on with my family, as this a direct short cut back to unresolved trauma linked to my sister
  • Health spirals, sometimes the auto immune responses I experience make sleeping harder and can generally make life uncomfortable
  • Mistakes or anything that makes me come up against my perfectionist tendencies
  • Attacking critiques, we’ve all been there, sometimes criticism is constructive, sometimes less so

All of these things can make it more likely that I’m going to respond in a less robust way to the general pressures of life than I would normally hope to. I therefore find being aware of these triggers a useful way of being self-aware linked to my anxiety levels and my responses. Everyone will have their own, I suspect there are some similarities, but these are mine.

Beware of poking the bear or rabbit in this case

There are always people out there who can help or hinder. I am super aware that when I’m in an anxious place there are definitely people who can accelerate my descent. Those people who take some joy in pointing out your flaws, who talk about how they don’t have ‘these issues’, or who take advantage of your anxiety driven need to agree to stuff to give you as much work as they possibly can. There are also those who will try to help by encouraging you to talk through what’s going on, but whilst doing so just draw focus onto the thing that is the source of your anxiety, whether it’s actionable or not. I personally need to step away from these high risk encounters when it’s not going well in order to have a little self preservation.

Be aware of how your behaviour impacts others

Having said that others can make the scenario worse, it’s also important to own the way that your behaviour may also impact others. I can get pretty short with people not responding in, what I have determined to be, a timely manner – as I can feel that everything is time critical even if it’s not. I can struggle to disengage and let others own their tasks, or properly delegate, which can muddy the waters or lead others to believe that I don’t have faith in them, which is definitely not the case. I can also make things worse for my colleagues by setting an example, or standard, of being constantly available, which is neither good nor sustainable. It can then appear that I expect others to do the same, and worse than that, it can mean that when I return to a more normal rhythm or routine, they get expected by others to pick up the slack. None of these things are intentional, but they are true none the less, and so being aware of how our responses impact others is key.

Have mechanisms to help you cope

So, having talked about how I end up in the anxiety rabbit hole and the less pretty consequences of it, how do I cope and manage myself? The first thing is, I have a couple of solid go to members of friends and family, and I have a very low bar for asking for help. This may mean that I need a bench marking phone call with the amazing Captain Claire about whether my responses are appropriate. I also have a wonderful team who I will sometimes message and ask for a second opinion on how an interaction went that I am replaying. I will also go to Mr Girlymicro and confess that I need a weekend completely off with no work and ask him to support me in being able to do so. To check in with me when he sees me opening my work laptop, or opening a blog post to write, to help me in stepping away. I also have a world of bad reality TV lined up which is sufficiently distracting but doesn’t require me to actively care, that enables some of the more challenging parts of my mind to be occupied doing something else.

Try to set yourself some rules

The hard bit comes when I’m in such a bad place that I have to set rules. Rules like, I will log off at 5pm, or that I won’t work at all over the weekend, that I will book leave and step away entirely. Sounds easy right? When I’m in the depths of the hole it’s anything but. If I could just get to the end of the inbox I would feel better. If I could just complete this task the anxiety would go away. It’s false, it doesn’t actually work that way. It just leads to the next thing and then the next thing, as it’s actually making the situation worse. It’s like when I have a skin flare, the scratching helps for the period I’m scratching, but the situation once I stop is oh so much worse. The only solution is to stop scratching and let it heal. The same is true for using work to manage my anxiety, it doesn’t fix it, only dealing with the root cause does that.

Understand that it will be uncomfortable

The long and short is that the crawling out of the hole is just incredibly hard and uncomfortable. A couple of week ago, as 5pm on a Friday, I knew I was in such a bad place that I had to stop as I was exhausted and needed some proper rest to be in a better place. At the same point closing that laptop screen was an act of willpower. The anxiety spike caused by walking away, when your brain says that everyone will be let down because you are failing to be on top of things when you do, is so hard. Even when the rational part of your brain knows that a) none of the way you are seeing the world is currently real, b) that everyone else is logging off and there is actually nothing to be accomplished by persisting and c) by working every weekend you are setting yourself up to never be able to have a weekend off as everyone will assume you are always around. It is uncomfortable to step away. It feels like you are making it worse, not better, but it is the only way out of the hole and the only way is through.

Know that you will get through it

The one thing that always helps me more than anything else is that I know that I have been here before and I know that I have come out the other side. It is not fun, it is not something that I like about how my brain works, but it is the reality of living with the mind I have. I have the best family, friends and colleagues who are supportive and understand that I am not always a bunch of roses to work/live with. I think they all know however that I strive to be better. Part of that striving is reflecting and building self awareness so that you are better able to cope in your own skin. Learning to love ourselves for the reality of who we are, warts and all, is a key part of life and happiness, and the sooner we accept the need to be as kind to ourselves as we are to others, the better our lives will be. So make sure you have a sign above the entrance to your rabbit hole so you know where it is, build in a ladder to help you climb out when you fall in, and importantly, if you find yourself there, more than anything else be kind.

