self development

Walking Laps for Mental Health: How choosing to step away from your desk may be a great way to safeguard your well-being

girlymicro General , , , , , , ,

I’ve been putting some work into trying to purposefully regain some work life balance, to re-find who I am outside of my work roles. It sounds easy but actually I’ve been so work focussed for so long I’ve been finding it pretty stressful. Trying to be at peace with not working every weekend, and therefore not being responsive or on top of my inbox, makes me feel an ongoing sense of panic. Nothing will change if I don’t however, so I’m making conscious steps to be aware of the anxiety but to carry on regardless.

Some of this had been about finding time for something as simple as having Sunday Tea Time with Mr Girlymicro, where we have a pot of tea and just spend some time together, enjoying each others company.

The other thing we’ve been trying to do is get out for a walk to also spend time together without the distraction of technology, as I’m a monster for always being on my phone or a laptop. Fully stepping away, removing the temptation to have ‘just one quick look’, helps me try to be fully in the moment with the man I love more than anything.

It has also, completely coincidentally, allowed me to discover a children’s book series called Brambly Hedge. On our walking route the council have commissioned wooden carvings of the characters, that then greet you as you walk around the lake, as the author was local to our home. Learning who all these woodland creatures are has also brought me great joy, and has reminded me how much we can learn and be inspired by, just by stepping out of our homes. In honour of this thought process on the benefit of taking a wander, I’ve included pictures of them in the hope they will bring a little of that joy to you when reading this post.

Counting to 10

When I was first a trainee, life was pretty tough. I wasn’t exactly welcomed in my department. I’d just moved down to London, and the learning curve was steep. My fellow trainee was also having a pretty hard time. There was no space we could go if were just having a moment, and there are only so many times a day you can cry in the toilets before someone notices. Thus the lap count was born.

The lap count was a numerical shortcut to being able to describe how your day was going. The lap in question was a full lap of the outside of hospital, and the count referred to how many of these full laps were required to enable you to pull yourself back together in order to carry on. In general, a one lap day was pretty good, and a four lap day was terrible.

Hopefully none of you need a lap count in your working lives, but the principle stands. Sometimes, walking away from a situation, and the act of being in motion, can enable you to remove yourself from a reactive space. Ideally before you react and say something that might not be pitched as well as you’d like.

Re-centering

There is something about being in motion that can also help to shake off the cobwebs or allow you to recentre yourself and decide whether things actually matter. It could just be me, but I find that I calm much more quickly if I am moving. It’s like the act itself enables me to shed unnecessary emotions and leave them behind as I walk. I don’t know if its because, when I walk to centre myself and my thinking, it’s a deliberate choice that means I’m ready to move on? Or whether it is the walking that helps, but the results are the same either way.

I suspect that part of it is because I’m removing myself from any of the external drivers of the emotion and am deliberately moving into a space that allows me to feel and process, rather than trying to ‘keep it together’ or ‘be on top of things’. The aim of the moment is to ride the wave and move through it so I can get to a logical rather than emotional place. Somehow doing this on the move, uninterrupted, feels better than trying to do it where someone could find and try to pep you up half way through. On occasion I just need to guilt free sit in my feelings, and ironically this happens best, for me, when I’m on the move.

Space for creativity

I don’t know about you, but I think for a long time I forgot the benefits of being aimless. If I do something it’s always linked to an outcome, as I’m so time limited and balancing more spinning plates than is physically possible to keep in the air. I’d forgotten that I’m pretty creative, intellectually that is, I have no capacity for practical acts. I had forgotten that if I just walk and let my mind drift the interesting spaces it will take me to. I think I have been a lesser me by not making room for that to happen.

Creating space for creativity helps me think about problems differently and gives me new insights when it comes to work, but it also enables me to be open to inspirations in my personal life, be that for this blog, cooking, or plotting a new murder for my future murder mystery writing ambitions. It may sound odd but it is in these moments that I feel fully myself and I am a happier better person for it. I guess I’m saying I need to be more purposeful about creating space for me to be aimless.

