holidays

A Thank You to All the Cheerleaders: At the end of a tough 2024 my gratitude for all the support

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2024 was always going to be tough. Wonderful colleagues were facing challenges on all fronts. Close family members were going through significant change. Things that were going to impact not just my ability to balance life and work but also how that life was lived were very obviously coming down the line. I don’t know about you, but as a planner, I sometimes find the anticipation of the bad ‘stuff’ almost worse than its arrival, and 2024 kicked off with plenty of anticipation.

Now the end of 2024 is so close I can almost taste it, and much of the ‘stuff’ has both come and gone, I find myself still standing and grateful for all of you that have supported in enabling this to be the reality.

As a result of this year, I have spent a lot of time thinking about what keeps me going, what I need, and what I’m grateful for. None of the answers to these questions were linked to productivity or achievement. The answers, as it turned out, were all linked to people and relationships. These people, connections, and relationships were the answer to all my questions and remain the foundation of my everything. So, for my last post in 2024, I wanted to put something in writing that says thank you and talks about all the reasons why you are my team and my cheerleaders. You guys are the best!

I don’t need to see you to know that you are there

When times are hard, or adversity strikes, it is easy to end up feeling isolated and alone. It can be tempting to disconnect and enter protective mode, where you share less of who you are in order to limit your exposure. One of the things this year has shown me is how fortunate I am to never really feel that way. I know that whatever the world throws at me I am not alone. I am so lucky to have Mr and Mummy Girlymicro in my life, but it’s not just them. I posted this time last year about the amazing close friendships I have with some of my girls. These people, who I may not have even managed to see in person this year, are still there supporting me, even if I haven’t had a lot of time to connect. I still know that they are there and are backing me. I know if I reached out and I needed them, they would be there in a heartbeat. I’m aware of the privilege of this, and I am thankful for it every day.

We don’t need to always agree

One of the greatest signs of trust in any relationship is feeling safe enough to disagree, whether it be in work, romantic, family or friend based relationships. In travelling uncharted territory, there is no rule book and often no guide for how to make decisions or choices. This uncertainty can therefore inevitably lead to differences of opinion about what is the right approach in any given moment. Being able to disagree and yet still feel supported whilst working through the disagreement, in an attempt to reach consensus or just accept difference, is a real blessing. Even more so if it can happen without triggering preexisting insecurities or feeling exposed to judgement. I am trying to make conscious decisions to value moments where I learn more about myself and others by going through these disagreements, whilst also knowing how fortunate I am to have people in my life who are a safe space for these moments to occur with.

You forgive me for making mistakes

The process of learning and growing is not an easy one, and sometimes we have to face difficulty truths about ourselves and our flaws. I am flawed. I make mistakes, like ALL the time. I’d like to think that I grow each time and try not to make the same mistake twice, but even that is not 100%. One of the benefits of learning from disagreements is that it helps to garner enough understanding from any negative outcome that results to help make better choices in the future. I am grateful to my wonderful colleagues, friends, family and readers of this blog, for not only forgiving me for making those mistakes but also supporting me in sharing my journey in learning from them, not only face to face but also in this blog. My hope is always, that by being open, I support others in making more informed choices as we are all learning together.

You lift me when I am low

This year has had some significant lows. It has has included the deaths of some significant figures in my life, such as Professor Nigel Klein, who had been a key part of my working life for almost 20 years. He was the person who supported me in my first steps in academia, who supported and supervised me during my PhD, and has continued to be a key figure in my clinical academic career ever since. Significant health challenges have been present for colleagues and family and this has hit me hard at times, even if I am not the person unwell. I’ve been feeling pretty mortal, and also powerless to help in any meaningful way. So many of you have been so kind and lifted my spirits, from sending memes or commenting on the blog, to unexpected treats from friends and family that have made me feel seen and loved. Having a safety net of people who are prepared to pick up the slack when I’ve struggled or to remind me that everything will be OK has been an invaluable asset in 2024.

You drive me to be the best version of myself

When the world is overwhelming, when everything feels too much, it can be so tempting to want to throw in the towel and just ride the wave. Having to try (and sometimes fail) to get this blog out every week and to continue to show up has been crucial to just keeping me going whatever my mood. There have been weeks when this blog hasn’t happened. There have been days when I haven’t delivered in the way that I would wish. I have certainly been too tired to step up and see people or do things on the weekends or in my free time. Knowing that there is an expectation of levels of engagement, be it from my PhD students, colleagues, readers of this blog, or family, has kept me going and kept me present. You support me in trying to be the best version of myself and to keep showing up in the best way I can in the moment. You support me in not just accepting but seeking out things that challenge me and keep me on my learning pathway. Hopefully, I then get to feed that back via this blog, and therefore the loop continues.