Image credit Kate Rennie

All opinions in this blog are my own

Reputation is Everything: Why reputation matters & how reputational attacks can create shock waves

girlymicro General, Leadership, Science Communication , , , ,

It’s not something that comes up in conversation on this blog very often, but I’m a bit of a swifty. Watching the Taylor Swift in the Reputation concert video is a happy place for me, I often watch it on my commute when I’ve had a challenging day, and the music forms a staple of my ‘get psyched’ mixes, along with a fair share of rock and big band music.

Now, for those of you who have yet to discover this particular joy, there is a speech she makes linked to why we worry about how we are perceived and the impact of having a ‘bad’ reputation that really lands with me:

“For example, having a bad reputation in our mind could get in the way of finding real friendship, real love, real acceptance, people you really fit in with because you think what if they have heard something about me that isn’t true, what if they’ve got these preconceived notions about me that they heard from gossip and then they never want to meet me and then we’ll never know what could’ve happened,” she continued. “And I think that’s why some of us…meaning if not most or all of us are sort of afraid of having a bad reputation because we’re so scared of something fake, like gossip, or a rumor about you or a name you got called getting in the way of you finding something real.  And so, when it comes down to that fear and that anxiety, it’s just all really delicate,”

Taylor Swift – Reputation Tour 2018

There are many forms of reputation:

  • Personal
  • Professional
  • Organisational

I think there are a couple of reasons why anything that impacts reputation is so powerful. The first one is that both trust and reputations take a long time to build and can be destroyed in the blink of an eye, depending on the scenario. Another is that, I believe, at the core of our being most of us want to be liked, and having someone affecting how we are perceived can directly impact on that. Finally, it is difficult to know how to respond to situations that influence our reputations.  We say ‘stick and stones may break my bones, but words shall never hurt me’, implying we should rise above it, but we also say ‘no smoke without fire’, implying there is a burden of proof upon us to correct what is being said.

I think, depending on who you are and the circumstances, the impacts on different types of reputation may not feel equal. Now, I went to a girls school, and one of the reasons I’m glad to no longer be a teen or in my twenties is because I’ve learnt and grown so that personal reputational attacks in general have a lesser impact on me. I would love for everyone to like me, but I know the reality is that this will never be the case. Although often highly impactful, personal reputation attacks can often be dealt with by removing the individual from your social circle. You often have the choice to interact or not, and the other members of your circle often know you well enough to not listen too closely.

What I have found more challenging are circumstances that impact my professional reputation. For a self declared people pleaser, like me, the thought that someone could lead you to be a scenario where you were perceived to be difficult, mean, or destructive, is particularly stressful. This is doubly so when you have a very particular set of values, about being collaborative, supporting others, opening doors, and being patient focused, and the commentary indicates you are anything but.

There’s a movie I love called Gossip, most people have never heard of it. It starts with a group of college students running an experiment where they create some untrue gossip and then track how far it spreads, how it evolves, and the impact. Needless to say,  it doesn’t end well. Now, I’m as guilty of gossip as the next person. We all want to feel in the know and to almost feel special by knowing something others do not. There’s a bunch of research about why this is. Gossip in real life, just as in fiction, isn’t harmless however.

Although gossip is bad enough, I feel there is also a significant difference between gossip and the escalation to deliberate character assassination or attempts to damage the reputation of another person. The weaponisation of reputational attacks, or even the threat of them to gain leverage, can be one of the most stressful things I’ve encountered in my professional career. Partly because they tend to come as a complete surprise to those targeted, but also because it’s difficult to know how to respond whilst in the midst of it. I’ve seen this happen to others and been a (somewhat) minor victim myself. Having hopefully come out the other side, I wanted to capture my thoughts for anyone caught in a similar situation in the future.

You may not escape the fallout

The first thing to say is that I am always a fan of taking the high ground and not engaging. Engagement can just end up adding energy to the situation rather than letting it burn out. It is important to note that taking this sensible higher ground approach may not mean you escape reputational damage, however, at least in the short term. You need to be aware of the fact that a time may come when you do have to address what is happening, and you may need to have a plan for how you will do so. Hopefully, it will never get to that point, but like with many things in life, preparation is key.

You have to remember the long game

One of the reasons to start out with a policy of none engagement is that most of the time, this will just turn out to be a blip and nothing more. Something you will look back on in a few years, possibly sigh, but see as a learning experience and nothing more. Professional careers span decades. Sometimes, it’s very easy to be caught up in the now rather than seeing it in that context. No matter how bad it feels in the moment, you need to ask yourself: how will this feel in 6 weeks, 6 months or 6 years? Very often, with the distance of time, it won’t feel anywhere near as bad, and that is the context you need to hang onto.

You have to faith in those that know you

It can be pretty shocking when you first hear reports of things being said that could impact how you are seen by others. It can be easy to feel like you should rush in and respond, but as I’ve said, for many reasons that is unlikely to be the best option. During what can be an unsettling time, it is important to remember that nothing really has changed. You have had professional relationships with many people ahead of this moment, relationships built on mutual trust and respect. These relationships haven’t changed, and you have to have faith in those people who know you and know the value you hold. Never let a single moment devalue everything you have already built.