Removal of distractions

I’m a great prevaricator. If there is a way to be distracted I will find it. Sometimes, that distraction can actually help my thought process, as I continue to work through a problem without it being at the centre of my thinking. Sometimes, that’s just not an approach that will work. If I have a tricky problem that I am avoiding as I’m not sure I’ll be able to find a solution , and yet I really need to, I will find any route I can to avoid facing that possible issue as it triggers all of my fear of failure, however invalid. This can happen for work issues, like an experiment that just keeps failing, or for personal stuff where I’m trying to work out what the outcome I want actually is. In these settings sitting and staring is not helpful, as I have a tendency to create my spaces full of distractions as they please me. The best thing is to go to a new space where those things just don’t exist.

Don’t get me wrong, I think I could be distracted in a white empty box, but going to a space that isn’t mine and moving so that I don’t have time to focus on my surroundings enough to be distracted, is a great way of tricking my brain into being able to tackle the thing that needs to be resolved. It’s not that there aren’t distractions, it’s just that they aren’t ones that I’ve custom made to work for me.

Time to eat, drink and exercise

I spend so much of my time sitting and working at a laptop. I do so at work, and then when I’m at home, I’m usually writing this blog or working on other projects, such as papers, all of which include much sitting and very minimal movement. One of the things I love about walking this particular walk is that It makes me feel so much healthier, whilst enjoying myself so much feeding the ducks and other birds, sometimes even with tea. It’s many of my favourite things all rolled into one, especially when you throw Mr Girlymicro into the mix.

It’s so easy to forget that we have to find time to also look after ourselves, to move and get some steps in, as well as to look after the work stuff, or the house stuff. It’s easy to only make space in our lives for the box ticking. I know that exercise can also be considered box ticking, but if I can do it in a way that also brings me pleasure, it stops being the thing that I put off and can become something that I feel motivated to make time for, and embed in my every day approach. The more I have land on my plate the harder I find to make the time, and so making it easier and joyful is key.

Feeling the sun on your face

I work, when I’m on-site, in a windowless unventilated converted toilet as my office. I love it. I’ve written before about how much pleasure my space brings me. It does mean, however, that if I don’t find a reason to leave my office I will spend months of the year in darkness or away from natural light, as I arrive in the dark, sit in my delightful safe space, and then leave in the dark. There is always a moment in ~March where I step outside and I feel the sun, and I can quite literally feel the internal change in my mood. I always find January and February such hard going, and all of a sudden I feel energised and as if I can really tackle those changes I want to make. The sun just makes me feel like a different person.

This probably seems nonsense, but I only ever have the ‘aha’ moment in March that it is the lack of sun that has been driving my low spirits. I never seem to be able to remember when I’m in it that January and February are always grim. Knowing the difference this makes to me, and despite not really being an outdoor girlie, I am trying to remember the lesson. I am trying to remember to go out for lunch. To go for short walks if I can find a gap between meetings. I’m pretty sure that this impact probably happens all year, it’s just I recognise it more during the change from darker to lighter months. So, I’m trying to keep the sun on my face for a little every day to help cling to that feeling of being able to change the world.

Creates space for focus

I used to run, badly, and one of the things about it was that I hated the start so much that all I could focus on was putting one foot in front of the other. All other thoughts left my mind. It was like a mental stop gap, and when I got over the start, one of the things I loved about running was the mental freedom that intercept from spiralling and other thoughts gave me.  I thought until recently that I’d lost that route to focus alongside losing my running confidence, but I think I’ve kind of got it back through walking.

Now, some of this will be down to the removal of distractions I’ve already talked about, but some of it is because that I find a place where the rhythm of walking can get me to the same mental headspace. Especially if I’m walking somewhere where I don’t have to worry too much about my surroundings and safety.  It let’s me find a head space where I can locate the mental thread I want to pull on, and just keep pulling. I can walk until I’ve gone as far down the rabbit hole as I need to go. The only person placing limits is me, and that is tremendously freeing.