I know you would always straighten my crown without telling me it was crooked

We’ve all been there, we’ve sent an email or written a slide, and it’s not quite right. There are people who reply to you and give you a heads up so you can issue a no drama correction, and there are people who reply all or stand up at the end of the talk to point out your error. I count myself so fortunate to have so many people who sit in the former rather than the latter bracket in my life. This is a pretty basic example, but I’m hoping you see what I’m trying to say. I have so many people in my corner who will steer me back on course when I’m beginning to drift, or who will gently escort me from a conversation that I’m not in the right head space to have. People who know when I need saving from myself, from reminding me that having that dairy filled cake is not wise, to pointing out that I can’t physically manage to book myself into speaking at three conferences in different cities in a week. I know my well-being is at the centre of their actions, and having that safety net is of incalculable value to me.

We are in this journey together

When I made my first blog post in 2015 I didn’t even know what this blog was going to be. When I started posting regularly in 2020, I knew my why but I didn’t really know my how. Now, looking back on the last 200+ posts I feel like I’m more comfortable with some of the how. My next challenge is the where. I feel very much like I want to continue to grow and that this blog is a medium through which I can do that. I’ve learnt so much from the journey so far, but I am certain there is so much further I want to go. This year the blog broke 20,000 reads for the first time, and that makes me feel like we are in this journey together, wherever it might lead. I love seeing the interactions when I post. I love hearing your thoughts and feedback. I love feeling like this is something we are doing together and that I learn from you as much as you, hopefully, learn from my experiences. I don’t know where this road ends, but I know that I am determined to keep following it.

You understand that performance is not consistent

This post has been really hard to write for some reason. It’s taken me hours of staring at the screen, and I don’t know how well it will be received. Some posts spring to life, almost fully formed, and take no time at all to write. Some just make themselves harder work. I am pretty sure, therefore, that not all of them knock it out of the park. There are certainly ones that speak to some people more than others. Having spent some time thinking about it, I’ve decided that this is OK. As long as my intention is to communicate something, and I never post for the sake of posting, then how it lands is out of my control. The main thing is that I always try to do my best.

The same is true with posting frequency. I will always try to post weekly, but this year has shown me that sometimes I just can’t manage that. I used to obsess and spiral about it, and now I’ve decided that if I am not in the head space to write something worthwhile, I am better waiting until that resolves. I’ve been so grateful with the patience shown to me on this front in 2024 and that you have stuck with both me and this blog through all the random trains of thought and erratic posting frequencies.

You don’t judge me when I bear my soul

I try to always be honest in this blog. I try to share both the good and the bad, in a balanced but honest way. The concept of authentic leadership is important to me, and to fulfill it I think I need to show all sides of myself. I can only do this because I feel that I have built up a trust and feeling of safety in writing this blog over the years.

I remember when I first started to post things that were more personal, I used to brace myself for the comeback. I almost expected my confessions of inadequacy or failures to be weaponised against me. In all the 200+ posts that have been written, I’ve only had a single comment that could be considered to be less than supportive of my sharing, and even this was written (I believe) from a place that the author thought it would be helpful. As a result of this building of trust, I write from a space where I am comfortable sharing my lived experience without revision or overlay. I genuinely believe that this means that the sharing has much more value because of it. So, thank you for supporting me in getting to this place of confidence and comfort and always encouraging me to bring my full self to our interactions.

I hear you when you tell me this is valued

In my darker moments this year, when I was questioning a lot of the things that required focus or time, I reflected on whether writing this blog was something that was valued by anyone but me. Whether it was a good use of several hours of my time every week, when I didn’t have time for a bubble bath or other self care. Then every time I went to a conference I would have lovely conversations with people about the blog, and all of them were so positive, and inspired me so much.

Over the last year, I’ve even had people spontaneously mention it in meetings or 1:1 interactions. It’s hard to communicate how much this means. When I sit on my sofa and need to choose between pulling out the laptop to write or watching some trashy TV to unwind, it is these interactions that keep me reaching for my laptop. When I’m on the tube and I need to choose between closing my eyes and escaping into an audio book or doing some blog writing on my phone. It is the memory of these moments that keep me plugging away. Knowing that others value reading this blog, hearing stories in response to putting my experiences out there, make every minute spent worthwhile. So thank you, thank you for giving this blog meaning, thank you for showing the time invested has value, and thank you for taking time out of your lives to join me in this endeavour that means so much to me.