You have to believe in the system

We work within systems, systems that provide individuals with routes for escalation and complaint. It’s incredibly important that everyone has the opportunity to feel heard. Everyone has their own perception that is unique to them, and those perceptions are real, even if they don’t match our own. This can be hard to accept when that variance in perception means that we feel attacked, or worse than that, if it feels that there are other drivers behind the responses that mean they are less genuine. The harsh truth is that it doesn’t matter. The system is set up, crucially, so that individuals can pursue making complaints, and this is an essential part of parity and fairness. If actions are taken that are erroneous, you have to believe that the requirement for evidence and facts count. That truth will out. Even if it takes a little time.

You have to try and not get sucked into the whirlpool

Whilst rumours/gossip/complaints are swirling it can be easy to get sucked into the drama and the emotions of it. It can be easy for those voices to be the voices that you carry with you and for you to only hear them in your head, not the ones of those that support you. To focus on the negative, the stress and the fear that comes from a lack of control. It’s hard, but none of this is useful to you. If you can’t find a way to put it in a box and distance yourself from it, it will be all you see and experience. This can really start to impact how your interact with the rest of your working life, or even how you feel outside of work. You need to make a deliberate effort to not engage with the whirlpool and to maintain your sense of self.

You have to control your own responses

Part of not engaging is making sure you retain what control of the situation you can. In the end, the only thing we can ever truly control is how we respond. You have no control over how others perceive you, you have no control over their actions, or what they say. You can absolutely decide how you react to that stimuli. It is all too easy to let the fear associated with being unsettled lead to responses that are seated within that fear, or to appear angry and let that drive our interactions. Those kinds of responses aren’t helpful however, in fact they just add fuel to the fire. You have to be aware, that if not careful, you can end up with a self fulfilling prophecy if you lose control, becoming what you are accused of.

You have to keep being authentic

For me, some of the worst reputational attacks, are those that attack us around those values that we use to define ourselves. Calling us self interested, when our focus is on parity and fairness, calling us unsupportive, when we believe in lifting others. These may not seem so significant in the scheme of things, but when those things you prioritise and use to define yourself, are the things that are under attack, it can feel incredibly personal. From what I’ve seen, responses to this tend to go one of two ways. First, people stop undertaking some of the associated activities, as they fear further attacks or putting their head above the parapet. Or, second, they change the way they do it, through anxiety or fear. Now, I’m not saying changing is bad, but I think it needs to be based on genuine reflection, rather than in response to negative emotions. I think stopping, in some circumstances as a temporary measure, is a wise choice, but it shouldn’t be the long term solution. It’s important to not allow circumstances to change who you are and your values.

You have to find your support systems

All of these aspects can be highly challenging, and to be honest you are not going to be able to navigate this on your own. You will need support, you will need help to undertake reflection, you will need an external view point to aid you to sense check and evaluate responses. Feeling personally attacked can really throw off your sense of inner balance, and you will need other people to help you find and retain the sense of self that you need to traverse what is happening. I think you need to find people from your professional context, as well as your personal, so that you have people who know you, all of you, as well as people who know the players and the landscape in which this is all playing out. It can be easy to want to ostrich, whereas, in reality, what you need to do is use those connections and networks you have to be able to understand what is really going on. Word of warning here, I am not suggesting you go out and start talking to everyone about what is happening, or the person who is doing the talking, that would be as bad as the initial reputational attack. I’m talking about having a few key supports where you can safely and openly talk about how you feel and what’s going on.

You have to make the sensible choices

I’ve said to not engage, but I’m not saying to be foolish and ignore what it happening. I’ve already talked about the fact that you function within a system, with processes and requirements. The first thing you should do is really learn about what those processes look like. What are the requirements upon you, what kind of evidence may be required. Have you encouraged reporting/escalation? Have you referred to occupational health? Have you offered alternative lines of reporting/management? Have you spoken to your line management or HR to confidentially gain advice? You may not need to do anything complex, it could be as simple as recording meeting content in emails, or not meeting 1:1. Seeking advice however is key, as these scenarios can also be complex, dependent on whether the person is in your organisation, a direct report, a peer, all of which impacts the information you need. You need to know enough to make sure you are making sensible choices to protect yourself and that you are acting proportionately and appropriately.

You have to check what is perception and what is reality

It can be easy, when you feel like the rug has been pulled from under you, to lose your sense of what is real. The resulting self doubt can make you question every interaction you have. Paranoia can set in and it can colour the way that you see the world. It can also colour your perceptions of your interactions with those associated with the commentary that is currently ongoing. You can’t let this happen. You need to find strategies to manage this, otherwise you will read negativity into everything. This is another reason why being sensible and not having 1:1s, or having email confirmation of any discussions, can be helpful. You can get a neutral opinion that gives context to interactions, and written communication can be helpful to ensuring shared understanding. As the emotions can spill over into other spaces, you also have to check yourself more widely. If you are like me, you can be sent into a spiral of being hyper critical about yourself, and this can colour your perceptions. Awareness is part of the challenge, and if you can become aware of how you are responding, and how that might impact on the lens through which you are seeing your interactions, you can start making proactive steps to adjust appropriately.

