new years resolutions

Roll on 2026: Being intentional about finding my way back to my full authentic self

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It’s the Sunday between Christmas and New Year. In theory it was supposed to be a chilled out, relaxed and refuelling week off work. Instead, due to no fault of anyone, it’s been a week full of chaos, and disruption linked to illness, house moves and life changes. All of which will fade into memory but for now are quite at the forefront of my thinking. Subsequently this means that I am entering 2026 less rested and more discombobulated than I had hoped, feeling very much like a Gemma Correll picture.

For full disclosure, it’s not just 2026 I have entered this way. It feels like every New Year since 2020 I have become less and less likely to greet it with joy and moved more and more towards greeting it with a timid ‘hi’ from behind the curtains. It feels like we’ve all been bitten once too often by providing an optimistic welcome and seeing the resulting 12 months turn into another year of trial and trauma, whilst our resilience is no longer worth writing home about.

Add to this the ever present commentary on all social media platforms, where my professional and social peers list all of their successes, the languages they’ve learnt, the places they’ve been, and the skills they’ve picked up, whilst I rot with unwashed hair and wallow in exhaustion. Life can start to feel hard or like you’re failing in comparison, all of which can make it feel difficult to roll out the red carpet to another New Year.

In order to centre myself and navigate through the triggering level of self proclaimed positivism out there I thought that this year I would not focus on making a list of New Years resolutions, but reflect on what went well in 2025. The aim of this is not to make life worse for others by screaming about my successes, but to remind us all that progress is more impactful than tick boxing, and that the small things count, some days even more than the big things. Fair warning, this post contains a lot of ‘I’s, as it is about how I see the world. I hope that despite this it may still be useful to you all.

My big aim for 2025 was to try and feel more like the 2019 version of me. Someone who had hobbies, friends, and could even find time to spend with them, as well as family. To feel like a whole person, and not just a professional avatar, so this is the benchmark I shall be measuring 2025 success against.

I spent time with Mr Girlymicro and my wider family

This sounds like a basic thing, but I had gotten into the habit of working every weekend, catching up on emails or catching up on work in general. I began to have a lot of anxiety if I didn’t, in case there was something life/job ending between Friday night and Monday morning. This has been the year that I deliberately faced that anxiety and forced myself to work through it by not reacting to it, and allowing it to drive me to work more. It’s meant that I have had to find coping mechanisms. At the moment they could be healthier as they involve doing work adjacent things, such as book writing, but they have enabled me to step away. I have also been forced to accept that things will happen, but that I can’t work 24/7, and attempting to do so was leaving me in a very unhealthy place.

The payoff for this has been being able to spend more time with my family. Now, some of this is because Mummy Girlymicro and my brother moved in with us (hence the Xmas house moving chaos as they moved out) but a lot of it was me prioritising spending time on non-work. Mr Girlymicro and I have been able to have, at least, protected movie time on a Sunday, and we’ve even managed some date nights. I need more of this in 2026, just spending time together is healing and I can’t wait to spend more and improve on my 2025 efforts.

I managed to finish a non-work based project (Mr Girlymicro would scream work adjacent at this header)

Talking about that work based distraction and anxiety management, I decided to do something for me, based on my passion. Now, I acknowledge that deciding to write a book in 4 months may not be the healthiest of anxiety managing techniques, but it enabled a fire break, where I could focus that anxiety on something productive and was sufficiently distracting to allow a re-focus away from work. It was also nice to be able to visualise something productive coming out of that anxiety, seeing the word count increase little by little. A lot of my day job is responsive or constantly writing and changing written guidance, it can sometimes be hard to see what you’ve achieved at the end of a day, week, month, and so to see a book come together from a concept felt incredibly validating.

