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Looking Back and Looking Forward: A Girlymicro 2025 year in review and looking forward to 2026

girlymicro General , , , , , , ,

This week is the first ‘return to normal’ back at work week for many people, and the reality can hit hard. I’ve been reading articles about how to get over this particular speed bump, mostly because they are everywhere you look right now. Many of them talk about how important reflection is to re-centre yourself and adjust to the change of pace.

Now, I haven’t been off in quite the same way as many but doing a bit of reflection to process 2025 and set up 2026 seemed like not a bad way to manage some of my thoughts that I hadn’t made time to investigate in the chaotic world of the Christmas build up. Doing a bit of mental spring cleaning felt timely. So, in case it helps, I thought I would share the questions I asked to structure my thinking, as well as the answers in case you fancy doing something similar as a way to enter 2026 in a positive mindset.

One thing I’ve learnt

I wrote last week about my journey redefining who I am post pandemic. The thing that triggered this, that maybe everyone but me already knew, is that redefining identify requires work.

Roll on 2026: Being intentional about finding my way back to my full authentic self

The need for redefinition to be an active process that requires purpose, energy and focus, was something I just hadn’t realised. I’d been waiting for it to ‘just happen’, for me to snap back into my pre-pandemic self like some kind of human rubber band. I think I’ve spent some time quietly baffled about the fact that wasn’t happening and questioning how long it would take. After all, as teenagers we don’t define ourselves with purpose, we try on identities like clothes, and finally one sticks.

The same does not seem to be true as a woman in your 40s. In hindsight, having had this revelation, I am glad for the requirement to be purposeful about getting back to the new me, rather than defaulting to the old.

The thing I’m proudest of this year

This year I really feel I rolled the dice on myself. I put something out there which made me both visible and vulnerable, without any idea of how it would be received. I had an idea. I committed. I took that idea and made it into a reality I could hold in my hands. I wrote a book that went out into the world, where I gave up all control of how it would be received, and how those who read it might view me.

The book is called ‘It Shouldn’t Happen to a PhD Student‘ and it is very deliberately not the kind of academic book I have been previously involved in writing. Much to the horror of some of my academic colleagues it is not referenced. It is a practical guide to your PhD journey, everything from what you need to take to your first conference if you are presenting a poster, to how to build confidence in public speaking. It also contains a lot of me, acknowledgement of how I got things wrong in my own PhD and supervisory experience, as well as the things that went well.

I’m so proud of myself for taking the risk. I’m proud of myself for taking some of the commentary in my stride. I’m proud of myself for trying to make a difference, so that others have a better experience when they are taking on a new challenge.

I’m also grateful to everyone who has stood with me, shared, brought, and supported me. It’s when you put yourself in a vulnerable position and see everyone come out to cheer lead that you are reminded of quite how fortunate you are in life.

Something I am still working on

One thing that I am still making very slow progress at, and requires conscious effort, is managing the need for external recognition in order to feel validated. Sometimes, I think that I am something of a Golden Retriever, with a love of people tapping me on the head and telling me I’ve done a good job. In my defense it be because positive reinforcement is not exactly a feature in my day job, I am, after all, often the bearer of bad news, but as a people pleaser this lack of acknowledgement can make it hard to feel safe and heard.

This lack of positive feedback/reinforcement is also a feature of seniority. As you move up the ladder competence is assumed. No one is going to say well done just for doing your job. There is a need to go above and beyond in order to gain that recognition. A lot of my above and beyond is linked to our wider community, and therefore pretty invisible to my day job, or not considered relevant. It’s not a surprise therefore that it doesn’t feature. Building on my own internal capacity for reflection and acceptance is an important way to manage my people pleasing tendencies. I suspect I need to be less dog and more cat, in terms of independence, moving forward in my working life.

A reflective tool to structure my 2026 learning

Towards the end of 2025 I found this reflection tool online which I have found quite useful as a way of entering 2026. Leadership can be a lonely space, and having a structured way to process and explore events that arise can be really beneficial, both for well being, but also for learning.

A lot of the ways I want to approach 2026 are linked to being more targeted and defined in terms of the impact I want to make. I have been fortunate to have this amazing community support me and let me grow, and now I want to think about moving it forward, rather than just drifting and responding. Understanding challenges and moments that I could improve is the first step, alongside reflection on what fulfills me and brings me joy, in making sure that I move forward with purpose. Challenge and conflict are not dirty words in the Girlymicro world, they are opportunities for growth, even if living those moments brings discomfort. Rather than denying they have happened, I would rather be a better person, scientist, and leader as a result.

Three words to carry me forward

The inspiring Tara Birch made this post on LinkedIn before Christmas and it really resonated with me. I knew that I didn’t want to make a standard January post, but instead make some promises to myself, using words which will help keep me on track linked to my aims, values, and passions.

My words for 2026 are Creative. Brave. Redefined.

Creative – as I want to still be writing, writing blogs here, writing to support others, and writing for another project. Science is also a creative endeavour, and it can be hard to be truly creative when tired or overwhelmed. I’m putting things in place to ensure that I can flex my science muscles and re-fill that particular creative cup to allow 2026 to be a launch pad for new scientific projects

Brave – because I want to continue to speak and be heard, whether the message I have is digestible to others or not. Being visible will always come with critics and commentary. Despite the challenges of that I want to maintain being brave enough to stand up and be counted, and hopefully walk even a little taller when owning my space

Re-defined – it is all too easy to let other define us, or for others to speak their truth and get swept up in it. It is also easy to lose sight of who we are in the rapid, challenging, and responsive world we live in. To drift rather than standing firm and looking inside because we are too scared to see ourselves for all we are. I both love and have hope for myself, and I am surrounded by people who see me for all I am and love me anyway. In 2026 I want to use these positive motivations to ensure I can continue to move forward, growing into my future self, rather than a 2019 echo

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/thetarabirch_i-ditched-new-years-resolutions-years-ago-activity-7408770886821941248-xtEg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_android&rcm=ACoAAAZjGL0B8K0ce1stGHZAPTgt9H7tGgWKQ8s

One aspiration to keep me focused

The NHS, the world, and science in general, is going through a difficult time right now, so I’ve been thinking what it is that I can do about it. It is easy to feel powerless, but I really do believe we have more power than we acknowledge.