Dedicated time

I am a great one for doing multiple things at once. For instance, this blog gets written during the commute, or whilst Mr Girlymicro and I catch on movies/games/TV. That means I’m pretty appalling at spending focused one on one time with the people I love. My mind is always running 100 miles per hour or having a random debate with itself.  One of the reasons we’re trying to get out for walks together is to allow that rare and precious one on one time with people we care about.  Time without the distraction of devices (that would be me), or feeling like we should be doing chores rather than chilling out ( way more Mr Girlymicro).

Walking together and just valuing being in each others company, even after over 20 years together, really brings me a joy I find hard to describe. It is also a joy that is easy to miss out on if you don’t priorise and make time for it. The world screams and loads priorities upon us, and some days we just have to deliberately choose ourselves and each other, over all that noise.

Room for discovery

I like to walk in interesting places, places that have signs about wild life, places like museums, or interesting streets with Blue Plaques. Places where I will see things that make me think, remember old knowledge, or learn something new.  I would never be writing a post centred around Brambly Hedge if I hadn’t stepped out for a walk. I like making space in my life for discovery and learning. I am a curious girl at my core. Walking in this way feeds into the core of who I am as a person. I’m sure many people walk outside because they like the outside. I am not an outdoor girly. I’m allergic to most of the outside world. Love of the outdoors is never going to be my motivation to get up and go for a walk, although I acknowledge that works for many people. For me, the motivation to step foot outside is that I can engage with a different kind of learning. The accidental kind, where I never know what I’ll discover. That speaks to me and who I am at my core.

Cortisol reduction

Speaking of walking in interesting places, I thought I would also share some of the evidence base, I am a scientist afterall.

Evidence for the effects of viewing visual artworks on stress outcomes: a scoping review

There are some really nice studies out there that demonstrate the impact on cortisol, the stress hornone, from going to places like museums and art galleries, and just looking at the exhibits. I’m sure the same is likely to be true for looking at the real world exhibits outside if you go and take a walk somewhere interesting or beautiful. In the rather stressful world we live in currently,  now of all times, it’s probably time to get our walk on, lower our stress and get back to the real us.

All opinions in this blog are my own

Finding the Positives: Ten reasons why I am still grateful, even for the bad days

girlymicro General, Leadership , , , , , , , ,

I got a cab this yesterday, and I said good morning and asked how the driver was doing, as I always do when I grab a cab. They looked at me and said ‘you are a happy person, so many of my rides are not’. This really got me thinking about happiness and outlook. Life is challenging for a lot of us right now. The world is a scary place. A lot of the rules that we thought existed to manage how society works are being challenged, and for those of us who work in the NHS the job feels harder than it’s ever been. It is easy to fall into what Mr Girlymicro and I describe as the pit of despair. Some days, the only thing we can control is what that pit looks like. Can you line it with pillows, blankets and Darjeeling tea, to make it manageable until you find the ladder out? On days where I find myself within the pit I try to focus on what positives I can i.e. find my pillows, and use what comfort there is to ride the wave. Here are a few of my reflections from my recent pit time about my things to be grateful for, even on bad days in case anyone else is finding it hard right now.

Allows people to show you who they are

I like to think that I approach everyone with the same baseline attitude of trust and optimism. There have been a few times in my career where this may have been an approach that ended up costing me, either emotionally or professionally. I’ve made an active decision that this is how I want to continue however, as I don’t want to be someone who is forced into a cynical existence. I want to continue to think the best of everyone and their intentions.

If I then get caught out because of this ‘glass is half full’ approach I think there are still positives, even if it can come with a cost. It may not always feel like it but knowing who people are is a gift. Seeing the person behind the mask enables you to know what really motivates their behaviour, which only makes you more empowered to interact with them in the future. In this one, reality, no matter how painful, is better than existing in your previous delusion. That said, someone told me once ‘when someone shows us they are believe them the first time’. So I now try to face up to my new reality on first exposure rather than getting stuck in a loop of second chances.

