inspiration

I’m Still Learning After All These Years: My focus in 2025 is to continue my personal development journey

girlymicro General , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

It’s that time of year. The time when New Years resolutions get shared and we all try to persuade ourselves that overnight, if we just put in a bit more effort, we can change big facets of our lives. I’m becoming increasingly aware that the big gesture and external stuff is not really the space I want to be in, however. I’m fortunate to have ticked a lot of the external boxes at this point in my career, and so, in 2025, I want to focus on me and my development as a person rather than ticking another box linked to how people see me.

One of the reasons for this shift is the nature of the job, as it feels, in a post pandemic world, like I spend a lot of time in responsive mode. This becomes a habit and a way of being. Instead of running to keep up and fire fighting, however, I want to have time to experience the joy I feel when I’m learning and developing.  This is especially important as I think many of us who went through the pandemic as healthcare workers are still very much in recovery mode, and there’s a lot to still be worked through and resolved with little time to actually do so. So, rather than create a list of tasks to be measured against, my list this year is about aspirations linked to becoming. Becoming a better version of me, becoming more joyful, and re-finding some of that pre-pandemic me.

I want to have time to catch my breath

As I sit here on a Sunday afternoon, I realise how much I need time to chill and unwind at the moment. 2024 was full on, and there wasn’t a lot of respite. It feels, therefore, that I’m hitting 2025 already pretty wound up and in need of prioritising some time off the treadmill. Even at work, having just managed to get down from just under 18,000 emails to ~200 over the Christmas break, I realise I need to stop being in responsive mode and guard my time more efficiently. I need to carve out planning time, and in a more basic way, time to make tea, have lunch, or god forbid – leave on time. I’m aware of how much better I will be at my job if I can catch my breath, see through the fog and take time to develop a plan or creative approach to the problem, rather than jumping in or going for the most obvious approach. All in all, a different strategy will have all-around benefits, so I need to work better at finding a new way to manage my time.

I want to live in a positive space

I have a tendency to swing from optimism to ostriching, and whilst most of the time I’m a ‘glass is half full’ kind of girl, it sometimes takes more energy than I have at present to live in that positive space. In 2025, however, I want to have enough energy to expend to make it happen. I want to listen to the noise, criticism, and the negative inner voices less. I want to focus less on what I lack and more on what I have. It’s easy to constantly focus on our areas of required improvements instead of celebrating how far we’ve come and where our strengths lie. There is always a space to focus on improvement, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of recognising the work we’ve already done. This year, I don’t want to benchmark myself and my progress. I want to live in a space where I accept and celebrate the place I am at. For once in my professional life, I want to be satisfied with the boxes I have already ticked and live in the moment.

I want to see my ride or dies

One of the reasons I am keen to find additional spare time and not take on more is that I want to carve out more time for me. Selfishly, this is nothing to do with work, but for me as a person outside of my professional life. The main driver for this is that I spent most of 2024 in work mode, and I didn’t spend enough of it in life mode. I’ve written about how fortunate I am with some of my friends, but in 2024, I just didn’t carve out the time to spend with them. They are super cool, and would never hold it against me, but for the sake of my soul I want to spend time with the people who see me, flaws and all, and love me any way. The people who are my ‘stick by you no matter what’ friends inspire me and drive me to do better, and I will be better for prioritising spending time with them.

I want to re-find my confidence

To be honest, I don’t know if it’s being peri-menopausal, post pandemic burn out, or just work over load in general, but my confidence has definitely taken a hit. Don’t get my wrong. I’m still the same bolshie girl, but the tendency to spiral after the moment is hitting me hard. The creeping self doubt is present in a much more apparent way than it was before the pandemic. Part of me thinks it’s because I’ve been living in ‘Professor Cloutman-Green’ mode for so long rather than having enough time in my own skin as Elaine/Dream. Whatever the reason, I want to find that confident girl again. The girl who had plenty of self doubt but didn’t let that doubt overwhelm her or take over who she was. She’s still in there, but I suspect a break and a significant amount of napping will be required to persuade her to put in a more consistent appearance.

I want to create and be inspired

Some of the things I want to make time for are pretty straight forward. I want to have time to cook when I get home and enjoy doing so with Mr Girlymicro. Cooking is something we love to do together, but time restrictions in recent years have made everything a functional task rather than an enjoyable endeavour. I want to spend the weekend drinking pots of the many different types of tea we have and languidly enjoying each others company, rather than having anxiety about the list of tasks I should be undertaking just to keep up distracting me from the moment.