Large scale systematic change is happening all around us, which can be unsettling, and lead to destabilisation of how we feel, as well as the system we sit within. Even if we are not directly impacted, we see how this impacts friends, colleagues, and family. It can make us want to keep our heads down and just keep going. The thing about this kind of change however, is that it is also an opportunity. If we are brave enough the system itself can emerged changed, but hopefully better. If we don’t engage however, the change will lead to the new system looking surprising similar to the old system, and a lot of the discomfort experienced will therefore have had limited value. This is the time, no matter how it feels, to engage rather than withdraw if you can face it, to make all of the disruption worth while.

The rise of science denialism is also everywhere I look. For instance, the impact of the US administration on organisations I’ve liaised with all of my working life, such as the CDC, have made it very clear that none of us can stand by and not challenge this type of commentary when we encounter it. When I say ‘challenge’ I mean it in the sense of questioning, trying to understand drivers, and building of bridges, rather than trolling people on the internet or engaging in insult slinging. I’m talking about getting out there and sharing evidence, and tackling mis-information when it comes in front of you. I acknowledge that there can be a lot of ‘why me’ and ‘surely someone else can do it’. People who are paid science communicators. People who have more time. People who have more strategic power. I feel you, and I’m not saying we should take this on like it’s our full time roll. The thing is, science deniers often have high visibility. They are easy to find. It is often not so easy to find a friendly scientist who will provide the counter position. So this year I will try to be more visible, to be the science ‘phone a friend’ for people who find it helpful. Most of all I will not make myself small for the comfort of others, especially for those who wish there was less diversity in science. Now is the time to stand up and be seen.

A manifestation to work towards

So………I mentioned I had my first book come out in 2025, and despite the fact that it may have been madness to commit to getting a book out in 4 months I’ve rather caught the bug. I have plans to have another book out early October, launching before Halloween. It’s called ‘Don’t Open that Door: A microbiologists’ guide to infection in movies and TV’.

It contains a whole lot of chapters on infection prevention and control, alongside 23 chapters based on a different films or TV series where infection is key to the core theme of the work, split into sections on viruses, fungi, parasites, and bacteria (and other causes). Most of the end of last year was about getting the list of options down from 136 to 23, although I could still do with 2 more fungal examples if any exist, so give me a shout if you have any ideas. It has been so much fun so far, but now the work really begins. I’m really excited about this one, and Mr Girlymicro and I are planning to pick up the mics and also do some podcasting as we go along, so keep an eye out and maybe subscribe to the Girlymicro podcast so you are the first to hear.

A gratitude to end on

One of the things that is always a feature of the Girlymicro community is how grateful I am for all of your support. I feel braver and more creative because I know you all support my endeavours. Everything that I, and this blog, accomplish is because you take the time to read it. In 2026 I am looking for more ways for us to support each other. If you have ideas how please let me know. Whether that is writing me a blog post on something you are passionate about, having a catch up at a conference or event, or that you are starting a new project that you would like support with and you think I can help. Let’s enter 2026 with an ambition to connect and support each other even more than we did in 2026.

For all of you still struggling with the pressure and darkness of January I leave you with this:

All opinions in this blog are my own

Roll on 2026: Being intentional about finding my way back to my full authentic self

girlymicro General, Leadership , , , , , , ,

It’s the Sunday between Christmas and New Year. In theory it was supposed to be a chilled out, relaxed and refuelling week off work. Instead, due to no fault of anyone, it’s been a week full of chaos, and disruption linked to illness, house moves and life changes. All of which will fade into memory but for now are quite at the forefront of my thinking. Subsequently this means that I am entering 2026 less rested and more discombobulated than I had hoped, feeling very much like a Gemma Correll picture.

For full disclosure, it’s not just 2026 I have entered this way. It feels like every New Year since 2020 I have become less and less likely to greet it with joy and moved more and more towards greeting it with a timid ‘hi’ from behind the curtains. It feels like we’ve all been bitten once too often by providing an optimistic welcome and seeing the resulting 12 months turn into another year of trial and trauma, whilst our resilience is no longer worth writing home about.

Add to this the ever present commentary on all social media platforms, where my professional and social peers list all of their successes, the languages they’ve learnt, the places they’ve been, and the skills they’ve picked up, whilst I rot with unwashed hair and wallow in exhaustion. Life can start to feel hard or like you’re failing in comparison, all of which can make it feel difficult to roll out the red carpet to another New Year.

In order to centre myself and navigate through the triggering level of self proclaimed positivism out there I thought that this year I would not focus on making a list of New Years resolutions, but reflect on what went well in 2025. The aim of this is not to make life worse for others by screaming about my successes, but to remind us all that progress is more impactful than tick boxing, and that the small things count, some days even more than the big things. Fair warning, this post contains a lot of ‘I’s, as it is about how I see the world. I hope that despite this it may still be useful to you all.

My big aim for 2025 was to try and feel more like the 2019 version of me. Someone who had hobbies, friends, and could even find time to spend with them, as well as family. To feel like a whole person, and not just a professional avatar, so this is the benchmark I shall be measuring 2025 success against.