(if you haven’t seen the book, take a look at the Girlymicrobiologist book page, or the Amazon webpage for more details)

The other opportunity that writing the book gave me, was that it started, alongside spending time with family, to allow me to form a new identity. I’ve been in work mode for 5 years, and have become so locked in that I almost couldn’t remember the pre-pandemic me. Developing a project that wasn’t directly linked to work allowed me to ask questions like ‘what brings me joy?’ and ‘what message is it that I have to share?’, ‘what can I add?’, ‘what can I do to make the world easier/better?’. This book on a small scale was the answer to those questions. More to follow though, this was a starter for ten.

I acknowledge that I will not return to who I was before

A key part of building a new identity is acknowledging change and letting yourself grieve for your previous one. 2025 was the year that I finally acknowledged that those of us who worked through the pandemic, lost loved ones and colleagues, probably do carry a certain level of trauma with us. I probably don’t see the world the same way now as I did before. The circle of friends that I hold close is much smaller than before, and they have seen all the sides of me. They are the people I trust to always take a 4am call from me. To let me come and crash at their place with 30 minutes notice, just because I need to escape. They are my ride or dies, and I value them so much.

I think I will be sad for the loss of some of the innocence I had before the pandemic, some of the faith and trust in systems. I think I will continue to miss the naivety. I believe I have emerged on the other side better at my job however, and for those I’m close to a better friend. I see the change as an opportunity to re-define who I want to be and where I want to go. It’s hard to know how much of this is truly pandemic, or just hitting peri-menopause and realising I need to be better at setting boundaries. Either way, although I have moments where I reminisce about hopeful past me, I think I am a better person for the journey. I still have hope, it just lands differently.

I spent time focusing on re-connection

Having said that my world had grown fairly small over the past 5 years, and my social circle really limited to those who I knew love all the sides of me, I’m fortunate in my pre-pandemic life to have had a wide circle of lovely people who occupied all kinds of different hobby/interest spaces. All of whom challenged me, cheered me, and helped me grow as a human being. It felt important to saunter back into those spaces, especially as they would be useful in discovering the new me.

I did things that are probably normal for most of you reading. I went out for drinks. I met people for dinner. I even returned to conventions and shared spaces, which have been triggering for me having spent so much time avoiding crowds for the last several years. I remembered that, although these activities and spaces can make me feel anxious at times, the pay off is so very worth it. I’m not sure I will be returning to hosting afternoon tea for 30+ people any time soon, but I’m certainly up for small group activities and have committed to not defaulting to no or an excuse. I also discovered that many lovely people had kept a door open for me to return, and that was a really meaningful thing to discover.

I returned to some pre-pandemic activities

On the back of this re-connection, I also went back to some of the activities that I used to take for granted pre-pandemic. I went to a literary festival, I went to science events, and I even returned to a gaming convention. These events reminded me of how much joy I find in learning, being intellectually curious and exploring. They reminded me of why I became a scientist in the first place, because even when not science related they reminded me of the joy of being inspired by others.

Being at a gaming convention was both so much scarier, and so much more fun than I remembered. It was lovely to take off my head, my identity, my thought processes, and step into those of someone else. I played a modern day police office in the Rivers of London universe, a teenage aristocrat in musketeers France, and a political leader in 1930s Europe. I dealt with murders, magic, and revolution, and not a single virus or infection was in sight. The experience reminded me that it was OK to prioritise both breaks and escapism, and of the benefits they can lead to in terms of reflection and re-fuelling.

I gave myself permission to feel

Speaking of gaming, it’s a great sandbox to explore emotions and feelings in response to stimuli for you character. It’s a safe space and time limited, so anything you dive into can be dropped at any point, and you will move onto a new character in 4 hours anyway. Life isn’t quite like that and exploring emotions, be they positive or negative, can take its toll. In 2025 I specifically gave myself permission to feel. To stop saying ‘I’m fine’ to those close friends and family who I know would be there come what may.

Sometimes the best way forward is through, and I found that being in responsive mode for so long at work had meant I had stopped processing a lot of the emotional side of what had gone on. I’m normally pretty optimistic and I know that things will be fine, but in 2025 I gave myself permission to acknowledge that the route to fine sometimes sucks, and that that is OK. I reminded myself that it’s OK to just acknowledge the moment and have a good weep, before getting it together and moving on.