When it is over you have to let it go

You will get through this situation, you will come out the other side. No matter what the outcome, this isn’t forever. It can leave you with a certain amount of trauma, or a changed view of the world, or level of trust. That’s understandable, I get it, depending on what has happened the personal cost can be significant, even in just emotional impact. The thing is, despite recognising this, you have to let it go. You need to take the learning, and grow, without letting it fundamentally change who you are. You can’t become less trusting, or have less faith in people, there wasn’t enough of both of those to start off with and the world can’t afford for us to have less. You have to move on, wiser, but fundamentally unchanged. So deep breaths, take one day, one hour, or if needed one minute at a time. Keep the faith, and the world will turn out OK.

All opinions in this blog are my own

Greetings from the Laziest Girl on the Internet: Living with a mind that won’t stop in a body that doesn’t want to begin

girlymicro General, Microbiology (Clinical), Research/Academia , , , ,

I woke up at 5 this morning, the alarm wasn’t set to go off until 6:15. I am desperately tired and in need of more sleep. Instead of allowing me this simple luxury my brain decided to a) run through an experimental protocol, b) draft a paper I need to write, and c) plan a conference presentation. Sadly, my body wasn’t in alignment with this and so none of it has been written down or recorded anywhere. I am therefore exhausted still and have no concrete outputs to balance it out. I’d like to state this was a one off, but it is in fact my life and daily existence.

People often ask me how I manage to ‘do’ so much. The sad fact is that I really don’t think I manage to ‘do’ very much at all. I’m always a chapter behind on my ‘to do’ list. That combined with the fact that I only manage to get as much done as I do because Mr Girlymicro keeps our lives together by making everything happen at home, means that I thought I’d write something that talks openly about what the reality of having a mind that just doesn’t stop looks like.

I only have 2 speeds

I think those people who think I achieve a lot only see me in ‘doing’ phase. Running around spinning multiple plates at the same time and being totally ‘eyes on the prize’ focused. The other side to this is that when this Duracell bunny phase is over, I become the sloth girl who inhabits the sofa and doesn’t contribute to house work or the want to leave the house. The challenge is that work generally gets the Duracell bunny which means there is very little left over for real life. Hence Mr Girlymicro deserving the husband of the year award 15 years running, and the fact that I need to find a way to split my energy better.

My mind can’t switch off

One of the reasons for the enormous to do list, is that although my body switches off, my mind really doesn’t. I would really love it if it did. Today is Easter Monday, it’s before 9am, and I would really love to be able to sit and chill out. Instead I’m writing this blog as my mind is so full of stuff that this is my equivalent of relaxing as it enables me to focus, and thus relax a little. I don’t know if this is how everyone lives? I really don’t. I have so many thoughts, I remember so many things I should have done, things I should be doing. My mind can make my life a less than relaxing existence. Lovely Mr Girlymicro has brought me some Lego for later though so that I can use it to help, as the process of doing something whilst watching a movie or listening to an audio book, is basically my relaxed happy place. It’s important to have a strategy when my head is spinning out of control.

I find it very uncomfortable to only do 1 thing at a time

This leads me onto another thing. I need to be doing at least 2 things at once to feel comfortable. I’m writing this blog whilst watching CSI on Netflix, later I’ll be putting together Lego whilst enjoying a movie, I even need an audio book to sleep. One of the reasons I’m so happy to have my little bathroom office is that I find it really challenging to work in silence and so it means I can have music or a book running as background audio. I really find it helps me focus. The advantage to this way of living life is that does it enable me to plan talks in my head whilst doing other things, or to plan a text book or blog outline whilst writing a policy. This adds to my ‘to do’ list but also helps keep my head above water when I’ve made too many commitments.

I’m physically lazy and don’t pull my weight

For all that my mind is active I am physically lazy. I always joke that I was born to lounge on a chaise lounge with a book in my hand surrounded by my library with someone to bring me Darjeeling on request. I know that I must be challenging to live with. I get so focused on things, that without adult supervision, I have a tendency to forget to eat or drink, one reason that I am much healthier when I work from home. When I work on-site I tend to come home in a ball of flames, exhausted by my working life and physically broken, and therefore contribute negligibly to doing any form of physical chores. I’m working on it, but saying that, whilst Mr Girlymicro is working upstairs here I am writing this blog instead of tidying the kitchen. I did say he deserves awards, and I am a work in progress.

My mind doesn’t let me rest

One of the other factors that contributes to my physical laziness is that I am so tired all the time. I rarely get a decent nights sleep. If I wake up between one and three to go to the bathroom, my brain kicks in as I’ve had just enough sleep. It’s then fully engaged, whilst my body remains sleepy, with things I should be doing or random thoughts. The same is true even if I get back to sleep, I rarely if ever manage to sleep to the alarm. I do all the tips that everyone talks about, I keep a notebook by the side of my bed, I make notes into this blog so get things out of my mind, but I find switching off really hard. Some of this is because I should probably just take some painkillers/antihistamines, to manage other things, but some of it is definitely the fact that my brain just doesn’t want to play normal.