I spent time with Mr Girlymicro and my wider family

This sounds like a basic thing, but I had gotten into the habit of working every weekend, catching up on emails or catching up on work in general. I began to have a lot of anxiety if I didn’t, in case there was something life/job ending between Friday night and Monday morning. This has been the year that I deliberately faced that anxiety and forced myself to work through it by not reacting to it, and allowing it to drive me to work more. It’s meant that I have had to find coping mechanisms. At the moment they could be healthier as they involve doing work adjacent things, such as book writing, but they have enabled me to step away. I have also been forced to accept that things will happen, but that I can’t work 24/7, and attempting to do so was leaving me in a very unhealthy place.

The payoff for this has been being able to spend more time with my family. Now, some of this is because Mummy Girlymicro and my brother moved in with us (hence the Xmas house moving chaos as they moved out) but a lot of it was me prioritising spending time on non-work. Mr Girlymicro and I have been able to have, at least, protected movie time on a Sunday, and we’ve even managed some date nights. I need more of this in 2026, just spending time together is healing and I can’t wait to spend more and improve on my 2025 efforts.

I managed to finish a non-work based project (Mr Girlymicro would scream work adjacent at this header)

Talking about that work based distraction and anxiety management, I decided to do something for me, based on my passion. Now, I acknowledge that deciding to write a book in 4 months may not be the healthiest of anxiety managing techniques, but it enabled a fire break, where I could focus that anxiety on something productive and was sufficiently distracting to allow a re-focus away from work. It was also nice to be able to visualise something productive coming out of that anxiety, seeing the word count increase little by little. A lot of my day job is responsive or constantly writing and changing written guidance, it can sometimes be hard to see what you’ve achieved at the end of a day, week, month, and so to see a book come together from a concept felt incredibly validating.

(if you haven’t seen the book, take a look at the Girlymicrobiologist book page, or the Amazon webpage for more details)

The other opportunity that writing the book gave me, was that it started, alongside spending time with family, to allow me to form a new identity. I’ve been in work mode for 5 years, and have become so locked in that I almost couldn’t remember the pre-pandemic me. Developing a project that wasn’t directly linked to work allowed me to ask questions like ‘what brings me joy?’ and ‘what message is it that I have to share?’, ‘what can I add?’, ‘what can I do to make the world easier/better?’. This book on a small scale was the answer to those questions. More to follow though, this was a starter for ten.

I acknowledge that I will not return to who I was before

A key part of building a new identity is acknowledging change and letting yourself grieve for your previous one. 2025 was the year that I finally acknowledged that those of us who worked through the pandemic, lost loved ones and colleagues, probably do carry a certain level of trauma with us. I probably don’t see the world the same way now as I did before. The circle of friends that I hold close is much smaller than before, and they have seen all the sides of me. They are the people I trust to always take a 4am call from me. To let me come and crash at their place with 30 minutes notice, just because I need to escape. They are my ride or dies, and I value them so much.

I think I will be sad for the loss of some of the innocence I had before the pandemic, some of the faith and trust in systems. I think I will continue to miss the naivety. I believe I have emerged on the other side better at my job however, and for those I’m close to a better friend. I see the change as an opportunity to re-define who I want to be and where I want to go. It’s hard to know how much of this is truly pandemic, or just hitting peri-menopause and realising I need to be better at setting boundaries. Either way, although I have moments where I reminisce about hopeful past me, I think I am a better person for the journey. I still have hope, it just lands differently.

I spent time focusing on re-connection

Having said that my world had grown fairly small over the past 5 years, and my social circle really limited to those who I knew love all the sides of me, I’m fortunate in my pre-pandemic life to have had a wide circle of lovely people who occupied all kinds of different hobby/interest spaces. All of whom challenged me, cheered me, and helped me grow as a human being. It felt important to saunter back into those spaces, especially as they would be useful in discovering the new me.

I did things that are probably normal for most of you reading. I went out for drinks. I met people for dinner. I even returned to conventions and shared spaces, which have been triggering for me having spent so much time avoiding crowds for the last several years. I remembered that, although these activities and spaces can make me feel anxious at times, the pay off is so very worth it. I’m not sure I will be returning to hosting afternoon tea for 30+ people any time soon, but I’m certainly up for small group activities and have committed to not defaulting to no or an excuse. I also discovered that many lovely people had kept a door open for me to return, and that was a really meaningful thing to discover.

I returned to some pre-pandemic activities

On the back of this re-connection, I also went back to some of the activities that I used to take for granted pre-pandemic. I went to a literary festival, I went to science events, and I even returned to a gaming convention. These events reminded me of how much joy I find in learning, being intellectually curious and exploring. They reminded me of why I became a scientist in the first place, because even when not science related they reminded me of the joy of being inspired by others.

Being at a gaming convention was both so much scarier, and so much more fun than I remembered. It was lovely to take off my head, my identity, my thought processes, and step into those of someone else. I played a modern day police office in the Rivers of London universe, a teenage aristocrat in musketeers France, and a political leader in 1930s Europe. I dealt with murders, magic, and revolution, and not a single virus or infection was in sight. The experience reminded me that it was OK to prioritise both breaks and escapism, and of the benefits they can lead to in terms of reflection and re-fuelling.

I gave myself permission to feel

Speaking of gaming, it’s a great sandbox to explore emotions and feelings in response to stimuli for you character. It’s a safe space and time limited, so anything you dive into can be dropped at any point, and you will move onto a new character in 4 hours anyway. Life isn’t quite like that and exploring emotions, be they positive or negative, can take its toll. In 2025 I specifically gave myself permission to feel. To stop saying ‘I’m fine’ to those close friends and family who I know would be there come what may.

Sometimes the best way forward is through, and I found that being in responsive mode for so long at work had meant I had stopped processing a lot of the emotional side of what had gone on. I’m normally pretty optimistic and I know that things will be fine, but in 2025 I gave myself permission to acknowledge that the route to fine sometimes sucks, and that that is OK. I reminded myself that it’s OK to just acknowledge the moment and have a good weep, before getting it together and moving on.