BTW it appears that Taylor Swift songs are my favourite weeping companions, for both sad and happy tears, according to Spotify in 2025.

I started to try and look forward

Acknowledging that I have work to do in my emotional processing also enabled me to start to look forward, rather than being stuck in a loop. It enabled me to think about what I want, and where I want to be. What fuels me rather than draining me. I am fortunate enough to have the most amazing husband who will always pick me up, dust me off, and put me back together. So these considerations were mostly work related.

I know it’s a shocker, at least it was a surprise to me, but I’m getting older. I turned 46 this year, which is no age, but as I’m planning to retire and explore new directions at 55 that is an ever shrinking time period to make change and have impact. Don’t worry, this blog, my writing, public engagement and microbiology are going nowhere. I still want to work post NHS retirement, but maybe not the 12 hour days that add to my current exhaustion.

A dear colleague passed away just before Christmas and that brought this message home to me even more strongly.  We can often approach all aspects of our lives as if we have all the time in the world. The reality is that that is never true, and a lot less of it is in our control than we believe. So, I’m giving some time to thinking what is on my list to accomplish and trying to make sure that it doesn’t just drift because of competing demands. This is a newer focus, but one that will definitely continue in 2026.

I expended effort in trying to find my joy

This has all sounded a bit bleak but the truth about authenticity is that includes sharing all aspects of the truth. even those that are not full of pep. The reality is not as bleak as all that, by doing this hard work I have been able to find true unadulterated joy in a number of moments in 2025. Joy I haven’t been able to feel for a long time. Joy so strong that it made me cry happy tears. Joy so real it reminded me why it is important to connect and follow your passions.

The move from survival mode into engaging with life has not been an easy one. There is still a lot of work to be done, and space for recovery needed. The joy however reminds me of why all of that work is worth it, and at a time when working within the NHS can feel even more challenging than during the pandemic, that joy is needed. So give yourself the gift of compassion you would give others. Offer yourself the space you need to heal, and then be brave about stepping into the world as the new (possibly wiser) version of you. I hope the rest of 2025 is kind to you, and that you too will be able to find joy as we enter 2026.

All opinions in this blog are my own

If you are finding this time of year difficult, and you are in the UK, here are some contact details that I hope may help. No one should need to struggle on their own:

I’m Still Learning After All These Years: My focus in 2025 is to continue my personal development journey

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It’s that time of year. The time when New Years resolutions get shared and we all try to persuade ourselves that overnight, if we just put in a bit more effort, we can change big facets of our lives. I’m becoming increasingly aware that the big gesture and external stuff is not really the space I want to be in, however. I’m fortunate to have ticked a lot of the external boxes at this point in my career, and so, in 2025, I want to focus on me and my development as a person rather than ticking another box linked to how people see me.

One of the reasons for this shift is the nature of the job, as it feels, in a post pandemic world, like I spend a lot of time in responsive mode. This becomes a habit and a way of being. Instead of running to keep up and fire fighting, however, I want to have time to experience the joy I feel when I’m learning and developing.  This is especially important as I think many of us who went through the pandemic as healthcare workers are still very much in recovery mode, and there’s a lot to still be worked through and resolved with little time to actually do so. So, rather than create a list of tasks to be measured against, my list this year is about aspirations linked to becoming. Becoming a better version of me, becoming more joyful, and re-finding some of that pre-pandemic me.

I want to have time to catch my breath

As I sit here on a Sunday afternoon, I realise how much I need time to chill and unwind at the moment. 2024 was full on, and there wasn’t a lot of respite. It feels, therefore, that I’m hitting 2025 already pretty wound up and in need of prioritising some time off the treadmill. Even at work, having just managed to get down from just under 18,000 emails to ~200 over the Christmas break, I realise I need to stop being in responsive mode and guard my time more efficiently. I need to carve out planning time, and in a more basic way, time to make tea, have lunch, or god forbid – leave on time. I’m aware of how much better I will be at my job if I can catch my breath, see through the fog and take time to develop a plan or creative approach to the problem, rather than jumping in or going for the most obvious approach. All in all, a different strategy will have all-around benefits, so I need to work better at finding a new way to manage my time.