All opinions in this blog are my own

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Why I love the festive season and all that comes with it

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For regular readers of this blog, the fact that I adore Christmas probably comes as no surprise. It contains everything I love, time with people I care about, movies, heaps of romance, and an excuse to indulge in lots of lovely food and drink. I’m not religious. I embrace the shamelessly commercial, and I dive right in. I make Christmas puddings the week after Halloween. My Christmas tree gets delivered on the last weekend in November, and from that point on I’m full blown carols and Christmas cheer for as long as I can get away with. So, in this, my last post before Christmas, I wanted to share all of the reasons why I love it and explain, even as someone who won’t be at church on Christmas Eve, all of the benefits I think the season can provide!

Time for reflection

Number one on my list (that’s definitely not hierarchical) is the fact that this time of year encourages me to spend some time on active reflection. I spend so much of my working life in responsive mode and fire fighting, that it can feel like I achieve nothing and go no where. When looking at what I need to close off before the end of 2024, I am also trying to take some time to actively reflect. What did I actually achieve? What went well? What have I learnt, especially from the things that didn’t go so well? What do I want to take with me in terms of life lessons and priorities into 2025? Almost more important, what do I need to let go off? What baggage am I leaving in 2024 in order to leave me with room for grow moving forward? This is the time when I review what’s happened, take both the learning and the good, and leave the rest in the frozen tundra so it doesn’t start to define me or weigh me down.

Time to review progress

As the nights draw in, I, like most of us, desperately try to close off some of my outstanding work list. I am, therefore, almost forced to give some of my focus into what that list will look like going into the next year. The thing that I’ve tried to do is to review whether things that are going to roll into 2025 are a) still needed or b) still serve me in my direction of travel. There are always going to be jobs that are still needed and not optional (so many apologies for not getting these done in 2024), but there are other goals, such as writing an environmental IPC textbook, were worthy of review to see if they were still something I wanted. If you are wondering the answer is yes to both the textbook and the book of this blog, both of which fell by the wayside due to limitations in capacity in 2024. I refer to this period of activity as my Christmas mental cleansing, and I find it both a helpful and comforting process that can be undertaken under a blanket with a warm cup of tea. This is also the time where I make an active choice to celebrate my successes and forgive myself for everything else.

Time for joy

Another of my favourite things at this time of year is to give myself permission to make time for joy. It’s probably no surprise to anyone that my life is pretty work heavy and there isn’t a lot of space for downtime. At this time of year I have a list of things that bring me joy that I actively schedule in and am determined to find time for. Christmas movies make up a lot of this. Watching a Muppet Christmas Carol, either on Christmas Eve or when decorating the tree. Sobbing to Love Actually and Serendipity as I take a moment to remember happy times with my sister. Indulging in the delights of spending time with my husband whilst watching Die Hard, which is a Christmas movie, on Christmas Eve. Carols whilst cooking and sitting together to highlight the Christmas Radio Times. There is never enough time to do all that I would wish, but these stolen moments make my soul feel lighter and instil every day with an extra level of joy that means I value every single single hour in the run up to the main event.

Time to indulge

OK OK, I acknowledge we all need to be healthier. I’m aware that I do not ‘need’ another cocktail, piece of chocolate, or an extra roast potato, but I am a lover of all things food and sparkling, so what’s a girl to do. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t just indulge in edibles, I also indulge in Christmas experiences, like theatre shows and more shopping than is probably good for my bank balance. I usually don’t like crowds or areas with lots of people, Christmas is the exception. I love the buzz, the feel of the atmosphere and lights whilst carols play in the background. For me, even the provision of time to shop that isn’t time restricted and just has plenty of browsing time without any time pressure built in is an indulgence. It’s a time where I allow myself to prioritise enjoyment and experiences, not just tasks. For me it’s about, for a short while, experiencing the joy of living in the moment and what it feels like to live a life without a deadline.

Time for family

It shouldn’t count as an indulgence, but sadly sometimes I am aware that I can be so focused on work and task that I forget to make room for the most important thing in my world, my family. I’m aware that I am really fortunate to have such a great relationship with my family, but I also include here the family we have by choice, not just by blood. In general my family put up with a lot; lateness, lack of focus, even the odd missed event. At this time of the year, despite the fact that it should be all year, I really do try to ensure that my priorities are in order and that they come first. It’s one of the reasons that the indulgence part is important to me, as it also involves making room and time for those indulgences and experiences to be shared. To build new memories together and to celebrate both each other and each others company. I’ve lost too many people I love in recent years to not realise what a precious gift this is and would encourage us all to take the time to slow down and smell the poinsettia.