A very specific thing I want to do with Mr and mummy Girlymicro in 2025 is to spend time visiting museums. Great museums, weird museums, museums that no one else visits. In 2023, we visited the Met in New York, and the joy and inspiration that filled my soul has stayed with me. In 2024, we managed a few stolen moments at the V&A, British Museum, and Natural History Museum, but I have to say I want more. London is filled with niche places to visit, and I want to wander with an open mind and just take in what speaks to me in the moment. This kind of activity is food for my soul, and I’m greedy for more. Also, if you have any recommendations, hit me up in the comments or DM/email me.

I want to invest in this blog

Being inspired helps me in many aspects of my life, but one of the biggest ones is the number of ideas I get for this blog when I’m just out and about experiencing life, and not just in scientific contexts. Focusing that inspiration into a creative endeavour like this blog then leads to even more fulfilment and joy. I know I’ve been talking for a couple of years now about developing a book out of this blog, and I’m not promising it will happen in 2025, but I want to take some serious steps in moving it forward if I can. At its most basic, I want to feel like I have time to enjoy sitting down and writing rather than squeezing in stolen moments on the tube when already exhausted.

2024 delivered more reads than I could have dreamt possible, finishing the year with over 21,000 reads from over 120 countries. I can’t believe that something I thought would be seen by a handful of people is now read by so many. I want to build on that momentum. I know professional blog writers get those numbers in a month, but I’m returning here to my pledge to not bench marking against others and just to focus on measuring myself against myself to capture growth. So here is to improving year on year and to doing more of what brings us joy!

I just want more

I know it sounds greedy, but I’m not embarrassed to say it, I want more. I want to sleep, and drink tea. I want cocktails and time spent with friends. I want more cozy rainy afternoons under a blanket and getting back to reading real books, rather than only having the focus to listen to audio books. I want Sunday afternoon walks with Mr Girlymicro, talking about nothing and feeding the ducks. I want to laugh so much my chest hurts and smile so much my face aches. I want to make time for the parts of myself that aren’t linked to work and outputs and re-train my brain to not measure myself against the ‘busyness scale’. I am not the sum of what I produce and I must learn not to measure myself as such. I am so much more, and in 2025, I am OK for it to be the year of greedily wanting more and giving myself permission to need.

I need to catastrophise less

At times of high stress, and let’s be honest I feel like it’s been high stress since 2020, my brain manages that stress by running scenarios. In many ways, it is not a bad way of managing my existence. Good, bad, disaster outcomes, all run wild in my brain. The main challenge over the last few years is that that scenario running has tended more and more to the disaster scenarios taking up my bandwidth. This can make the world feel darker and more challenging than it probably is, especially if it is compared with a more objective mindset. In 2025, it’s time to put on my positive pants and try to utilise the tools I have in a more balanced way in order to not create stress and drama where no such situation exists.

I need to step off the carousel

Catastrophising means that, by it’s very nature, I’m not living in the positive space I’d like to habit. Worse than that though, it can lead to spiralling, leading to negative rabbit holes that aren’t even linked to the original trigger. I’ve posted before on what this can look like for me. This isn’t good in the moment, but it also tends to result in a lack of sleep, as this is a frequent 3am affair, and thus impact on my general well-being. Everything becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, as the tireder I get, the less perspective I have, the more likely I am to spiral, and therefore, get less sleep. In 2025, I want to step off both the carousel that leaves me so tired that the spirals happen in the first place, and also to step off the spirals earlier when they hit. For me, it’s focusing on using what serves me rather than being a passenger in the moment.

I need to take better physical care of myself

All of this brings me onto the fact that I just need to take better care of myself physically, as well as mentally. So much of my underlying health has suffered since the pandemic, and I have not allowed myself the recovery time that is required to really fix that. In 2025, I need more of option three in the pic below and way less of 4. I need to be more than intellectually active. I also need to find time to eat and drink in my work day. I often fail to help myself by forgetting or getting too busy to do the simple things, like taking meds. The reality is, I don’t have anyone to blame but myself, and I need to look after myself in the way that I would expect of others. It’s a simple thing, and I need to stop making life so complicated that it doesn’t happen.

I need to not make New Years Resolutions

Finally, and this is a big one for me. None of these things are New Years Resolutions. At best, I am saying that these are aspirations. I refuse to make a list that just adds yet more pressure to my every day life. I am a work in progress, and it is more than naive of me to think that I will wake up in a New Year and change who I am. I feel my habits make me more like the Titanic than a super yacht, and so any change in direction to avoid the icebergs takes time. 2025 is about self-love based on acceptance post self reflection and understanding that changing the dial is a choice that will need to be made daily. Starting the year by ignoring the noise of everyone elses’ proclamations and purely staying in my lane, whilst focused on what serves me, I think is a great way to kick off the year. I know some people find the resolution bit helpful, but I, for one, feel like celebrating the freedom I give myself by deciding not to comply with this particular tradition. Which ever way you decide works for you, I hope that 2025 brings you all of the joy and that you get what you need out of the next 12 months, and find the time to celebrate all that makes you you!