Aids with learning more about who you are

When your back is against the wall, when resources are limited or you are in a place where every interaction feels like a battle, it’s tiring, it’s draining and boy is it depressing. Part of survival in these circumstances is choosing your battles, and often doing a lot of thinking about how to manage yourself within that space. If you’re like me, there will also be a lot of questioning about how you ended up in that difficult spot. All of this can feel a bit like self flagellation in the moment, but it actually fulfils an important purpose, and it’s not just about survival. All of this strategising and reflection is an essential part of learning.

The learning, for me, is always about which decisions did I make that led me to this place, and how can I make better choices and see red flags when I have previously missed them. When making decisions about which battles to go into, what do those choices say about my priorities and the things I value? How can I use this self knowledge better? The big one though, is also what was/is my role in where I’ve found myself. The ugly and oft unwanted truth is that I have always played a role, so where was I the protagonist is the piece? Where is my learning about how to be better? A better person? A better colleague? A better scientist? Learning is a gift and we should take it where we can find it.

Motivates you to channel creativity

You may not be able to control the external forces that feel like they are whipping your existence into a hurricane, but you can control some of your responses to them. Now, I’m an emotional person, and in my hurricane I often feel like Dorothy in her house as it’s flying to Oz. For me, I need to find a way to ground myself and my thinking. I need an outlet and something that I can focus on to stop my mind from running wild. During these times I have so many thoughts but also moments of inspiration.

If I were a more creative person I suspect I would paint or write poetry. It will surprise none of you though to find that instead I tend to list possible future blog titles based around what I’m processing. If a particular ideas seizes me I will just sit and write the whole thing but often it’s about capturing the moment in the form of titles. I know that 2024 and 2025 have been hard times by the fact that I have over 300 blogs in some level of draft. Some of those will get collated, some of them will go nowhere, and some of them will keep me busy writing for the next several years. Looking back on these titles shows me that positive things can come out of difficult times, and helps me process where I’ve been, where I am now, and where I’d like to get to.

Provides you with moments to practice responses

It’s not just practical skills where practice makes perfect, it’s also valid for our coping responses and communication skills. This can be anything from saying no or setting boundaries, to skills that help you manage emotional overwhelm or anxiety. No one wants to find themselves in difficult times or managing difficult relationships, but I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who hasn’t gone through periods of challenge in their lives, so the sooner we get better at some of these responses the better we will manage when the bad times hit.

That said, you don’t want to be doing the self reflection or learning needed to identify what responses might help you when you are in the midst of things. It’s probably best to do your thinking in calmer times, and use the moments of trouble to practice applying them. I don’t want anyone to have enough of these moments to excel at the application piece, but the reality is you will hit difficult times and so having them as part of your toolbox can only help.

Helps you learn who your trusted friends are

I have a small number, and I mean below 10, of people in my life I trust with all of me. The people I trust to give me the difficult truth and help me through managing my response. The people I know who are always there to support and don’t have an agenda, or want anything from me for being in my life. When I was younger, like many of us, I thought it was nice to be popular, to have a long list of people I thought of as friends. It’s taken me time to realise that I have friends, and then I have the people I can call at the darkest and worst times in my life who would catch a flight to wherever I was and just give me a hug if that was what I needed. The people who would answer the phone if I needed them to at 3am and just listen to me cry it out. I am so grateful for these people, but you often only work out who’s who during the dark times.

Gives you an opportunity to review priorities

It is very easy to get into a vibe and just carry on down a pathway that you set your mind to without ever taking the time to review. This is especially true for healthcare careers, where you decide in your early 20’s the pathway of professional and educational development you will follow for the next 20 years. As you are going through difficult times and learning who you are however, it is also a good time to decide whether this is what you want any more? Is it worth the challenge? Is it worth the fight? Is it worth the energy you are putting in to keep going? Every time I’ve been through this exercise the answer has come back yes to the general sense of direction. I have come to a different conclusion about different components of the whole though.  I’ve quit committees and other commitments, where the answer has come back as no. All to enable me to put more time and energy into the things have come back as yes. Not everything works at every phase, and so bad times give you an opportunity to drop those things that no longer serve your inner purpose.