BTW it appears that Taylor Swift songs are my favourite weeping companions, for both sad and happy tears, according to Spotify in 2025.

I started to try and look forward

Acknowledging that I have work to do in my emotional processing also enabled me to start to look forward, rather than being stuck in a loop. It enabled me to think about what I want, and where I want to be. What fuels me rather than draining me. I am fortunate enough to have the most amazing husband who will always pick me up, dust me off, and put me back together. So these considerations were mostly work related.

I know it’s a shocker, at least it was a surprise to me, but I’m getting older. I turned 46 this year, which is no age, but as I’m planning to retire and explore new directions at 55 that is an ever shrinking time period to make change and have impact. Don’t worry, this blog, my writing, public engagement and microbiology are going nowhere. I still want to work post NHS retirement, but maybe not the 12 hour days that add to my current exhaustion.

A dear colleague passed away just before Christmas and that brought this message home to me even more strongly.  We can often approach all aspects of our lives as if we have all the time in the world. The reality is that that is never true, and a lot less of it is in our control than we believe. So, I’m giving some time to thinking what is on my list to accomplish and trying to make sure that it doesn’t just drift because of competing demands. This is a newer focus, but one that will definitely continue in 2026.

I expended effort in trying to find my joy

This has all sounded a bit bleak but the truth about authenticity is that includes sharing all aspects of the truth. even those that are not full of pep. The reality is not as bleak as all that, by doing this hard work I have been able to find true unadulterated joy in a number of moments in 2025. Joy I haven’t been able to feel for a long time. Joy so strong that it made me cry happy tears. Joy so real it reminded me why it is important to connect and follow your passions.

The move from survival mode into engaging with life has not been an easy one. There is still a lot of work to be done, and space for recovery needed. The joy however reminds me of why all of that work is worth it, and at a time when working within the NHS can feel even more challenging than during the pandemic, that joy is needed. So give yourself the gift of compassion you would give others. Offer yourself the space you need to heal, and then be brave about stepping into the world as the new (possibly wiser) version of you. I hope the rest of 2025 is kind to you, and that you too will be able to find joy as we enter 2026.

All opinions in this blog are my own

If you are finding this time of year difficult, and you are in the UK, here are some contact details that I hope may help. No one should need to struggle on their own:

Finding the Positives: Ten reasons why I am still grateful, even for the bad days

girlymicro General, Leadership , , , , , , , ,

I got a cab this yesterday, and I said good morning and asked how the driver was doing, as I always do when I grab a cab. They looked at me and said ‘you are a happy person, so many of my rides are not’. This really got me thinking about happiness and outlook. Life is challenging for a lot of us right now. The world is a scary place. A lot of the rules that we thought existed to manage how society works are being challenged, and for those of us who work in the NHS the job feels harder than it’s ever been. It is easy to fall into what Mr Girlymicro and I describe as the pit of despair. Some days, the only thing we can control is what that pit looks like. Can you line it with pillows, blankets and Darjeeling tea, to make it manageable until you find the ladder out? On days where I find myself within the pit I try to focus on what positives I can i.e. find my pillows, and use what comfort there is to ride the wave. Here are a few of my reflections from my recent pit time about my things to be grateful for, even on bad days in case anyone else is finding it hard right now.

Allows people to show you who they are

I like to think that I approach everyone with the same baseline attitude of trust and optimism. There have been a few times in my career where this may have been an approach that ended up costing me, either emotionally or professionally. I’ve made an active decision that this is how I want to continue however, as I don’t want to be someone who is forced into a cynical existence. I want to continue to think the best of everyone and their intentions.

If I then get caught out because of this ‘glass is half full’ approach I think there are still positives, even if it can come with a cost. It may not always feel like it but knowing who people are is a gift. Seeing the person behind the mask enables you to know what really motivates their behaviour, which only makes you more empowered to interact with them in the future. In this one, reality, no matter how painful, is better than existing in your previous delusion. That said, someone told me once ‘when someone shows us they are believe them the first time’. So I now try to face up to my new reality on first exposure rather than getting stuck in a loop of second chances.

Aids with learning more about who you are

When your back is against the wall, when resources are limited or you are in a place where every interaction feels like a battle, it’s tiring, it’s draining and boy is it depressing. Part of survival in these circumstances is choosing your battles, and often doing a lot of thinking about how to manage yourself within that space. If you’re like me, there will also be a lot of questioning about how you ended up in that difficult spot. All of this can feel a bit like self flagellation in the moment, but it actually fulfils an important purpose, and it’s not just about survival. All of this strategising and reflection is an essential part of learning.

The learning, for me, is always about which decisions did I make that led me to this place, and how can I make better choices and see red flags when I have previously missed them. When making decisions about which battles to go into, what do those choices say about my priorities and the things I value? How can I use this self knowledge better? The big one though, is also what was/is my role in where I’ve found myself. The ugly and oft unwanted truth is that I have always played a role, so where was I the protagonist is the piece? Where is my learning about how to be better? A better person? A better colleague? A better scientist? Learning is a gift and we should take it where we can find it.

Motivates you to channel creativity

You may not be able to control the external forces that feel like they are whipping your existence into a hurricane, but you can control some of your responses to them. Now, I’m an emotional person, and in my hurricane I often feel like Dorothy in her house as it’s flying to Oz. For me, I need to find a way to ground myself and my thinking. I need an outlet and something that I can focus on to stop my mind from running wild. During these times I have so many thoughts but also moments of inspiration.