I am a starter not a finisher

Another side effect of having a mind that is constantly full of ideas, is that it can be challenging to bring any of them to completion. I am very much a starter not a finisher. Finishing anything requires a lot of active effort, otherwise I have a tendency to get distracted by the next good idea that comes along. I think it’s one of the reasons that over the years I’ve become slightly obsessed about keeping my promises and deadlines if I’m given them, even if it means I work weekends and evenings, as I’m hyper aware of my natural tendency to drift. If I make a commitment I can be pretty over the top and harsh with myself about delivering on time. As a people pleaser, this has gotten me into trouble in the past due to over committing to too many things. There have been a lot of very late nights and lost weekends. These days I’m trying to not over commit, whilst using this particular fear of failure to ensure that I still finish things on occasion.

I find focusing on being in the moment incredibly challenging

I am aware that some people are able to really ‘be’ in the moment. When they achieve something, when they have successes, they are able to really be fully present in the moment and enjoy the depth of emotions that that presence achieves. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the moment, but my brain is always onto the next thing. I’m always planning and looking forward. In many ways this is a really useful trait, but it means that I’m pretty rubbish at stopping and smelling the roses. I think this is another contributor to why I find it so hard to relax, as even when I’m having a lovely time I’m planning for the next thing. When I’m on holiday, I find it hard not to be planning for how I need to address work when I get back. When I’m at work, it’s always about how to keep us moving forward, and what needs to happen next. I need to make more run for tea 🙂

I spend my day being reactive when I would love to be visionary

My tendency to plan is one of the reasons that I find the current state of the NHS and my role within it so stressful. I want to be planning how to make us better, but because we are still recovering from the pandemic, even if the outside world has moved on, I spend a lot of my time still in reaction mode. It’s one of the reasons that research is so very important to me. In that aspect of my role, as well as in education, I feel like I can be focused on how to make things better and move things forward, whereas that can be more challenging clinically. It is why I love and value the different aspects of my role, education, research and clinical, as they balance each other off for the different needs that I have personality wise. It’s why my role is perfect for me and I’m so grateful that I have been able to develop it the way I have.

I feel I should be doing so so much more

All of this leaves me with a continuous general underlying feeling that I should be doing so much more, that there is so much more to do, and that I need to be better. There’s a lot about this which is good, especially when I was training and it could be channeled into ticking off the necessary boxes. Frankly, it was also easier to work full force and recover when I was in my 20’s and 30’s. I don’t think I had the self awareness, or self reflection skills I have now to understand my drivers in the same way back then. I also don’t think I had the self forgiveness to handle my lack of perfection and therefore be open to change. Now, although looking in the mirror and seeing my flaws can be challenging, it also inspires me to be better and I try to treat myself with the kindness I would offer to others. All traits have a light side and a dark side. My brain means that I am more physically broken and can make the lives of those around me harder by not contributing as much as I should. It also enables me to create change and make the lives of others better. It has been the enabler and the driver to allow me to reach where I am today, and to do things like start this blog. Although peculiar, it is of more benefit than it is harm, and after 44 years in each others company, we have finally reached an en tant cordial, where we still strive for improvement but also live in acceptance of the reality of what the day to day looks like. So my advice, learn to love yourself for who you, whilst striving to be better.

All opinions in this blog are my own

Me and My Bathroom: Being an adult scientist has way more to do with bathrooms than I’d expected

girlymicro General, Healthcare Science, Microbiology (Clinical) , , , , ,

Last week, I was lucky enough to be the Lord Mayor’s Colloquies (an academic conference or seminar) on water and sanitation, where the wonderful Dr Susanne Surman-Lee was speaking. It was an event sponsored by the Lord Mayor and supported by the Worshipful Company of Plumbers.

What has this got to do with bathrooms I hear you ask? Is it because it was on water and sanitation? Is it because these things impact healthcare design? Or are linked with infectious diseases? Is it because of the LAKANA Mali study? You’d like to think, but actually the trigger for this post was none of these things. It was triggered because I have a habit of hiding in bathrooms.

Hiding in bathrooms

I have posted before about networking, and that I’m not a natural in this regard. I have over time developed tools and approaches to aid me, but I still don’t love it. Now for a confession, and to be honest I genuinely don’t know if this is just a me thing as I haven’t really talked about it. Sometimes when I just can’t face networking, I hide in the bathroom of wherever the event is taking place so I don’t have to be in the room until just before the event start so I don’t even have to try. I’ve hidden in some pretty Class A bathrooms in my time, at the Houses of Parliament, at fancy hotels and most recently at Mansion House.

Some days, I just can’t face the sea of people and trying to come up with something interesting that I can bring to the conversation. It is especially bad when entering rooms when I just don’t know anyone or at least anyone well. Occasionally, my game face just fails me and so I find myself locked in a toilet cubicle negotiating with myself about what point I will leave in order to still look like I’m arriving in a timely fashion and with a window to grab some tea.

The negotiation is also about convincing myself to not a) hide at the back of the room, b) just call it quits and go home, and c) look confident and like I haven’t been hiding in a bathroom when I enter the room.

The negotiating doesn’t end here. Many years ago I made a deal with myself. I am allowed to hide in the bathroom, but only pre-event. Once I make it to the room I am not allowed to leave without speaking to at least one person I don’t know. It doesn’t have to be extensive, but it has to be a deliberate act of networking. One of the reasons I find this bit easier is because post event, at least, the one thing I have in common with the other attendees is that we’ve just engaged in the same activity. So that’s the rule, one person, one conversation before I’m allowed to leave. I don’t know if I’m the only one that has these types of rules, but now you all know if you see me hiding out in a bathroom, there is a reason why.