I want to live in a positive space

I have a tendency to swing from optimism to ostriching, and whilst most of the time I’m a ‘glass is half full’ kind of girl, it sometimes takes more energy than I have at present to live in that positive space. In 2025, however, I want to have enough energy to expend to make it happen. I want to listen to the noise, criticism, and the negative inner voices less. I want to focus less on what I lack and more on what I have. It’s easy to constantly focus on our areas of required improvements instead of celebrating how far we’ve come and where our strengths lie. There is always a space to focus on improvement, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of recognising the work we’ve already done. This year, I don’t want to benchmark myself and my progress. I want to live in a space where I accept and celebrate the place I am at. For once in my professional life, I want to be satisfied with the boxes I have already ticked and live in the moment.

I want to see my ride or dies

One of the reasons I am keen to find additional spare time and not take on more is that I want to carve out more time for me. Selfishly, this is nothing to do with work, but for me as a person outside of my professional life. The main driver for this is that I spent most of 2024 in work mode, and I didn’t spend enough of it in life mode. I’ve written about how fortunate I am with some of my friends, but in 2024, I just didn’t carve out the time to spend with them. They are super cool, and would never hold it against me, but for the sake of my soul I want to spend time with the people who see me, flaws and all, and love me any way. The people who are my ‘stick by you no matter what’ friends inspire me and drive me to do better, and I will be better for prioritising spending time with them.

I want to re-find my confidence

To be honest, I don’t know if it’s being peri-menopausal, post pandemic burn out, or just work over load in general, but my confidence has definitely taken a hit. Don’t get my wrong. I’m still the same bolshie girl, but the tendency to spiral after the moment is hitting me hard. The creeping self doubt is present in a much more apparent way than it was before the pandemic. Part of me thinks it’s because I’ve been living in ‘Professor Cloutman-Green’ mode for so long rather than having enough time in my own skin as Elaine/Dream. Whatever the reason, I want to find that confident girl again. The girl who had plenty of self doubt but didn’t let that doubt overwhelm her or take over who she was. She’s still in there, but I suspect a break and a significant amount of napping will be required to persuade her to put in a more consistent appearance.

I want to create and be inspired

Some of the things I want to make time for are pretty straight forward. I want to have time to cook when I get home and enjoy doing so with Mr Girlymicro. Cooking is something we love to do together, but time restrictions in recent years have made everything a functional task rather than an enjoyable endeavour. I want to spend the weekend drinking pots of the many different types of tea we have and languidly enjoying each others company, rather than having anxiety about the list of tasks I should be undertaking just to keep up distracting me from the moment.

A very specific thing I want to do with Mr and mummy Girlymicro in 2025 is to spend time visiting museums. Great museums, weird museums, museums that no one else visits. In 2023, we visited the Met in New York, and the joy and inspiration that filled my soul has stayed with me. In 2024, we managed a few stolen moments at the V&A, British Museum, and Natural History Museum, but I have to say I want more. London is filled with niche places to visit, and I want to wander with an open mind and just take in what speaks to me in the moment. This kind of activity is food for my soul, and I’m greedy for more. Also, if you have any recommendations, hit me up in the comments or DM/email me.

I want to invest in this blog

Being inspired helps me in many aspects of my life, but one of the biggest ones is the number of ideas I get for this blog when I’m just out and about experiencing life, and not just in scientific contexts. Focusing that inspiration into a creative endeavour like this blog then leads to even more fulfilment and joy. I know I’ve been talking for a couple of years now about developing a book out of this blog, and I’m not promising it will happen in 2025, but I want to take some serious steps in moving it forward if I can. At its most basic, I want to feel like I have time to enjoy sitting down and writing rather than squeezing in stolen moments on the tube when already exhausted.