If I were a more creative person I suspect I would paint or write poetry. It will surprise none of you though to find that instead I tend to list possible future blog titles based around what I’m processing. If a particular ideas seizes me I will just sit and write the whole thing but often it’s about capturing the moment in the form of titles. I know that 2024 and 2025 have been hard times by the fact that I have over 300 blogs in some level of draft. Some of those will get collated, some of them will go nowhere, and some of them will keep me busy writing for the next several years. Looking back on these titles shows me that positive things can come out of difficult times, and helps me process where I’ve been, where I am now, and where I’d like to get to.

Provides you with moments to practice responses

It’s not just practical skills where practice makes perfect, it’s also valid for our coping responses and communication skills. This can be anything from saying no or setting boundaries, to skills that help you manage emotional overwhelm or anxiety. No one wants to find themselves in difficult times or managing difficult relationships, but I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who hasn’t gone through periods of challenge in their lives, so the sooner we get better at some of these responses the better we will manage when the bad times hit.

That said, you don’t want to be doing the self reflection or learning needed to identify what responses might help you when you are in the midst of things. It’s probably best to do your thinking in calmer times, and use the moments of trouble to practice applying them. I don’t want anyone to have enough of these moments to excel at the application piece, but the reality is you will hit difficult times and so having them as part of your toolbox can only help.

Helps you learn who your trusted friends are

I have a small number, and I mean below 10, of people in my life I trust with all of me. The people I trust to give me the difficult truth and help me through managing my response. The people I know who are always there to support and don’t have an agenda, or want anything from me for being in my life. When I was younger, like many of us, I thought it was nice to be popular, to have a long list of people I thought of as friends. It’s taken me time to realise that I have friends, and then I have the people I can call at the darkest and worst times in my life who would catch a flight to wherever I was and just give me a hug if that was what I needed. The people who would answer the phone if I needed them to at 3am and just listen to me cry it out. I am so grateful for these people, but you often only work out who’s who during the dark times.

Gives you an opportunity to review priorities

It is very easy to get into a vibe and just carry on down a pathway that you set your mind to without ever taking the time to review. This is especially true for healthcare careers, where you decide in your early 20’s the pathway of professional and educational development you will follow for the next 20 years. As you are going through difficult times and learning who you are however, it is also a good time to decide whether this is what you want any more? Is it worth the challenge? Is it worth the fight? Is it worth the energy you are putting in to keep going? Every time I’ve been through this exercise the answer has come back yes to the general sense of direction. I have come to a different conclusion about different components of the whole though.  I’ve quit committees and other commitments, where the answer has come back as no. All to enable me to put more time and energy into the things have come back as yes. Not everything works at every phase, and so bad times give you an opportunity to drop those things that no longer serve your inner purpose.

Makes you focus on what is important

Dropping things leads me onto my next thought. Once you have reviewed yourself and your priorities the next question I ask myself is ‘what do I need to survive this?’. What are the important keystones of your life that you can focus on in order to ride out what is going on.  Sometimes what you need are big things and big changes. Sometimes the thing you need is just something that will get you through the moment of struggle. For example, there are days where what I need more than anything in the world is to lie on my sofa with the lights out, the patios doors open, and to just listen and watch while the rain pours. It’s been something that calms my soul since childhood, where I would gather a duvet and sit on a swing wrapped up and warm while the rain fell all around me. It depends on the situation and the moment.

My responses to the hard moments have a tendency, in general, to be more insular. Some people, in these difficult circumstances, become extraverted and focus on spending time with people, be it for distraction or support. I tend to want to  reduce my exposure to the outside world and outside stimulus, and retreat to my safe space, being at home in my castle with Mr Girlymicro. I want to pull up the drawbridge and immerse myself in things that will distract my mind, like movies and games, or calm my soul, until I’m forced to re-engage with the outside. There’s a lot to be said for understanding yourself enough to know what aids you when the world feels like it is crumbling around you. These moments can remind you of what you value, and the self care that you perhaps should have been doing more of.

Aids in future planning

I talked earlier about how being conscious of the decisions and things you prioritise during hard times in order to learn more about yourself, but I think it also goes beyond that. Bad times can provide moments where you can thoroughly review your life and start to refresh your thinking about who and where you want to be when you come out the other side. When the world is so shaken you lose your centre, it’s an opportunity to find a new balance that will enable you to strike out in a new direction when the clouds do eventually clear.

I often struggle to live in the moment. Even more so when I don’t like the moment that I am in. In order to escape the reality of where I’m at I will play with dreaming of different futures, like some people imagine outfits I imagine where I could be. If I find one that speaks to me I think ‘what do I need to find my route forward?’ ‘What could lead me there?’ Obviously a lot of this is just release via dreaming, but sometimes things stick and it can change how I plan my next steps. This is how I decided on writing a pathology murder mystery series when I retire, and how I’m even taking steps now to prepare for that aspiration as I pootle along in my everyday life. Using this method to review and map your ambitions can be a helpful use of your time, not just an escape.

Reminds you of what you are grateful for

As dear Taylor says ‘If you never bleed you’re never gonna grow.’  Growth is hard and sometimes unwelcome, but if we want to be better it is inevitably something that needs to happen. That said, we need something to get us through, and if I had to sum it up, that thing is gratitude. It’s remembering through the maelstrom who we are and what we value. Different people are grateful for different things but, for me, in terms of the big stuff, it always comes down to family.  My family by blood, and my chosen family. Both of whom will be with me no matter what.

As for the smaller and everyday, during the pandemic friends of mine went out of their way to send me little gifts.  A teacup to have my favourite tea in. A bottle of gin or champagne so I could enjoy what little down time I got. Many of those items sit on my dresser in the kitchen and remind me to be grateful. It’s often not the large gestures that stay with us, but the small things that remind us we are in peoples thoughts. The moments that remind us that we are seen by others, so we don’t succumb to feeling invisible in our gloom. Whatever you are grateful for though, make sure you pay it forward when you can, so your things can sit in someone else’s kitchen and remind them they matter.