All opinions in this blog are my own

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Why I love the festive season and all that comes with it

girlymicro General, Leadership , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

For regular readers of this blog, the fact that I adore Christmas probably comes as no surprise. It contains everything I love, time with people I care about, movies, heaps of romance, and an excuse to indulge in lots of lovely food and drink. I’m not religious. I embrace the shamelessly commercial, and I dive right in. I make Christmas puddings the week after Halloween. My Christmas tree gets delivered on the last weekend in November, and from that point on I’m full blown carols and Christmas cheer for as long as I can get away with. So, in this, my last post before Christmas, I wanted to share all of the reasons why I love it and explain, even as someone who won’t be at church on Christmas Eve, all of the benefits I think the season can provide!

Time for reflection

Number one on my list (that’s definitely not hierarchical) is the fact that this time of year encourages me to spend some time on active reflection. I spend so much of my working life in responsive mode and fire fighting, that it can feel like I achieve nothing and go no where. When looking at what I need to close off before the end of 2024, I am also trying to take some time to actively reflect. What did I actually achieve? What went well? What have I learnt, especially from the things that didn’t go so well? What do I want to take with me in terms of life lessons and priorities into 2025? Almost more important, what do I need to let go off? What baggage am I leaving in 2024 in order to leave me with room for grow moving forward? This is the time when I review what’s happened, take both the learning and the good, and leave the rest in the frozen tundra so it doesn’t start to define me or weigh me down.

Time to review progress

As the nights draw in, I, like most of us, desperately try to close off some of my outstanding work list. I am, therefore, almost forced to give some of my focus into what that list will look like going into the next year. The thing that I’ve tried to do is to review whether things that are going to roll into 2025 are a) still needed or b) still serve me in my direction of travel. There are always going to be jobs that are still needed and not optional (so many apologies for not getting these done in 2024), but there are other goals, such as writing an environmental IPC textbook, were worthy of review to see if they were still something I wanted. If you are wondering the answer is yes to both the textbook and the book of this blog, both of which fell by the wayside due to limitations in capacity in 2024. I refer to this period of activity as my Christmas mental cleansing, and I find it both a helpful and comforting process that can be undertaken under a blanket with a warm cup of tea. This is also the time where I make an active choice to celebrate my successes and forgive myself for everything else.

Time for joy

Another of my favourite things at this time of year is to give myself permission to make time for joy. It’s probably no surprise to anyone that my life is pretty work heavy and there isn’t a lot of space for downtime. At this time of year I have a list of things that bring me joy that I actively schedule in and am determined to find time for. Christmas movies make up a lot of this. Watching a Muppet Christmas Carol, either on Christmas Eve or when decorating the tree. Sobbing to Love Actually and Serendipity as I take a moment to remember happy times with my sister. Indulging in the delights of spending time with my husband whilst watching Die Hard, which is a Christmas movie, on Christmas Eve. Carols whilst cooking and sitting together to highlight the Christmas Radio Times. There is never enough time to do all that I would wish, but these stolen moments make my soul feel lighter and instil every day with an extra level of joy that means I value every single single hour in the run up to the main event.

Time to indulge

OK OK, I acknowledge we all need to be healthier. I’m aware that I do not ‘need’ another cocktail, piece of chocolate, or an extra roast potato, but I am a lover of all things food and sparkling, so what’s a girl to do. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t just indulge in edibles, I also indulge in Christmas experiences, like theatre shows and more shopping than is probably good for my bank balance. I usually don’t like crowds or areas with lots of people, Christmas is the exception. I love the buzz, the feel of the atmosphere and lights whilst carols play in the background. For me, even the provision of time to shop that isn’t time restricted and just has plenty of browsing time without any time pressure built in is an indulgence. It’s a time where I allow myself to prioritise enjoyment and experiences, not just tasks. For me it’s about, for a short while, experiencing the joy of living in the moment and what it feels like to live a life without a deadline.

Time for family

It shouldn’t count as an indulgence, but sadly sometimes I am aware that I can be so focused on work and task that I forget to make room for the most important thing in my world, my family. I’m aware that I am really fortunate to have such a great relationship with my family, but I also include here the family we have by choice, not just by blood. In general my family put up with a lot; lateness, lack of focus, even the odd missed event. At this time of the year, despite the fact that it should be all year, I really do try to ensure that my priorities are in order and that they come first. It’s one of the reasons that the indulgence part is important to me, as it also involves making room and time for those indulgences and experiences to be shared. To build new memories together and to celebrate both each other and each others company. I’ve lost too many people I love in recent years to not realise what a precious gift this is and would encourage us all to take the time to slow down and smell the poinsettia.

