I posted on LinkedIn a few weeks ago a call for anyone who wanted to try their hand at blog writing to contribute a guest blog to The Girlymicrobiologist. I’ve been lucky to have a few responses, and if you are reading this and interested in giving it a go then please email me on elaine@girlymicrobiologist.com. I really want to use the platform I have to give opportunities to others, as I have been fortunate enough to benefit from those opportunities myself. Writing a guest blog can be useful if you are putting together training portfolios, or just want to try and develop your writing style. So, if you’re interested send me a 300 word pitch about what you’d like to write a blog on and I’ll see whether it is something I can support you with. At the same time as putting out the call, I’ve reached out to some great friends and colleagues to see if they have anything they would think would help others, and this week I am lucky enough to share a guest blog from Professor Lena Ciric, Professor of Built Environment Microbiology at UCL Civil, Environmental and Geomatic Engineering.

Lena completed her first degree in Biological Sciences at the University of Oxford in 2000. She then went on to work as a research assistant at the NERC Centre for Ecology and Hydrology (CEH) in Oxford, where she also completed a CASE PhD Studentship hosted at Napier University Edinburgh investigating the bacterial community dynamics in diesel degrading groundwater consortia in 2006. Lena moved to the UCL Eastman Dental Institute in 2007 and worked on two EU funded postdoctoral projects investigating novel antimicrobials and antimicrobial resistance. Lena took up a permanent post at UCL CEGE in October 2012 and leads the Healthy Infrastructure Research Group there.

Lena and I have known and worked together for over a decade, we even made Professor together in the same year. We have shared both the highs, and lows, of academic life and grant funding. One of the things that has always inspired me about Lena is her ability to communicate, to talk through complicated or challenging topics from a place of authenticity. I am super privileged to be able to share this post from her today about the drivers that guide our approaches to work and life, and how things that can serve us in some stages of our lives end up causing us issues as life progresses. I hope her reflections help us as much as they have aided me.

Blog by Professor Lena Ciric

Last weekend I transitioned from my mid- to my late forties. I don’t feel any sort of way about it. Over the last few years, both work life and home life have presented me with some challenges, and I have been working hard to overcome these. I am much clearer on where I want to go, who I want to be and more accepting of who I am.

But getting to this place has not been easy and is very much a work in progress. A major obstacle that I have had to overcome in recent years has been learning how to ask for what I need from my colleagues. I have also had to stop shying away from difficult conversations.

But why were these obstacles there in the first place? I’ve done some soul searching and come up with some answers. These are numerous, complex and some go back many decades.

Looking at the past to understand the present

Firstly, I have never felt good enough. I am a child of socialism, born in Belgrade on the eve of the 80s, the only child of two university educated parents who were brough up in the post-war socialist state – one that prioritised education among other things. I was bright, worked hard and always did well in school. But my efforts were rarely acknowledged or rewarded. There was always a feeling that I could try harder and do better – that I was not good enough.

Secondly, I was taught from an early age that a woman should make her own money and not depend on anyone else. My mother, who had been a journalist, had to give up work when we moved to the Netherlands in the late 80s and then never worked again. Up until then, she had worked all her life and had always told me that a woman should have independent means. From an early age, I knew that I would have a career and that I would have to be ambitious.

Thirdly, I am a woman in a mostly male world. Or I certainly was. I had a natural talent for maths and the sciences. The STEM (science, technology, engineering and maths) subjects came easily to me and I enjoyed them, but I was conscious of the fact that I was often among a minority of girls in the class. This improved a little as I moved through university and my PhD. I am a life scientist by training, and the life and medical sciences tend to have more equal gender representation. Having said that, as one rises through the ranks of academia, the leadership roles are mostly populated by men, so while things have changed for the better, we still have a way to go.

Finally, in the early years of my research career, I learned that I am good at getting stuck in and working things out for myself. Practicing and trying again if things don’t work until they do. I learned not to depend too much on any one individual. My supervisors were often busy, and I did not get to see them very often, so I just had to get on with it and figure out my own way forward.

All the above have contributed to a belief that you can always do more and try harder and that you shouldn’t rely on others. And this belief stayed with me for a long time. Too long. I thought that if I needed something done, I would have to do it myself. It’s a philosophy that took me through my PhD, my postdocs and into my academic career first as a Lecturer and then an Associate Professor – through my 20s and 30s, and into the start of my 40s. It’s a philosophy that got me where I am now – a professor in one of the best universities in the UK, and in the world. But one that no longer serves me.

Nobody told me how the job would change

At some stage when I wasn’t looking, my job became less about doing things myself, and more about asking others to do things. My career had provided me with the skills and experience to be able to see the bigger picture and think more strategically. My job description had changed, but I was still doing what I had always done – trying to do it all myself.

To see the bigger picture and be strategic, you cannot be bogged down in the detail. You need bandwidth to step back, observe and reflect. You need headspace to appreciate what those you work with need from you. In academia, our jobs change as we rise through the ranks, but this is never explicitly acknowledged. Nor are we trained in how to make these adjustments. At some stage you go from doing it all yourself to asking others to do it for you, but nobody ever tells you how you make this transition.

I found myself in my mid-forties feeling uncomfortable in the place I had arrived – the place I had strived to be for decades. I was a fish out of water. I couldn’t do what I had always done – doing it all myself – because there was simply too much to do. But I was also uncomfortable with asking for help. Something had to give…

Never stop adapting and evolving

I had to learn to ask for help. And to anticipate when I would need it. I had to learn to resource my projects properly. I had to learn to relay on others – people who could do things that I couldn’t. And together, our whole was greater than the sum of its parts.

To get to this point, I have had to learn to ask for what I need and be explicit about my expectations. I have had to relinquish some responsibility and control. This was initially hard for me, but in the end, it has been liberating and beneficial for my colleagues.

I have also had to learn to tell colleagues when they are not meeting expectations. These conversations are uncomfortable for most of us, but without them, we miss out on the opportunity for growth – on both sides. And, from experience, I have found that they provide both sides with the opportunity to talk openly, listen, and find common ground. Leading to better relationships in the long run and a better understanding of each other as people.

Academia is a funny profession. Academics are, by our nature, competitive. We have had to compete to get funding, we have had to compete to publish our research. We are judged on these metrics. We are encouraged to compete – it preys on our insecurities. There is always more to do and never enough hours in the day. We are reduced to the sum of the grant funding we have won and our h-index…

We must remember we are so much more than that. We are humans each trying to find our way in the world. We might feel that we are pitted against each other, but in reality, we are much stronger together. There is joy in appreciating other’s differences and the things that make others tick. There is joy in helping each other navigate the complexities of our careers.

All opinions in this blog are my own