Helps make you ready for what comes next

I wanted to finish with a reminder that getting through the hard times prepares us for the future. If you take on the learning, about yourself and others, you will walk out of that storm a better, more prepared person than when you entered it. There will be a future that will be brighter because of the darkness you’ve lived through it. That doesn’t make what you are experiencing right now better, it doesn’t make it fair, but sadly life is like that. What it enables you to end up being is a more defined version of yourself. A person who knows who you are and what you want. Hopefully a person who is able to go after those things. It can also help you to be a person who now knows what you don’t want, and what you are prepared to let go of carrying in order to improve your life. That too is a different kind of bonus.

When I’m deep in the darkness I tell myself if I can find my ‘second star to the right, and just keep on till morning’ I too will find my way out of the storm and end up where I want to be.

All opinions in this blog are my own

Celebrating The People That Make It Worthwhile: Taking a moment to appreciate the positive people in our lives

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Being present on social media or even listening to the news right now can be hard and take me into a pretty dark head space. It’s easy to write negative posts as a result of this head space and to give energy to the people or situations that make life challenging, or who make us feel badly about ourselves. Those people get to spend enough free time in my mind, however, without me giving them more air time or more of my energy than they already have. So, in the spirit of active rebellion, let’s turn the world around and talk about the people who do deserve the energy and recognition. The ones who give liberally, support unconditionally, and act as the cheer leaders that we all need in our daily lives to just get through the week. Let’s focus on the good rather than being drawn into the dark.

Thank you to the people who catch us when we spiral

We all know that I have a strong tendency to spiral, especially linked to event triggered anxiety. I’ve written about it before. I wanted to take a moment to thank those people out there who recognise and actually help flag to me when I’m spiralling, as sometimes it can take me some time to even notice the deterioration in my thinking. Just recognising that you have fallen into that head space can be challenging, but recognition is the first step in managing and exiting the spiral.

The second reason having ‘spiral friends’ is super helpful is that I have a very very small list of friends who I can call (and they can call me) and say ‘I’m in a spiral’. We then support each other by talking through the source of the anxiety, the validity of the anxiety, and if there are any actions that are valid/required. People who take time out to talk through and validate responses when needed and dispel irrational thinking as required, give the greatest gift in terms of time and support.

To the people who listen to the repetitive statements until we’ve worked through our process

I not only have a tendency to spiral, but to sometimes get stuck in my thinking. When I’m fixated on something, I can be one of the most annoying people in the world to be around. Becoming hyper focussed is one of my greatest gifts, as it means that I can just sit down and write 5000 words or focus for hours at a time. It’s also one of my greatest curses, as when that fixation falls onto something that I have no control over or is more of an emotional block, it can be really challenging to stop that focus becoming an unhelpful fixation.

When I fixate on something I just can’t let it go. I have to process my way through it. Sadly for those around me that processing tends to take the form of a very repetitive conversation cycle, whilst I try to talk my way through the weeds I have gotten caught up by. This means, for Mr and mummy Girlymicro, and my besties, they get stuck also having to have these conversations with me. On repeat. I do eventually get to the point where I come out the other end, but I know it would be easier for everyone around me if I could just put it in a box and move on without the thorough exploration this process requires. So thank you for your patience and generosity with your time, I know you all have other things to do and I owe you a lot of champagne in return.

To those who love us, not grudgingly, but because they truly accept our imperfections

Having just read the last two paragraphs it should come as no shock at all that I am far from perfect. I annoy myself sometimes, let alone anyone else. The thing is, I have some people in my world that truly love me. They don’t love me despite my flaws. They love me because of them. They love all I am, despite how challenging that person can be. Knowing that is the most empowering thing I can wish for someone. It makes me feel safe enough to express and face my fears. It empowers me to share my failures, challenges and learning, through things like this blog. It is my greatest hope for all of you that you also find your people who make you feel this way, whether they are your family by blood or by choice. These people enable us to be the best versions of ourselves, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

Shout out to those who truly embrace difference as a positive

Humanity is tribal. Most primates are. That means that we can have a tendency to like people who act like us and hold similar values. The thing is, our diversity and difference is what makes us stronger, and should be something that is embraced rather than suffered. As someone who holds a rather weird and wonderful mind, that may not process and see the world in the same way as others, I sometimes really feel how I am seen at ‘other’. I often just don’t fit in and, even more than that, I frequently want to walk a path that is not valued or trodden by others. There are people out there, who rather than being baffled or thrown by this approach, fully embrace it and what this difference offers. Instead of trying to make me fit into a box that doesn’t feel comfortable, they support and encourage the risk taking that is required to walk my own path. They do not find my difference a challenge or a threat, but an inspiration and a positive trait. They see value in me as me, and that is not so common. These people are the ones that have the ability to change the world by expanding acceptance and re-defining normal. We need to find them, honour them and celebrate their vision.

Thank you to those who remind of our strengths rather than focusing on our flaws

Part of learning and growing as an individual is having the self reflection to understand our flaws as well as our strengths. It’s easy to lose perspective, as our area of change is often linked to the things we want to fix, to the extent that out flaws loom large and we forget about the strength side of the equation. Many of us are perfectionists who struggle to come to terms with the fact that we are, and always will be, a work in progress. It is also easy, therefore, to lose sight of how far we’ve come and to just see how far we have yet to go. So, this one is a shout out to the people who help us re-focus, and bring back into perspective all that is positive about ourselves. The ones who help us bench mark that, actually, we’re doing OK.