Makes you focus on what is important

Dropping things leads me onto my next thought. Once you have reviewed yourself and your priorities the next question I ask myself is ‘what do I need to survive this?’. What are the important keystones of your life that you can focus on in order to ride out what is going on.  Sometimes what you need are big things and big changes. Sometimes the thing you need is just something that will get you through the moment of struggle. For example, there are days where what I need more than anything in the world is to lie on my sofa with the lights out, the patios doors open, and to just listen and watch while the rain pours. It’s been something that calms my soul since childhood, where I would gather a duvet and sit on a swing wrapped up and warm while the rain fell all around me. It depends on the situation and the moment.

My responses to the hard moments have a tendency, in general, to be more insular. Some people, in these difficult circumstances, become extraverted and focus on spending time with people, be it for distraction or support. I tend to want to  reduce my exposure to the outside world and outside stimulus, and retreat to my safe space, being at home in my castle with Mr Girlymicro. I want to pull up the drawbridge and immerse myself in things that will distract my mind, like movies and games, or calm my soul, until I’m forced to re-engage with the outside. There’s a lot to be said for understanding yourself enough to know what aids you when the world feels like it is crumbling around you. These moments can remind you of what you value, and the self care that you perhaps should have been doing more of.

Aids in future planning

I talked earlier about how being conscious of the decisions and things you prioritise during hard times in order to learn more about yourself, but I think it also goes beyond that. Bad times can provide moments where you can thoroughly review your life and start to refresh your thinking about who and where you want to be when you come out the other side. When the world is so shaken you lose your centre, it’s an opportunity to find a new balance that will enable you to strike out in a new direction when the clouds do eventually clear.

I often struggle to live in the moment. Even more so when I don’t like the moment that I am in. In order to escape the reality of where I’m at I will play with dreaming of different futures, like some people imagine outfits I imagine where I could be. If I find one that speaks to me I think ‘what do I need to find my route forward?’ ‘What could lead me there?’ Obviously a lot of this is just release via dreaming, but sometimes things stick and it can change how I plan my next steps. This is how I decided on writing a pathology murder mystery series when I retire, and how I’m even taking steps now to prepare for that aspiration as I pootle along in my everyday life. Using this method to review and map your ambitions can be a helpful use of your time, not just an escape.

Reminds you of what you are grateful for

As dear Taylor says ‘If you never bleed you’re never gonna grow.’  Growth is hard and sometimes unwelcome, but if we want to be better it is inevitably something that needs to happen. That said, we need something to get us through, and if I had to sum it up, that thing is gratitude. It’s remembering through the maelstrom who we are and what we value. Different people are grateful for different things but, for me, in terms of the big stuff, it always comes down to family.  My family by blood, and my chosen family. Both of whom will be with me no matter what.

As for the smaller and everyday, during the pandemic friends of mine went out of their way to send me little gifts.  A teacup to have my favourite tea in. A bottle of gin or champagne so I could enjoy what little down time I got. Many of those items sit on my dresser in the kitchen and remind me to be grateful. It’s often not the large gestures that stay with us, but the small things that remind us we are in peoples thoughts. The moments that remind us that we are seen by others, so we don’t succumb to feeling invisible in our gloom. Whatever you are grateful for though, make sure you pay it forward when you can, so your things can sit in someone else’s kitchen and remind them they matter.

Helps make you ready for what comes next

I wanted to finish with a reminder that getting through the hard times prepares us for the future. If you take on the learning, about yourself and others, you will walk out of that storm a better, more prepared person than when you entered it. There will be a future that will be brighter because of the darkness you’ve lived through it. That doesn’t make what you are experiencing right now better, it doesn’t make it fair, but sadly life is like that. What it enables you to end up being is a more defined version of yourself. A person who knows who you are and what you want. Hopefully a person who is able to go after those things. It can also help you to be a person who now knows what you don’t want, and what you are prepared to let go of carrying in order to improve your life. That too is a different kind of bonus.

When I’m deep in the darkness I tell myself if I can find my ‘second star to the right, and just keep on till morning’ I too will find my way out of the storm and end up where I want to be.

All opinions in this blog are my own