Time to remember

My sister and I felt the same way about Christmas. It was always important to us, as well as to mummy and Mr Girlymicro. So much so that when life at Christmas meant that we had too much on and couldn’t celebrate ‘Goosemas’ together we have been known to celebrate Christmas in September, or actually at many other times of year, when we could still get together and cook a goose in each others company. You see, fundamentally, it isn’t about the date for us, it’s about the company and the time spent together. Now she’s gone we keep my sisters memory alive by watching the movies we always used to watch together, like Serendipity. This one was so much a feature of our Christmas celebrations that when Mr Girlymicro and I got married, our wedding present from my sister was to spend 3 nights at the Waldorf Astoria in New York, purely so we could re-create the lift scene from the start of the film, and visit Serendipity 3. Unlike the couple in the movie, Mr Girlymicro and I both picked the same floor (our wedding date) and manage to move direct to our happy ever after. I cry buckets every time I watch these films, but making space to remember the loved ones we’ve lost along the way, and to remember the joy they brought, is an important part of my Christmas experience.

Time to take a break

One of the reasons that any of this is possible is because this is the time of year where I always prioritise taking a break. It feels easier to do as many people are doing the same, so the addition to the email mountain is never quite as much as when you are the only one fleeing with an out of office on. It is also important for me as I know that I am going to find the months from January to March really hard. I work in a windowless converted toilet cubicle as my office, I love it, but it means that in the darker months I barely see sunlight, and after a while it gets to influence my mood. Having this little bump of joy is the foundation I use to get me through till when the flowers start to bloom and my heart starts to lift again. It’s like I’m creating a festive battery to serve until that time.

Time to reconnect

The very act of having a period of days off, when other people are often more available, means that there is an opportunity to really reconnect with people. I have very patient friends and family. I am lucky to have people in my life who I may not see for months, or even years, and yet once we hear from each other it’s like no time has passed. These people are both precious and rare in life, and so I try to ensure that this is the time that I at least reach out, even if I can’t meet up as time is short and we are geographically far away. Time is the resource that I have least of, so using it at Christmas is actually the most valuable gift I can give.

Time to feel re-inspired

A side consequence of taking a break and doing some processing is that I genuinely always come out of this time so re-invigorated and inspired. I feel like I have permission to have conversations with others about what I still want to achieve, and these very conversations give my brain all kinds of ideas. It’s so nice to have time to bounce ideas around, and feel like you are truly having time to have dialogue, rather than the sometimes perfunctory task based thinking that is all there is normally time for. The excitement that comes from these conversations really does fuel me and these things can’t happen without space and connection, and so inspiration really is a gift I give myself at this time of year.

Time to show gratitude

It’s so easy to take people for granted. I do it all the time, even though I really don’t want to. Life is run at pace, and in that rush it is easy to believe we acknowledge and thank others more than we really do, and more than they may have time to hear. My life functions because of Mr Girlymicro. He makes untold sacrifices so that I have time to sit here on the sofa writing, rather than partaking in my share of chores. Mummy Girlymicro does not get the devoted daughter she deserves, as I’m always focusing on too many things at once. This is before you bring me onto colleagues, that cover so I can undertake teaching and research, or my other friends and family, who put up with cancellations either due to work or exhaustion. I owe so many thanks to so many people. They really do make my life a blessed existence. This time of year I hope that I shout my thank you’ s loud enough to be heard and recognised, and that I put down the laptop down for long enough that, for once, I am the one taking care of others, rather than the other way around. I also want to say thank you for reading this blog. It’s come to mean so much to me, and I know that everyone has so many other options about what to do with their time. So thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for commenting. Thank you for liking. Thank you for coming on this journey with me.

Time to look to the future

All of which brings me to my final point. The things this season provides enables me to lift myself up and look to the future. It enables me to do so free of the baggage that has built up in the previous 12 months. It lets me do so with a focus born of reflection as to what I want and what needs to be done. It grounds me in connection and means that I remember the core values that drive me. It supports me in entering 2025 in an inspired mindset, which acts as a spring board for everything else. So I will enter my future with optimism, a clear sense of direction and the certainty that I will not be travelling alone as I move forward.

Who doesn’t love a Christmas game!

Now, if as Mr Girlymicro has stated, that was a little motivational speaker, lets bring it back to the real spirit of Christmas, festive games!!! I, being a gamer, love a festive game and so here is a fun one to kick off your day.

All opinions in this blog are my own

I know that not everyone loves this time of year or finds it easy. Please don’t feel alone and reach out for any support you need to make it through the season.