To those people who will hold us while we cry it out

I wear my heart on my sleeve, I always have. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve felt judged for this and when I’ve received comments such as ‘you’re too emotional to be a leader’ or other judgements that indicate you cannot be emotionally expressive and be good at your job. Comments that indicate empathy or emotional intelligence may actually be a risk rather than something to be developed. For a long time this meant that I tried not to fully engage or bring that part of myself to my working life, to try to be more remote and not express how I was feeling. Now, I’m not saying we should scream and shout, but I do think that I am a rounded individual who is not a robot, and neither are the people I work with. Therefore, to be my authentic self I need to acknowledge that I come with feelings, beliefs and biases, which need to be noted and managed, but also make me a better human being if handled appropriately.

Outside of work especially, I’m such a crier. I weep at movies, I cry with both sadness and joy, and don’t get me started on my behaviour at weddings. I am so grateful to have friends and family who allow me to safely experience all the peaks and troughs of these emotions, and know that a box of tissues or three may be required if we are going to Les Misérables.

I am beyond grateful to those who give us courage to be the true versions of ourselves

Speaking of my emotional side brings me onto authenticity. When I started my job I wouldn’t talk about being a gamer. I wouldn’t talk about movies, or other things that interested me, as people would comment ‘geek’ and roll their eyes. Over the years since I’ve realised how important it is to fully show up, and to bring my whole self to spaces, especially when in a leadership role. If I don’t lead the way, how can I expect others to. It’s not always easy however. Sometimes the comments cut deeper when they are made at our authentic selves rather than at a protective shell. It can be easier for others to try and bring us down when we offer so much of ourselves as a target. There are definitely times when I just want to retreat into my shell and take the easy road.

Even when writing these blog posts, there are times when it would be easier to hide from some of the challenges, especially when there are comments made linked to my choices. I stand by those choices however, I stand by sharing the highs and the lows, and by showing my flaws as well as my strengths. It takes courage some days. Some days more than I have available. So I want to say how grateful I am to those of you who lend me courage on days when I lack it. I look back on the many of the positive comments on this blog when I start to doubt myself, and use them to give me clarity and strength to move forward when it might be easier not to.

No matter how hard it gets, if you can find these people in your life it’s worth fighting for

It took me a long time to feel (mostly) comfortable in my own skin, and so much of that progress has been due to me finding the people in my life who told me that it was OK to be me. I’m fortunate to have a great family by blood, but I also have key members who are my family by choice. No matter where you find them, treasure them. In these difficult times, when the world can feel like you could be swallowed by quick sand any second, use them to anchor you. Use them to reflect. Ask, will this matter in 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months or 6 years? Use them to help gain the perspective you need to pull yourself up and get out there to fight the good fight and stand up for what’s right. Just don’t forget to also thank them for the amazing role they have in your world and pay it forward so you can be that same person for others. The world is always darkest before the dawn, so lets get through this time together.

All opinions in this blog are my own

A Shout Out to My Girls: This one is for all the women that support others & see them as inspiration not competition

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I was fortunate enough to be asked to record a podcast last week with the absolutely awesome Betty Adamou for her series Tales of Female Badassery.  Just as we were prepping to record I was struck with a moment of panic.  I didn’t know whether I was a Badass.  I didn’t know if I’d every done anything that would make me a Badass.  I called one my girls in a state of panic, she responded with ‘don’t be so ridiculous, you’re not only a badass, you’re one of the most badass people I know’.

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It got me to thinking. I am super fortunate to be really close to my family and to have the wonderful Mr Girlymicro as my constant companion. In more recent years I have, however, also become aware of how wonderful it is to have a small tight knit group of women in my life. These are the people who understand if I don’t call them for months. The ones who know me well enough to know when to challenge and when to comfort. The ones who I can sit and watch bad movies with in pyjamas and who would never judge me for the state of my house. Some of them I have known for decades, others more like 5 years, but time doesn’t really matter.  They are my girls. They get me, and this post is dedicated to them and why you should consider finding your own equivalents.

Constructive challenge

Not everyone has a Mr Girlymicro in their lives and to be honest we all need someone to call us on our BS sometimes. Having a small cicle that you trust completely, which have the ability to stop you in your tracks when you’re going down a cognitive rabbit hole is so valuable.

I suspect we’ve all been there, sounded off about X or Y, when suddenly someone trusts calls us out on what we are doing that could trigger that behaviour, or pushes us to understand why we are so triggered. This calling out opens up a whole new vehicle to understanding or route for a response that would not have been available to us otherwise.

In my case, my girls often join forces with Mr and mummy Girlymicro in asking me why? Why have I decided to take on yet another thing? Why do I think it’s needed? What extra will it add? What will I drop to enable me to take on the shiny new? What does it mean for them? Will they see even less of me now? Will I be even more distracted and do even less at home? These conversations can lead to me walking back commitments,  or at least force me to articulate my thought process and gain a better understanding of where I actually am with my workload.

Unconditional support

The reason that constructive challenge can happen is because I know these guys are 100% on my side. They are unwavering. They know all the bad in me and choose me anyway. They can, therefore, be brutal about the truth when needed, as they are also around for the rebuilding that is sometimes required after being faced with a harsh truth.

This also means that I hear what they say. If they tell me someone is out of line and validate my feelings, I hear it more because I also know they would tell me if the opposite was true and I was the one who’d acted badly. To me, unconditional support isn’t about just giving me what I want to hear. It’s giving me what I need to hear in terms of the truth/reality check. They tell me both that I’m not superwoman, but also that I’m a god damn queen who can achieve anything she puts her mind to. Just not simultaneously.

Shared experiences

Not through any deliberate endeavour,  but just because of how life has worked out, my girls all happen to be kick ass women who either work in STEM (science, technology, engineering and maths) or are STEM qualified. In fact, they are all coincidentally PhD qualified. I didn’t meet them all through science however. For instance, Diane, I met my first day at uni and has been keeping me sane for over 20 years. Claire (known as Dr Claire, as she was the first Claire with a PhD) I met because she was dating a friend of my future husband, the boyfriend exited the picture and we stayed friends. Claire (Captain Claire, due to our shared appreciation of Captain Jean Luc Picard) and I met over several bottles of wine when we were both doing our PhDs and have continued on the wine trajectory ever since. This means we have both a bunch of shared and different experiences.