Developing a more than normal interest in bathrooms and water

You won’t just find me in bathrooms at events, however. Working in IPC has waaaaay more to do with bathrooms than I could ever have imagined before I came into post. From overflowing toilets to drain flies, we deal with it all. We often joke that we don’t know which members of the team are Mario and which are Luigi, as even when it isn’t an IPC issue, we still get all the plumbing calls.

As time has progressed, I’ve developed strong opinions on a wealth of topics that I never thought would hold meaning for me, from sink design to tap choice. I’ve also learnt a lot more about IPS panels (the panels at the back of your sink) and TMVs (thermostatic mixer valves) and how both can impact on other areas, such as my need to revalidate my specialist mechanically ventilated rooms.

One of the key things I’ve learnt, as well as being open to continuously learning, is that relationships in this area are key. This is an area where you need to be able to ‘phone a friend’. Friends aren’t just other people in IPC. You need to build relationships with engineers and designers, as well as those people in the lab who can talk you through your water-based results. You simply can’t do this one alone. There are too many factors. Collaboration is key, and the sooner we recognise we can’t do it alone, the more impactful we will be.

Promoted to a bathroom

I don’t know if there’s any meaning behind it, or whether it is just an amusing coincidence, but when I finally got to a point in my career where I was allowed my own office it turned out it was a converted toilet cubicle. My office still says on-call bathroom on the door, alongside one of my favourite things the team have ever given me, my Dame Elaine sign (they always joke it will happen one day). It is a rather compact space, but I love it, and at least they remembered to take the actual toilet out.

The irony of a blog post that starts with how much I hide in bathroom cubicles then discussing how my office is now one is not lost on me. Quite a lot of people don’t like it as a space, as it has no natural light or any ventilation. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been hiding in bathrooms for way longer than I had a bathroom office, but I find it a really comforting space. I like the lack of distractions. I like being able to spin my chair and reach for anything I need. I like being able to listen to peppy music whilst I work, as I hate working in silence, and not having to worry about bothering others. To me, it’s sanctuary.

Being considered a bathroom expert

One of the things I didn’t realise when I started out as a Healthcare Scientist is how organically interests grow and end up turning into something more. I started involving myself in all things built environment and IPC, because I wanted to understand it better. I wanted to learn more. As time went on that wanting to learn led me to develop more and more questions, as I found gaps in the literature and questions I couldn’t find the answers to. Maybe because I am a scientist, those questions led me to create studies and collaborate with others to gain knowledge that not only solved some things but also created more questions. I’ve also had the painful experience of making bad decisions based on a lack of evidence to enable me to make better ones. Therefore, I think this area (water and water safety) is one that is often overlooked and yet is critical to all healthcare and healthcare environments.

One of the reasons it’s so easy to make less than ideal judgements and decisions in this area is that IPC teams get so little training on this. Most will know something about Legionella pneumophila and Pseudomonas aeruginosa, but very few will know much about other key organisms, such as atypical mycobacteria or Elizabethkingae. What can feel like fairly low consequence decisions based on aesthetic appeal, such as which tap you prefer, can have significant consequences down the line which might not be seen for years. This can make it hard to tie up cause and effect in order to lead to improved learning without external support.

I never aspired to, or meant to be considered an expert in this area, but somehow I have accrued some level of knowledge by being in a Trust that is always building, and having stayed in one place for 20 years to see the cause and effect in real time. For the same reasons, I’ve also published a few papers linked to ways to improve water hygiene, although only a handful.

The main thing I’ve done is establish the Environment Network as a way to share learning and talk through challenges, and more recently, a course that sits alongside it to help support those who are interested and don’t want to make the same trial and error mistakes that I did. I am far from an expert in reality. There’s too much to learn, and the landscape alters too quickly. What I am is intellectually curious and determined to try to learn enough that every decision I make it better than the last one.

Bathroom based recognition

I started this post talking about a Worshipful Company of Plumbers sponsored event at Mansion House and my bathroom based adventures. I thought I should finish it by telling you why I was there and how this transpired in case any of you would be interested in joining me at future versions.

As I said, there don’t seem to be that many people who work clinically who are interested in water safety, although I’m pleased to say the number is increasing. There are, however, amazing women working in this area from the microbiology perspective, women like Dr Susanne Surman-Lee and Elise Maynard. The brilliant thing about these women is that they are truly interested in engaging with others and also raising up other women. I first met Susanne 17 years ago as a trainee when she was working at UKHSA, she won’t remember the event but she made a definite impression on me, and I’ve known Elise for over a decade. They are my ‘phone a friends’ when I need expert advice. They also lead on a bunch of different guideline writing groups in relation to water, and over the years have been kind enough to include me so that these groups, which are usually fairly heavily engineering led, include a clinical perspective.

Over the years, we have written a few BSI guidelines together, and the one that I think is most useful to those of you out there in IPC is this one, BS 8580-2:2022 Water quality. Risk assessments for Pseudomonas aeruginosa and other waterborne pathogens. It has a wonderful table at the back from Elise that contains all of the kinds of organisms you are aiming to control and if there are any specific areas to be considered, such as Klebsiella pneumoniae and sinks. We’re currently writing a new one to help people make sampling based decisions, and one on atypical mycobacteria should hopefully start later in the year. Susanne also organises the Royal Society of Public Health water webinar series, and I’ve been fortunate enough to deliver a couple.