2024 delivered more reads than I could have dreamt possible, finishing the year with over 21,000 reads from over 120 countries. I can’t believe that something I thought would be seen by a handful of people is now read by so many. I want to build on that momentum. I know professional blog writers get those numbers in a month, but I’m returning here to my pledge to not bench marking against others and just to focus on measuring myself against myself to capture growth. So here is to improving year on year and to doing more of what brings us joy!

I just want more

I know it sounds greedy, but I’m not embarrassed to say it, I want more. I want to sleep, and drink tea. I want cocktails and time spent with friends. I want more cozy rainy afternoons under a blanket and getting back to reading real books, rather than only having the focus to listen to audio books. I want Sunday afternoon walks with Mr Girlymicro, talking about nothing and feeding the ducks. I want to laugh so much my chest hurts and smile so much my face aches. I want to make time for the parts of myself that aren’t linked to work and outputs and re-train my brain to not measure myself against the ‘busyness scale’. I am not the sum of what I produce and I must learn not to measure myself as such. I am so much more, and in 2025, I am OK for it to be the year of greedily wanting more and giving myself permission to need.

I need to catastrophise less

At times of high stress, and let’s be honest I feel like it’s been high stress since 2020, my brain manages that stress by running scenarios. In many ways, it is not a bad way of managing my existence. Good, bad, disaster outcomes, all run wild in my brain. The main challenge over the last few years is that that scenario running has tended more and more to the disaster scenarios taking up my bandwidth. This can make the world feel darker and more challenging than it probably is, especially if it is compared with a more objective mindset. In 2025, it’s time to put on my positive pants and try to utilise the tools I have in a more balanced way in order to not create stress and drama where no such situation exists.

I need to step off the carousel

Catastrophising means that, by it’s very nature, I’m not living in the positive space I’d like to habit. Worse than that though, it can lead to spiralling, leading to negative rabbit holes that aren’t even linked to the original trigger. I’ve posted before on what this can look like for me. This isn’t good in the moment, but it also tends to result in a lack of sleep, as this is a frequent 3am affair, and thus impact on my general well-being. Everything becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, as the tireder I get, the less perspective I have, the more likely I am to spiral, and therefore, get less sleep. In 2025, I want to step off both the carousel that leaves me so tired that the spirals happen in the first place, and also to step off the spirals earlier when they hit. For me, it’s focusing on using what serves me rather than being a passenger in the moment.

I need to take better physical care of myself

All of this brings me onto the fact that I just need to take better care of myself physically, as well as mentally. So much of my underlying health has suffered since the pandemic, and I have not allowed myself the recovery time that is required to really fix that. In 2025, I need more of option three in the pic below and way less of 4. I need to be more than intellectually active. I also need to find time to eat and drink in my work day. I often fail to help myself by forgetting or getting too busy to do the simple things, like taking meds. The reality is, I don’t have anyone to blame but myself, and I need to look after myself in the way that I would expect of others. It’s a simple thing, and I need to stop making life so complicated that it doesn’t happen.

I need to not make New Years Resolutions

Finally, and this is a big one for me. None of these things are New Years Resolutions. At best, I am saying that these are aspirations. I refuse to make a list that just adds yet more pressure to my every day life. I am a work in progress, and it is more than naive of me to think that I will wake up in a New Year and change who I am. I feel my habits make me more like the Titanic than a super yacht, and so any change in direction to avoid the icebergs takes time. 2025 is about self-love based on acceptance post self reflection and understanding that changing the dial is a choice that will need to be made daily. Starting the year by ignoring the noise of everyone elses’ proclamations and purely staying in my lane, whilst focused on what serves me, I think is a great way to kick off the year. I know some people find the resolution bit helpful, but I, for one, feel like celebrating the freedom I give myself by deciding not to comply with this particular tradition. Which ever way you decide works for you, I hope that 2025 brings you all of the joy and that you get what you need out of the next 12 months, and find the time to celebrate all that makes you you!

All opinions in this blog are my own