Our shared experiences, linked to being women in science, mean that they can sometimes help me see challenges coming in a way I wouldn’t have anticipated.  They  can also share what did and did not work for them when they encountered something similar.  We can, on occasion, also just rage about the injustice of it all in a way that enables us to put our feelings in a box and carry on regardless.

A different view of the world

I have some wonderful women in my world who I count as dear friends but whom I still work with. These wonderful women are often my go-to for support and guidance as they are emersed in my world. The difference between them and this group of girls is that we don’t work together, and have never worked together in the same department. This means that we took different paths through both work and life. We don’t just reinforce each others perceptions and bias therefore through having pre-established knowledge of the other people in each others lives or work. We have a bunch of shared experiences, but a lot of our progress has led us to very different places. Some of us have kids, some don’t, some of us still work academically or in science, some don’t.  This breadth of experiences mean that they can sometimes offer a very different view to mine. They can point out nuance I would have missed or when my previous experience is biasing me to a current situation.

We also have very different ideas of what constitutes a good time. I’m a book, fire, sofa and afternoon tea kind of girl. Whereas the Claires would way prefer to be with their animals (chickens, wallabies, etc) and Diane would happily be walking through the Scottish countryside.  This is also helpful. It has always pushed me to try things I wouldn’t have. Once it pushed me to try camping. This was a mistake. Camping was a step too far. They love me anyway.

Parachute provision

I’ve written before about my tendency to shame spiral. I’m not alone. Captain Claire and I are known to call each other up mid shame spiral and offer each other a parachute outta there. We talk through what we’ve done, talk through the possible consequences, and how we might act or handle things differently next time, in a space of acceptance without judgement. It’s this last piece that is key. We’re not trying to ‘fix’ each other, just support each other by providing a safe space for verbal reflection and to articulate our fears, whether rational or not. From my perspective, this often permits an early exit from the spiral combined with some centering and learning. What more could a girl ask for?

Sometimes, we all cry

That same space of zero judgement is also important as it provides a space where you have licence to just feel. Sometimes, I have to ride the wave of emotions to process them and get through to the other side. It’s no secret to the readers of this blog that there have been some tough times in the last few years. Having a space where you can just have freedom to express that you are angry or upset by the state of the world or the way you have been treated professionally is so special. I have this with Mr and mummy Girlymicro as well, but it helps them to be able to share the load, especially when things can go through intense periods. Sometimes, I just need to cry and say that things are unfair, and then I get it out of my system and find the emotional band width to remember my why and can get back on with the fight.

Borrowed courage

When I phoned up Dr Claire and declared ‘I’m just not a badass’, her first response of ‘hell yes you are’ gave me courage. It made me brave enough to go ahead and record something I was hesitant about. This is what my girls do. They loan me courage when mine fails me. When my imposter syndrome or my fear tells me I can’t, they are always there to tell me I can.  When I receive awards or recognition and I ask ‘why me’, they respond ‘because’. They see me when I cannot see myself. They will tell me to ignore the fear and just get on with it. They will challenge me when I’m avoiding things because I’m not brave enough and loan me the courage I need to do what is needed. When required, they bring out the bad ass warrior in me.

Courageous authenticity

The validation I am lucky enough to receive from my family and my girls is important for another reason. They make me feel like it’s OK for me to be myself, not some projected version of myself. I’m pretty open in this blog about who I am, how I feel, and how I respond to challenges. I’m also (I hope) pretty honest about my personal flaws and areas that I’m trying to grow and improve around. This blog wouldn’t be possible without having people around who not only validate that that message is OK, but that it is actually important and helpful to talk about these things.

There are days for all of us where we can’t love ourselves. Days where all we can see are our flaws and none of our strengths. Days when we compare and we just don’t stack up. Having people in your world who also see and acknowledge these weaknesses, love you anyway, and tell you you have value even in their presence is one of the greatest gifts we can receive from another person. It enables you to still be who you are even when that may be the last thing you want to be. To continue to work on being unapologetically authentically you.

Mutual appreciation society

One of the best things about these relationships is that they are bi-directional. Most of the time, when one of us is having a bad time, the other is doing OK and can be there to lift the other up. On the occasions where we are both just going through it, then a shared pit of despair can still provide comfort. (We’ve decked ours our with pillows, blankets, and everything). I think these ladies rock it. I trust them completely. I trust them to call me out and challenge me, which means when they validate my other feelings, I believe that too. I love them and consider myself blessed to have them in my life. I also hope that I am there for them as much as they are there for me.

My girls and I aren’t in competition with each other. We’re all on different paths. We value different things, and that’s not only OK but joyous! It doesn’t matter who is achieving what. It doesn’t matter if that’s getting the kids to school on time, or getting out of bed and just making it to work when we’re having a bad time and just wish to hide from the world. All of it is valid and worth celebrating. When they were having kids and I was finding it hard as I was still working through my own situation, they were always mindful but still knew that I was genuinely happy for them. One thing does not obliviate the other.

Distilled awesome

So, to end, I want to say thank you. Thank you to the women out there supporting other women. Thank you to the ladies who straighten my crown even when I don’t realise it’s crooked. Thank you to my girls, the one’s who I cry, scream and cheer with. You are distilled awesome and I will never be able to truly describe the difference you’ve made to my life and how grateful I am to have you on this journey with me. I may be absent for months, I may be a special kind of crazy, but know I am always here for you!

All opinions in this blog are my own