All of which ended up with me being here:

Worshipful Company of Plumbers Livery Ceremony May 2023

In 2022, I was asked if I’d consider becoming a Liveryman for the Worshipful Company of Plumbers, linked to my work on water and women in leadership. It’s been a fascinating process, and at some point I might do a blog post on it. Needless to say, I agreed and in May 2023 I was clothed in the Livery. One of the great things about joining has been to meet so many people who are also really interested in how we manage water better and differently. There are also so many different perspectives. At the Mansion House event, my one conversion ended up being the leader of a sustainability nonprofit who was interested in using STEAM (science, technology, engineering, arts and mathematics) approaches to change how people think about water. This strikes a bell with me, as some of the challenges in the healthcare setting are around people thinking of sink areas being ‘clean’, whereas they are frequently highly loaded with bacteria and therefore potential risk.

Members of my team now jokingly refer to me as Her Plumbship, and all plumbing queries are light heartedly directed my way. The thing is, in this area, none of us can do it alone. I’m not a plumber (despite what my CV says). Nor am I an engineer, an environmental microbiologist or sustainability expert. If we are to make things better, make thing safer and deliver on key goals like those listed by the UN, we have to come together. We have to embrace the fact that there is no such thing as a stupid question, be prepared to stick our heads above the parapet and be uncomfortable in our lack of knowledge in order to work towards a better shared understanding.

All opinions in this blog are my own

My (possible) Mid-Life Crisis and Me 2023 Edition: Entering 2024 has left me questioning….have I peaked at 44?

girlymicro General, Healthcare Science, Leadership, Research/Academia, Writing , , ,

Heading into 2024 is a slightly odd event for me. Let me tell me why. 2023 ticked boxes for me I had never imagined existed, let alone had on my list. I attended the King’s Coronation. I got to fulfil a lifelong dream and go to Eurovision. I even managed to tick off the last remaining thing on my professional wish list and made professor.

Coming hard on the back of 2022 and 2021, I just don’t really have words for how privileged I feel to have had the experiences I’ve had. This is all amazing and mind-blowing. When you take a moment to breathe and reflect on all of this, however, it leaves me with one over whelming thought. What next?

I’m 44 years old. This year will be my 20th as a Healthcare Scientist, my 20th year working in the NHS. I have at least another 10 years of service in me. But what does that look like? I could never imagine where I am now, so how do I envision what’s to come? How do I therefore make it happen? I, like many others, have always kind of joked about people having a mid-life crisis, but for the first time ever, I can see how people get there. I’m super fortunate that I love my job, and I don’t want a change. At the same point, I also don’t want to stagnate. I want to keep on pushing. I want to keep getting better as a person and moving things forward for others.

Recently, though I have to admit, I am recognising how much I also need to get some rest and recognise how far I’ve come. I went from finishing my PhD to making professor in 8 years. Things have happened at pace. Part of my brain screams its time to sit back and smell the roses for a while and mentally catch up with all thats happened. The other part is saying that I need a plan to climb the next mountain, whatever that might be. I enter 2024 therefore in somewhat of a no man’s land, trying to work out who I want to be as I turn 45 and enter the next phase of my career. I don’t have much of this figured out yet, but I thought I would start by talking about the few things I do know.

It’s about giving back

For me, tunnel vision was very much a thing during the early stages of my career. I knew where I was going and what I wanted to achieve. In the last year or so I’ve very much had a change of perspective. I’m lucky enough to be offered a lot of opportunities, previously when I would have said yes or thrown my hat into the ring I’ve had a change of heart. When these opportunities come up, quite a lot of the time, I actively decide to not take them up, or to pass them on. It’s hard to gain experience and make connections when you are early in your career. I never really had that person in my career who would push me into the limelight, or pass things my way. I am aware, from seeing this happen with medical colleagues, quite what a difference it can make to someone’s career progression. I want to be the person who makes conscious decisions to do that now, and to pay things forward. I also want to still be open to mentorship and coaching opportunities where I can support others to take these steps. I feel like it’s not about me anymore, it’s about growing the people who will replace me, and do the job I’m doing even better, who will grow the change even further.

It’s about inspiring others

It’s so much harder to become something if you don’t know it exists. How do you follow a road map to a destination that you don’t have a location for. Everyone has their own pathway, but it’s so much harder if you can’t make informed choices about what your options could be. I struggled with this so much for a very long time. I was lucky, in that I could picture what I wanted, but as there was no one I could find in that space I just didn’t know how to get there. It must be even harder if you dont have that strong sense of where you want to be. Now, I don’t know that I’m particularly inspirational, but what I can be is visible and work to be even more so. Visible enough so that people feel they can reach out and ask questions, visible enough that I can show possibility for those thinking about future destinations.