Time to remember

My sister and I felt the same way about Christmas. It was always important to us, as well as to mummy and Mr Girlymicro. So much so that when life at Christmas meant that we had too much on and couldn’t celebrate ‘Goosemas’ together we have been known to celebrate Christmas in September, or actually at many other times of year, when we could still get together and cook a goose in each others company. You see, fundamentally, it isn’t about the date for us, it’s about the company and the time spent together. Now she’s gone we keep my sisters memory alive by watching the movies we always used to watch together, like Serendipity. This one was so much a feature of our Christmas celebrations that when Mr Girlymicro and I got married, our wedding present from my sister was to spend 3 nights at the Waldorf Astoria in New York, purely so we could re-create the lift scene from the start of the film, and visit Serendipity 3. Unlike the couple in the movie, Mr Girlymicro and I both picked the same floor (our wedding date) and manage to move direct to our happy ever after. I cry buckets every time I watch these films, but making space to remember the loved ones we’ve lost along the way, and to remember the joy they brought, is an important part of my Christmas experience.

Time to take a break

One of the reasons that any of this is possible is because this is the time of year where I always prioritise taking a break. It feels easier to do as many people are doing the same, so the addition to the email mountain is never quite as much as when you are the only one fleeing with an out of office on. It is also important for me as I know that I am going to find the months from January to March really hard. I work in a windowless converted toilet cubicle as my office, I love it, but it means that in the darker months I barely see sunlight, and after a while it gets to influence my mood. Having this little bump of joy is the foundation I use to get me through till when the flowers start to bloom and my heart starts to lift again. It’s like I’m creating a festive battery to serve until that time.

Time to reconnect

The very act of having a period of days off, when other people are often more available, means that there is an opportunity to really reconnect with people. I have very patient friends and family. I am lucky to have people in my life who I may not see for months, or even years, and yet once we hear from each other it’s like no time has passed. These people are both precious and rare in life, and so I try to ensure that this is the time that I at least reach out, even if I can’t meet up as time is short and we are geographically far away. Time is the resource that I have least of, so using it at Christmas is actually the most valuable gift I can give.

Time to feel re-inspired

A side consequence of taking a break and doing some processing is that I genuinely always come out of this time so re-invigorated and inspired. I feel like I have permission to have conversations with others about what I still want to achieve, and these very conversations give my brain all kinds of ideas. It’s so nice to have time to bounce ideas around, and feel like you are truly having time to have dialogue, rather than the sometimes perfunctory task based thinking that is all there is normally time for. The excitement that comes from these conversations really does fuel me and these things can’t happen without space and connection, and so inspiration really is a gift I give myself at this time of year.

Time to show gratitude

It’s so easy to take people for granted. I do it all the time, even though I really don’t want to. Life is run at pace, and in that rush it is easy to believe we acknowledge and thank others more than we really do, and more than they may have time to hear. My life functions because of Mr Girlymicro. He makes untold sacrifices so that I have time to sit here on the sofa writing, rather than partaking in my share of chores. Mummy Girlymicro does not get the devoted daughter she deserves, as I’m always focusing on too many things at once. This is before you bring me onto colleagues, that cover so I can undertake teaching and research, or my other friends and family, who put up with cancellations either due to work or exhaustion. I owe so many thanks to so many people. They really do make my life a blessed existence. This time of year I hope that I shout my thank you’ s loud enough to be heard and recognised, and that I put down the laptop down for long enough that, for once, I am the one taking care of others, rather than the other way around. I also want to say thank you for reading this blog. It’s come to mean so much to me, and I know that everyone has so many other options about what to do with their time. So thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for commenting. Thank you for liking. Thank you for coming on this journey with me.

Time to look to the future

All of which brings me to my final point. The things this season provides enables me to lift myself up and look to the future. It enables me to do so free of the baggage that has built up in the previous 12 months. It lets me do so with a focus born of reflection as to what I want and what needs to be done. It grounds me in connection and means that I remember the core values that drive me. It supports me in entering 2025 in an inspired mindset, which acts as a spring board for everything else. So I will enter my future with optimism, a clear sense of direction and the certainty that I will not be travelling alone as I move forward.

Who doesn’t love a Christmas game!

Now, if as Mr Girlymicro has stated, that was a little motivational speaker, lets bring it back to the real spirit of Christmas, festive games!!! I, being a gamer, love a festive game and so here is a fun one to kick off your day.

All opinions in this blog are my own

I know that not everyone loves this time of year or finds it easy. Please don’t feel alone and reach out for any support you need to make it through the season.