I still remember the scientist who came into my primary school classroom. I have so much love for all the people, like Ruth Thomsen and others, who are living embodiments of the possibilities that are available for scientific careers. I want to continue to ring fence time so that I can live up to those examples. Although I took a while to realise it, I think that visibility is another reason why this blog is so important to me and why I hope that it will continue to grow and be useful to others. So, every day I want to consciously be trying to do better and inspire more.

It’s about opening doors

I have been blessed to have a career that both challenges me and fulfils me. I have also been fairly successful and managed to tick my personal tick boxes, becoming a Consultant Clinical Scientist, maintaining a clinical academic career, and making Professor. That’s great for me, but I think that if I don’t make it so that others can achieve those things or make the pathway easier, I will actually have fundamentally failed in my goals. Now I’ve finally managed to get over the line I’ve realised that the goal was never just about me. It was about making sure that anyone who had those aspirations had a pathway that they could follow, rather than wandering in the darkness and making it up as they went alone, like I did. So that’s the job, sharing my mistakes and learning so others don’t have to repeat them and can start a bit further along the pathway. 

It’s also my job to put a wedge in the door so that others don’t have to push anywhere near as hard to get it open as I did, and by using what level of influence and privilege I have to serve those who will follow. I am fortunate enough to have access to some resources that mean I can make practical contributions to this, not just work as a mentor or from an individual standpoint. I sit on national groups and run national meetings, which I really hope means that we can build networks and change things together. We are always stronger as a group. This is something that is really important to me, and a priority I want to continue to pursue.

It’s about trying new things

Now, when I say I’m passing on opportunities, it’s not that I don’t want to be challenged or to stagnate. I still want to take on new challenges, develop skills and take on new things. I’m just aware that there are experiences I’ve already had that could benefit others more. Some of the things I want to do are work adjacent, rather than purely work based skills. I’d like to get better at doing things like this, writing my blog, structuring it into something new, but also other things like science communication. I’d also like to be a better leader and communicator in general. I think, for me, it’s about moving from pure knowledge acquisition to pass exams etc, to skill/tool acquisition and application to help me implement change. I’m still passionate about my job and excited for the scope it gives me, I just want to gain the skills to do it better in the broadest possible sense.

It’s about knowing myself

All of this change has come from feeling like I’m growing into my own skin and learning to be unapologetically me. That doesn’t mean I’m a saint, I have so so many flaws, but it’s a growing acceptance that I’m a work in progress and that that is OK. Being open to that knowledge and that improvement is something I want to embrace. The more I get to know me, flaws and all, the more I can understand my drivers and responses. The more I do that the more I can reduce the noise, the more clarity I can have to embrace where I want to move towards. In my 20s and 30s I think I was scared to look and really see myself as I was clinging to ideas of perfection. Now in my 40s I just want to be the best authentic version of myself, and that’s the journey I’m on now.

It’s about finding time and balance

Part of that knowing myself is acknowledging that I use work as a way of feeling worthy and marking progression. There is so much more to me, and my sense of self worth cannot rely on numbers of papers published, or my professional reputation. Finding value in myself through work drives a fairly unhealthy relationship, where it’s difficult to step away and leads to working an excessive amount of hours. At one point prior to the pandemic I didn’t have a weekend off for 3 years, Weirdly I was OK with this, but now I have staff and students, I’m aware of how toxic an example this is to set. Also, as my health gets more challenging, I just can’t maintain it. I need rest and relaxation. I need to have periods where I completely step away, for both my physical and mental health. I want to learn to read books for fun again and take long bubble baths. To move away from my work being quite so core to my identity for the good of everybody, especially Mr Girlymicro.

It’s about allowing time for celebration and joy

The other part of allowing space to relax and enjoy life is finding time to celebrate. I’ve been very much ‘onto the next thing’ for so long that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to really sit back and smell the roses. I’ve always been the same. I never managed to celebrate GCSE results, degree results etc. By the time I finished the exam I was so burnt out and broken all I could do was crawl into my bed to recover. Having posted last year about the importance of celebration, I want to try to learn a new healthier habit where I do celebrate things, both large and small.

Again, this is something having students and teams has taught me. I want them to embrace their successes and take time to really recognise what they have achieved. It’s not therefore just about taking time to recognise my own progress but really ensure I put a focus on celebrating the progress of others. It’s so easy to put it off and say we will do it another time, then nothing ever happens, it’s time to prioritise joy.

It’s about staying brave

Finally, I want to make sure that I stay open to failure. I don’t want to avoid trying things or embracing experiences just because I fear I will fail or what others will think of me. I want to stay brave, I want to be fierce. Being fortunate enough to have reached a position of some privilege I want to also ensure I own that position and continue to speak my truth, even if that comes with risk or discomfort, for the benefit of others. I want, when needed, to know that I will always stick my head above the parapet, be seen, be part of the conversation, and use what voice I have for the benefit of people other than myself.

I may not know where this next phase will lead me, but there is joy in the not knowing as well as fear. I genuinely think that as long as I keep to the list of the things that I do know as a cornerstone of my decision making, it will all work out. I want to strive to be kind, I want to know myself better, and I want to leave this world a better place than I found it. I hope whatever part of the journey you are on you are able to find your own signposts to the life you want to lead. Welcome to the mid-life, it’s not so scary as it seemed!

All opinions in this blog are my own